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EsteeLynn's Blog
 
Estee's Take: Attack of the Car-ney-bors   (21 comments, 414 views) Monday, 11 February 2008

I am often amazed by the sentences, and often entire conversations that escape from my mouth. I amaze myself… in a scary kind of way. Very often, I am in desperate need of adult conversation. Desperate. When Brad comes home from work, I give him a 15 minute grace period where he can slowly acclimate to the ridiculous amount of noise and the chaos that three kids under the age of 5 can create. He will change out of his work clothes and play wrestle with the kids while I finish making dinner. Once we sit down at the table, all bets are off and he is bombarded by 4 conversations all aimed in his direction. Well, three and a half because Paizlee babbling da-da da-da a gazillion times really doesn’t count. I think that because I am the oldest that my conversation should take precedence. This, however, never works.

For example, on Friday evening we sat down to a nice homemade meal of, um, pizza. Well, delivery pizza. But I did set the table, so it still counts. As we sat down, I was all ready to talk to Brad about his day and all of the exciting things that I had been doing, but instead we got to listen to Breuklyn rehash the latest episode of The Backyardigans and then Maddux told us about all of the unfair things that Breuklyn had subjected him to throughout the day. “But I saw the red crayon first!” he claimed. Brad nodded and responded in calm and reassuring tones that resonated with good parenting skills and all I wanted to do was stomp my feet and yell, “It’s my turn!” I was, apparently, turning into one of the kids.

I am always amazed by the conversations that I have with the kids throughout the day. These conversations are much more than the standard, “Don’t put that in your mouth! Don’t touch her/him/me! Get down from there! No, you can’t have a snack. No, it isn’t lunch time. Yes, you have to take a nap. Yes, mommy is going to take a nap too. Don‘t climb on top of Paizlee! Please clean up this mess! Don‘t squish her! Don‘t poke him in the eye! Take turns! No, really, don‘t eat that! Princesses don‘t wear their underwear on their head. No, you can‘t fly even if you flap your arms really hard.” No, my kids have transcended the typical daytime conversation and brought it to a whole new level. What’s that? You want proof? Oh, trust me, I have proof.

Let me set the scene for you… Paizlee is in her high chair eating Cheerios. Breuklyn and Maddux are eating spaghetti for lunch. I am running around trying to get the laundry put away while they are temporarily occupied. I walk back into the kitchen and am horrified to find Breuklyn and Maddux “feeding” strands of spaghetti to my African violets that are harmlessly sitting on the window sill.

Me: (in my most calm-ish mommy voice) HEY! What are you doing?

Breuklyn: They said they were hungry.

Maddux: Yeah, hungry.

Me: Uh huh. Put the spaghetti down. Plants don’t eat spaghetti.

B: Why?

Me: Because they don’t. I water them and they hang out in the sunshine. That is pretty much it.

B: Why?

M: (who, lately, is incapable of having a thought of his own) Yeah, why?

Me: Because I said so.

B: (thinking this over) Well… spaghetti is just noodles and tomatoes, right?

Me: (at this point I am getting kind of wary because she always, always, always sets me up) Kind of, yes.

B: And you said plants don’t eat noodles and tomatoes.

Me: (cautiously) Ok, yes, that’s right…

B: So that means that they are car-ney-bors!

-- Maddux gasps audibly and starts looking panicked. --

Me: You have lost me completely. What is a carneybor?

B: A car-ney-bor is something that eats meat, not leaves or grass.

Me: OH! A carnivore. Seriously, these houseplants are not---

B: Maddux!! They are going to eat us!! RUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Both children run screaming into the living room. I stand, completely dumbfounded amidst the remains of the spaghetti. Sigh. Another argument lost to an almost 5-year-old. Having three children is a lot like playing chess. You always have been thinking at least three moves ahead of your opponent.

That’s my take, what’s yours? What is the craziest thing that you have said to your kids/husband/family?  Is anyone else out there going crazy from lack of adult conversation?  Now, back into the chaos I go…

 

 
Hang on, it gets better, wait until you hear the stories they give you when they're teenages. Oh how I remember the days, now it's pay back time, my kids are going through the same things. 2 of my children have called me and said,"I'm sorry mom if I ever did any of these things to you". My son has said he's heard my words coming out of his mouth when he's telling his daughter for the hundreth time why she needs to pick up her room. This is proof, THEY DO LISTEN, even though it takes many years for you to find this out.
11-Feb-2008 @ 9:02:49am
 
