One of the hardest things I have had to do recently was let go of a life I thought would be mine. It has not been easy, but something I now see I needed to do. At the age of 20 I fell in love with someone I thought was my other half. We created a beautiful little girl together but things quickly went south. We were together for 4 years and had been through a lot....or should I say I HAD DONE A LOT FOR HIM. I did everything I felt I was supposed to and naively expected everything would be okay. The problem was that what I did not yet learn would cause me to not see things as clearly as I should have. The love turned out to be a one way street and my heart was shattered. The funny thing was that for most of our relationship I wasn't treated right but thought that because I loved him, this was the life I'd chosen and had to stick it out. Many times I told myself that if one thing happened or another we'd be ok...this helped keep the fog in my world. This fog began to lift when I discovered that he was sleeping with someone who I'd thought to be my best friend for 6 years. After we were apart they began dating. Of course this did not work out because his main goal was to be with whoever it was he could most benefit from at the time. Over the two years that followed I still believed we were meant for each other; he was just lost and would quickly find his way back to me. This of course did not happen. He came back alright but it wasn't because it was me he wanted. He came back because....honestly I do not know. Each time I let him back in of course thinking something had changed and each time he found something new I was discarded on the side of the road.

What I realized was that he wasn't the other half of me. I was whole all by myself. I didn't need him or anyone else to complete me. Who I was and what I had to offer in any relationship, life and love was enough. I deserved better and so did my daughter. Naturally he is a man of appearance so he plays the role of good dad from time to time, but even that doesn't last. The end of last year I decided that if I was going to have a life of my own, one in which I was happy, I had to leave from where he could reach me. See even though he didn't want me, he couldn't let me move on with my life either. The beginning of this year I chose to move to Florida. This move frightened me a great deal because the truth is that I have never lived anywhere else (in my short 26 years LOL) but it was one I KNEW was necessary. I was blessed to have a grandfather here willing to help me on my new journey and though I had to make a few sacrifices, I know I am where I need to be. Things are moving much slower than I had hoped but I have faith that I will get to where I need to be. Now if I could just find a job LOL LOL Life for once looks promising to me and I am happy I was able to remove my daughter from a place I knew would swallow her whole and pull her away from me.

I am thankful each day that I was strong enough to let go of the life I thought was meant for me because had I not, I would have never had the life I wanted.