1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's
used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy
of Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and
magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit
bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part
in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyways, I locked all four of 'em in the house,
Better wait outside.