Kath, no apologies necessary as we all need a good cry and, yes, a pity party now and then and it sounds like you could use some sympathy and support. I am really sorry for your losses. You never get over them but somehow I hope you will find a way to get past them. Believe me, I can also sympathize with chronic health problems that seem to multiply at times with no end in sight. First hand experience with that issue says keep your mind occupied as much as possible with other things. In regard to your quest for the matchbook note pads, I recently saw an ad in a magazine for those. I will have to PM you with the web site where you can buy them. They have tiny calendars you can put inside them too. After you have completed some I hope you will post pics and let us all see the results.