I'm too busy ROFL to think of anything right now!!! :)
11-Feb-2008 @ 9:46:50am
 
I'm ROFL while eating my lunch at work! Oh boy do I remember those days and now raising my granddaughter I get to do it all again LOL!
The conversation I can remember best was with my oldest son, Buddy (who is now 28) when he was just 20 months old. Buddy has always been too darned smart for his own good. I was 6 month pregnant with my son John at the time and wanted to explain it to Buddy. Now mind you I was driving at the time. I told Buddy that there was a baby growing in Mommy's tummy and soon he would have a little brother or sister. Well, he had the most horrified look on his face and started to cry. When I asked what was wrong he wanted to know why I ate and swallowed a baby! Oh, I had to pull over from laughing so darned hard.
11-Feb-2008 @ 10:41:11am
 
Hehehehe... That's too cute Estee. My 6 year old's new saying is... "you lied". If you don't do something exactly the way you promised you get accused of lying to her. As in... Alexis after you clean your room I'll give you a bath and read you a story. Well if you read the story first and then give her a bath you "lied". She's so into truth right now. LOL No little white lies for me. And when she tells me I lied I turn back into a five year old and say NUH UH I didn't LIE I just did it in a different order. She also says she's smarter than me and if she says it again I'm going to tell my Mommy. LOL
11-Feb-2008 @ 10:53:43am
 
LOL! Estee, you can always call me up and we can have some adult conversations. I too am lacking them during the day and the weeks that Russ is traveling, I am in desparation mode for adult conversation by the time he gets home on Friday after being gone for the week.

My kids say the darnest things everyday I get to answer bizarre questions and say things I never thought I would! My all-time favorite, is when Trent (age 2 1/2 at the time) tried to reason with me that it wasn't him that stole some Cheetos off the counter and ate them...keep in mind that his fingers are completly orange, his upper lip is orange and crumby and there are crumbs covering his shirt. He tried to tell me that his stomach did it, not him. And he was so serious about telling me this, like his stomach was a completely separate person from him. Still cracks me up to this day :)
11-Feb-2008 @ 12:15:31pm
 
DH and I have a whole LIST of things you'd NEVER say unless you were speaking to a young child. He wactually started writing them down on a whim and... it's quite the list. PM me your email and I'll share :)
11-Feb-2008 @ 1:11:43pm
 
WEll, I can well remember the times when I had small childdren running around much the same ages as your darling children and the lack of adult conversation!! Only my husband was in the navy and so he would be gone for 6 months at a time so that lack of adult conversation went on FOREVER!!! I would talk to total strangers in the store!! Oh the days!!! When my husband would come home I would run for any where I could go just to get away for a while without children!! But now I am so glad to have had that time with them....YES REALLY!!! I feel very close to each of my children and I am sure that those times when it was just the four of us against the world helped to bring us closer together!!!
11-Feb-2008 @ 1:37:39pm
 
Oh my gosh, I have so much to look forward to! My son is three months and hearing all of this is making me love even more the stage he is in. I still can't wait though. I am going to love all of it.
11-Feb-2008 @ 1:40:50pm
 
Seriously, this is one of the funniest stories I have heard. LOVE it!! Thanks for brightening my day!
11-Feb-2008 @ 2:03:41pm
 
Two stories come to mind. When Sara was around 5 or 6, you know the age, where they want a detailed explanation of every answer. She was standing in front of the mirror in her room (a $10 skinny mirror you put on the back of a door - the best investment we ever made) asking why her hair does this. I told her she had a collick (?). Of course she asked what's that? The devil in me said "well, when you were little we were at Uncle Bill's Farm and you got too close to where the cows were and one of them licked you on the head" "Now your hair lays funny". The look on her face was priceless! You might be asking why would a mother say that to her child. I was not in the mood for an endless discussion - my answer stopped her dead in her tracks. Ahhhhh the silence.

The other story was when Katie was around 3 or 4 and had a very vivid imagination. She was telling us about the snake she had in her dream and how it scared her. The icing on this story was how the snake looked at Katie and said to her - Mmmm Mmmmm you sure look tasty -. Only from Katie!
11-Feb-2008 @ 2:24:31pm
 
Once upon a time, when on the phone with some customer service rep or another, I said this sentance to my daughter "don't dip your feather in there, it will get all sticky". Talk about things you never thought you'd say!! She laughed, and said WHAT?! (The rep).. I had a huge laugh when I thought about how it sounded. I won't bother telling you what she was doing.. it's more fun to imagine, lol.
Thanks for another great laugh, Estee!! You really have a great way of telling stories!
11-Feb-2008 @ 3:42:56pm
 
Good Heavens girl!! I have nothing to say, except I can always count on you to crack me up!!! I love it!!!
11-Feb-2008 @ 4:02:34pm
 
My oldest son (who makes arguing and debate an art form), when he was about 5 or 6 asked about the tooth fairy. "How does she get the tooth out from under the pillow without waking me up?" I told him that she is really small. He thought about that for a minute and looked at me like I must have been the biggest liar in the world when he told me "There's NO WAY she could carry that dollar bill if she's that small!"

