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Username Post: So are you trying?        (Topic#1559987)
Babys Got Blue Eyes
Governor
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Joined: 07-22-07
Babys Got Blue Eyes

Today I got asked, yet again, "So are you trying to have kids?" by a co-worker. Last week, my supervisor asked me. I think this SO inappropriate. I'm not close with either of these people. I know I've been married for four years and it may seem the norm to have children by this point in marriage, however I don't appreciate being asked this question.

I suppose she was trying to make conversation with me and maybe I'm sensitive on the subject, but IMHO, BUTT OUT!

Thoughts?


 
Scrapsaholic
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Joined: 03-01-07
Scrapsaholic
In response to Babys Got Blue Eyes

I'm guilty of asking people this question, but usually is to people I know well. And I gotta say, I never ask to "butt in" their business, I ask simply because I'm curious and want to know more about them or just to start a conversation.


 
Seaexplore
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Seaexplore
In response to Babys Got Blue Eyes

I hated that question when DH and I weren't even thinking of trying.

If you can, burst into tears and run off. They won't ask again!

You can also just straight up tell them that they'll know when you're pregnant and that you aren't interested in discussing it with them.

Personally, I like the bursting into tears idea but I could never do it.


 
CASBa
CASBa 
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Joined: 10-12-08
CASBa
  • CASBa on 06-17-11 08:32 AM
In response to Babys Got Blue Eyes

I think it is a pretty normal question to be asked. We get it all the time (most people don't know I am pregnant). I think people don't even realize how rude, invasive or hurtful it can be for some people to be asked this.


 
950nancy
Diva
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Joined: 05-17-09
950nancy
In response to Scrapsaholic

Nope, never. I think I know too many people who are trying and it isn't going so well. Sometimes in casual conversation I might ask if people want (ever) to have kids though.


 
Bxr-Linda
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Bxr-Linda
In response to Babys Got Blue Eyes

I completely agree. No one's business but you and hubby! We didn't tell anyone until we were pregnant.

I have to guess that the people who are asking are just doing so to make conversation and don't mean to be rude and intrusive.

You may adopt some kind of clever response:

"That's a personal question. Why do you ask?"
"Not at the moment. Are you?"
"No. We're just practicing now."



 
Bxr-Linda
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Bxr-Linda
In response to Bxr-Linda

ooooohhhh! LOVE Tiff's suggestion. I would so do that, if I could pull it off.


 
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic
In response to Bxr-Linda

Linda, I love the last 2 responses...funny!


 
Seaexplore
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Joined: 06-16-05
Seaexplore
In response to Bxr-Linda

when DH and I first got married (in 2004) we ran off to Tahoe and didn't tell anyone (not even parents). There were a few older ladies at work who were CONVINCED I was pregnant and it made it back to me. How VERY wrong they were. We didn't even get pregnant for the first time until May 2010! People are just so up in everyone elses reproductive business.

One of my friends actually suggested the run off crying thing when people kept asking if we were going to have kids. At one point I told them that I wasn't sure if we even COULD. That shut them up too.


 
Bxr-Linda
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Bxr-Linda
In response to Seaexplore

My mother was soooooo excited to have grandchildren, that she made a toast at our wedding, "to the bride and groom, and my future grandchildren."

Of course, then everyone thought I was pregnant! It was years later that we had our first, but people sure whispered at our wedding. THANKS MOM!


 
Babys Got Blue Eyes
Governor
Posts: 15270
Joined: 07-22-07
Babys Got Blue Eyes
In response to Bxr-Linda

  • Bxr-Linda Said:
I completely agree. No one's business but you and hubby! We didn't tell anyone until we were pregnant.

I have to guess that the people who are asking are just doing so to make conversation and don't mean to be rude and intrusive.

You may adopt some kind of clever response:

"That's a personal question. Why do you ask?"
"Not at the moment. Are you?"
"No. We're just practicing now."





HHAHAHA I love it!


 
Babys Got Blue Eyes
Governor
Posts: 15270
Joined: 07-22-07
Babys Got Blue Eyes
In response to Babys Got Blue Eyes

I answered my co-worker and said "That's a personal question" today.

I know how hurtful it was to be asked this question for my friend who had two miscarriages and tried several rounds of IVF without success. (Good thing is, she had a baby last year!)

Thanks for the support and funny responses. My sister used to tell people her husband was shooting blanks--a total lie but it got them to SHUT UP!


 
MrsAnnieS
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MrsAnnieS
In response to Babys Got Blue Eyes

I get asked that all the time by coworkers-but I have been working with them for 5 years so I don't find it that bad, it hasn't helped that 3 people on my team have had babies in the last 6 months. But when it comes to people who I don't know very well/ feel comfortable talking about it with, I just tell them to butt out (but usually in a fairly nice way)


 
Tina scraps
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Joined: 07-05-07
Tina scraps
In response to Bxr-Linda

  • Bxr-Linda Said:
I completely agree. No one's business but you and hubby! We didn't tell anyone until we were pregnant.

I have to guess that the people who are asking are just doing so to make conversation and don't mean to be rude and intrusive.

You may adopt some kind of clever response:

"That's a personal question. Why do you ask?"
"Not at the moment. Are you?"
"No. We're just practicing now."





LOVE it!

Most people who know me well, know not to ask me questions like that, because I've said I don't want children. Sometimes, however, well meaning "friends" will semi-lecture me on the benefits of kids, what I'm losing out on, etc, or ask me why I don't want them.

or what really drives me crazy is when they absolutely INSIST that I will change my mind. I seriously doubt it, and it drives me nuts when people act like they know me better than I know myself!


 
amandahugandkiss
Diva
Posts: 9324
Joined: 12-27-08
amandahugandkiss
In response to Tina scraps

People used to ask me that all the time.

Do you know what I find even ruder??? People who ask me what colour my pubic hair is. I am not kidding. I am a natural redhead, which is quite rare here. I have even had little old ladies ask if the "carpets match the drapes".


 
CASBa
CASBa 
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CASBa
  • CASBa on 06-17-11 09:12 AM
In response to amandahugandkiss

That is HILARIOUS Amanda.


 
SuperAllyFan
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Joined: 03-13-07
SuperAllyFan
In response to CASBa

I think that is an awful question. It may be a cultural thing but that doesn't seem to be something that gets asked here in the UK. To me, that's someone asking about your sex life and that is totally inappropriate. To ask, do you want to have kids in the future is more reasonable, but to ask if you're trying is just out of order


 
Seaexplore
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Joined: 06-16-05
Seaexplore
In response to SuperAllyFan

OMG Amanda!


 
CASBa
CASBa 
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Joined: 10-12-08
CASBa
  • CASBa on 06-17-11 09:24 AM
In response to Tina scraps

  • Tina scraps Said:


or what really drives me crazy is when they absolutely INSIST that I will change my mind. I seriously doubt it, and it drives me nuts when people act like they know me better than I know myself!



I used to HATE when people would tell me I would change my mind. I mean I did, but that doesn't mean everyone does. Why do people HAVE to have kids to be happy?


 
Tina scraps
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Joined: 07-05-07
Tina scraps
In response to amandahugandkiss

  • amandahugandkiss Said:
People used to ask me that all the time.

Do you know what I find even ruder??? People who ask me what colour my pubic hair is. I am not kidding. I am a natural redhead, which is quite rare here. I have even had little old ladies ask if the "carpets match the drapes".





 
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