JULY 3 2006 a day that will go down in my history book as a day to never forget. today I have come to the realization that my marriage is really over. And here's the real kicker had I been paying attention I could have done something to save it. It all started Sunday July 2, I said I wanted to see a movie and he said o.k lets go, he was standing in line  waiting to buy a ticket and I was standing a few people behind him, well I noticed my smoke was bothering the people in front of me so I moved over out as not to offend anyone well there was a police officer directly in my sight, not thinking of him I was staring off into space. and thinking of my family problems of the day before. (I have 6 siblings and 4 of them called me on the same day wanting to know why I wasn't doing this or that for my mother every one yelling at me over the phone trying to make me see things their way) well needless to say that what was on my mind as I stared aimlessly off into the direction of the officer, well after the movie was over and my husband and I was coming out it looked to me as though the officer was arresting someone and I looked over to see what was going on and my husband boldly turned and said to me why don't you just gone on over there if that's what you want (now my slow brain couldn't figure out what was going on so I just stopped and looked at him with my mouth wide open and stupidly said "where did that come from" and he let me know. told me I had been staring at that officer and he knew that he was what I wanted (furtherest thing from my mind at that time) and as he proceeded to rant and rave about me staring I walked away not knowing that it was the begging of my end, he yelled and told me to come back and get my car that he didn't want it and I kept on walking, I walked around town for a while not knowing where I was going just walking and when I was sure he was gone I headed to my car got in the car and  just started driving not knowing where I was going just driving after about 60 miles I pulled over in a Popeye's parking lot turned the car off and had a good cry, I could not understand what just happened I was lost o.k I said to myself let me go back home and try and figure out what just happened here and I turned my cell phone on and back home I went. there was a message on my vm from my husband asking me to come home and maybe we could work this thing out, go to church, talk to a marriage council, something. Well I guess I was so blinded with rage that when he started to talk to me I continued to profess my innocence and he kept throwing the acquisitions. I could see we were not getting no where so I shut down completely, just stopped talking to him. (that was Saturday night) as the days went on I Begin to soften and I was able to look at him without wanting to scream and he asked me again let's get some help, lets talk to someone, lets go to church tomorrow morning. (this man stopped going to Church months ago) so me in my infinite wisdom said very coldly, "So now you want to go to church" (Should have just kept my mouth shut and went) but my pride told me if I give in it would be an admittance to doing something wrong and In my mind I did nothing wrong (if I only knew then what I know now) He was crying out for help and I guess my actions said to him I don't care) well when Friday rolled around I got up and went to work like I always do and when I got there I realized that I forgot my glasses and came home to get them when I got home I saw all his clothes packed and he was standing in the bedroom and informed me that he was leaving me I could not understand that at that time my brain could not comprehend just what leaving me entailed. I looked at him and said so stupidly "I don't have time for you silly tantrums and I left, after I sat in the car in the driveway for about 2 minutes it hit me he was leaving me really leaving me this was no game no joke he was walking out only this marriage giving up pulling the plug. and I wanted to know why so out the car I got came back into the house and confronted him Your leaving me WHY? and as he Begin to explain i felt sick to my stomach "You are always paying other guys to much attention you are always staring at other men in the street, I know I'm not a tall man not a skinny man I know thats what you want , how do you know what I want I asked If I wanted all that I would not be here with you. I want you well it was to late for any kind of begging his mind was made up and he was leaving and there was nothing I could say or do to change it. and as he walked out that door he told me that "I know you and that officer been seeing each other I know you met him when Ashley went to the police-a-kid-a-me" I told him that I had never seen that officer before in my life. the next words out of his mouth sent me into a blind rage, "I know you slept with him" I screamed I cussed I through things I professed my love and devotion to him over and over again but it fell upon deaf ears. so I started yelling GET OUT JUST GET OUT... and he did (I have never felt a pain so deep as when that front door closed and he was gone. nothing and I mean nothing ever hurt me like that (little did I know there was more) I let him cool off for a day and night and then I just had to talk to him and make sure he was alright well little did I know that he was just fine doing well at his ex-wifes home he had went back that cut just got deeper, but it wasn't deep enough for him, I called him on his job today and told him that we had to talk he owed me that much, I went over there and he looked at me like I was some kind of strange person looked me in the eye and told me that when he left he had no intentions of going back to her but when she found out that he was in need of a place to stay she opened her door back to him, I begged and pleaded and cry ed and try ed to hold him in my arms  please come back home please, and he pushed me away like I was some little scrupmt in the street and kept looking around like he couldn't be seen with me and then told me that he hated me because I made him leave Ashley and now he can never see her again (you just don't do that to people to children you just don't do that) I am the wife and you cant be seen with me. I just drove away came home and cry ed until my tear ducts were dry and sat down and started typing and you know it feels a little better to get some of this out.