I couldn't help picturing a small fairy struggling with a giant dollar under his pillow. I had no answer for that so I just said it must be magic!
12-Feb-2008 @ 8:43:13am
 
Estee this is soo funny, like they say, out of the mouth of babes........... My story is cute. During my first marriage I had three children 1 1/2 years apart.(between each LOL). When it came time for them to go to pre-school I found a great place for them in a nieghboring town. Andrew did his two years, Matthew did his two years, (Matt one year behind Andy) and then two years later, Elizabeth did her two years. I got to know the staff extremely well. The school was great! Very pleased indeed. SO..........
10 years down the road... I have Hannah entering into pre-school and we happened to live in the same town as the school now. Well the pre-school was located and operated out of the basement of a church. I met with the faculty to show Hannah around. My child immediately fell in love with the place. PERFECT. She was to start in early Sept. after Labor Day weekend. Only come Labor Day my husband, being an Owner/Operator Tractor trailer driver came home and stated that we were going on a road trip to Miami. We left the day Hannah was to start school. I called the school and told them what was going on and that Hannah would be there starting the next week.
Monday comes and I bring Hannah to school. Right from the start there was no prying the child off my leg to my relief. I pulled the teacher aside to explain to her that Hannah being the youngest of six and being raised in a house with older children that she may "come out" with things not appropriate for her age. In other words, Hannah's favorite adjective at the time was "HELL", as in what the hell is that? where the hell are we going now? Now you have to realize I'm hving this conversation with the lead teacher in the vestible of the church. When I was done stating my fears the teacher turned to me and said, Hun don't worry about it. The other day when you brought Hannah in for orientation another mother came in with her little boy. He seemed to love the place, bounced around from one area to the next, happy to be there. Then when his mother and I were havng a conversation the little boy began tugging on his mothers pantleg. After a while the mother said, Honey please Mommy is trying to have a conversation, don't interrupt. When the boy exclaimed, "OK but I only need to know one thing," and the mother said, "OK what is that?" and the boy went on to say, " Where the F&^* is the TV?!!! So Terry (the teacher) said to me you don't have to worry I've heard it all!!! I was in shock to say the least. The teacher explained then and there they, (the mother and teacher) told the little boy that cursing such profanity wasn't allowed and that he was to refrain from using such language. But for her to tell me this story inside the church itself, well I found it very funny...
13-Feb-2008 @ 8:39:07am
 
i could tell you some stories about the neices and newphews when they was growning up.. some of the things they said you just have set back and laugh at them..my oldest great niece when she was about a year and half old at christmas time when my mom was still alive.. but anyways she had this god awfulest presents under the tree and she didn`t even make half way through the presents and she couldn`t say no more nanny no more, she said no mere nanny no mere!! lol that was to funny!!! i still think about that to this day lol!!
13-Feb-2008 @ 7:15:03pm
 
Hey, It really does get better but be prepared for the teenage years those are quite a wild ride.Sometimes I think they don't realize we were once teenagers too, and some of the stuff they do and say. But now its payback for me so to speak my children are grown and I now have grandson and he is all boy let me tell you I hear my daughter saying I sound just like you mom,how did you raise 2 girls this is exhausing. I just smile and say hang in there kid-o. They do listen they just dont want you to know. So chin-up and hang-in-there.
14-Feb-2008 @ 8:55:41am
 
this is awesome and so funny
love it!!
14-Feb-2008 @ 10:35:09am
 
Your days sound as fun as mine! Being a preK teacher of 4-yr-olds I sure do hear some funny things. But I can count on my own 4-yr-old son to be a constant source of entertainment. About a year ago my son, Garrett, was sitting at the kitchen table ejoying his very first Twinkie (and making a huge mess with it!). The conversation went something like this:
Me: I guess you like Twinkies huh, Garrett?
Garrett: This a Twinkie?
Me: Yep.
Garrett: Where this Twinkie lives?
Me: Umm… I don’t know. Where do you think Twinkies live?
Garrett: Prob’ly at Walmart!
14-Feb-2008 @ 2:32:08pm
 
Oh wow...hilarious!
15-Feb-2008 @ 11:24:55am
 
This is so cute! I read this out loud to Tim and we both laughed!
16-Feb-2008 @ 7:56:23am
 
Estee, I am a 62 year old grandma that has had two joint replacements in the last 1 1/2 years. I simply wanted to say THANK YOU for giving me such a HUGE chuckle. This is the funniest story and you are such a creative writer. I LOVED it.
My son who is now a father to a 13 year old girl and 10 year old boy. I tell him he should have been the parent first so I could have taken lessons because he is much more strict then I ever was. ROFLOL
Thanks again for putting a smile on my face and a laugh in my voice.
HUGS!
16-Feb-2008 @ 10:09:42am