Username Post: Baby Shower Etiquette?        (Topic#1573555)
Fargomutt
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Fargomutt

HELP!!! (hope this doesnt get too long!!)

I wanted to throw a baby shower for my husband's niece - this is their first and she due in late August. So DH's sister texts me last week saying she wants to discuss the "when" as niece's in-laws will be in town Memorial Day weekend (i wanted to have it at the end of June). I told her we can discuss after Easter Dinner - which we did. I had asked niece to give me a list of people to invite - next thing i see is that she has basically planned out the entire shower including where they are going to have it (at her house) and most of the food. They are getting tables and tents from the church.

I jokingly told the father that all he had to do was come to my house when it was all over and take the "loot" home. He said "OH NO IM NOT - its going to be at our house". I was stunned.

I dont know what to do. Should i just step back and let them handle it? Should i stand my ground and somehow tell them that i was going to have it either at a restaurant or my house (or at my community center) and that i was going to foot the bill for the food. I had definite VISIONS for the baby shower and NONE of them will happen if they take over!

I can deal with the fact that they want the in-laws and i dont mind having on a holiday weekend but just to take over the entire planning is was really irks me!


 
Seaexplore
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Seaexplore
In response to Fargomutt

Let them do it. Sounds like most if not all of the planning has been done.

You can sit back and enjoy being a guest.


 
kelseymel
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kelseymel
In response to Seaexplore

I agree with Tiff, let them handle it.

It wouldn't be worth it to me to possibly negate what should be a very happy occasion.


 
ScrappyMama6
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ScrappyMama6
In response to kelseymel

Yep, let the pushy whiners win this one. Bring a gift, sit back and enjoy a stress-free party. And they can clean up the mess afterwards too.

Not worth the headache!


 
NMlady
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NMlady
In response to ScrappyMama6

Make it clear that you are no longer hosting the event.


 
CommaHolly
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CommaHolly
In response to NMlady

I bet they would take your cash, though,,,,,,,

I's step back and say somehow, as nicely as possible, that you "understand they want to throw the shower themselves, so you are stepping back to allow that."

I did a shower like that once,,,,,the only input I had was my cash,,,,,and it wasn't cheap either.


 
mickeysamiga
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mickeysamiga
In response to CommaHolly

  • CommaHolly Said:
I bet they would take your cash, though,,,,,,,

I's step back and say somehow, as nicely as possible, that you "understand they want to throw the shower themselves, so you are stepping back to allow that."

I did a shower like that once,,,,,the only input I had was my cash,,,,,and it wasn't cheap either.



Nicely said. I'd agree w/Holly, step back but definately tell them that you are no longer hosting but in a nice way. I've had it done to me too and i'm quite the control freak so it I was not happy. I had planned the whole party out also, location, food, decorations, etc. and the mom-to-be had other visions. Well since it is her day...I let her and her mom run w/it. Unfortunately I did get stuck w/flipping some of the bill. Lesson learned, good luck.


 
bgsl56
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bgsl56
In response to mickeysamiga

Maybe I'm old - fashioned, but when someone is gracious enough to go to the effort of throwing a shower for you, it doesn't mean they are opening their bank account to finance a big party for you. The recepient should have some imput, but not control the whole thing. Give the hostess a guest list, agree upon a date for the event, show up with a smile on your face and be grateful that they care enough to go to the effort. If you don't want them to give the shower , then say so, diplomatically. JMHO


 
RockStar
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In response to bgsl56

Wow, so many words to describe your situation. Being in the final throes myself of planning a reception celebrating my daughter's recent marriage, I can relate in my gut some of the things that could have gone differently.

Agree. It'll probably be a difficult thing to do, but be the bigger person and let it go.



 
CommaHolly
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CommaHolly
In response to bgsl56

  • bgsl56 Said:
Maybe I'm old - fashioned, but when someone is gracious enough to go to the effort of throwing a shower for you, it doesn't mean they are opening their bank account to finance a big party for you. The recepient should have some imput, but not control the whole thing. Give the hostess a guest list, agree upon a date for the event, show up with a smile on your face and be grateful that they care enough to go to the effort. If you don't want them to give the shower , then say so, diplomatically. JMHO




I feel the same way, but in my case the sister of the woman having the baby took over and then put out her hand for cash from me,,,,it wasn't the recipient of the shower that was rude, but rather her sister who chose to plan everything (including how much it would cost) and then wanted cash from me as "one of the givers".

BS, I did nothing, she did it all,,,if I'd truly been involved, it wouldn't have been that expensive.


 
950nancy
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950nancy
In response to CommaHolly

Don't suppose you could throw a shower with other attendees than the family? I had 4 showers thrown by different people with different people attending. None of them were big or expensive.


 
auntieant
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auntieant
In response to 950nancy

I would say just be a guest and let them handle it. Matter of fact since you did discuss and now they have choosen to go a different route. I would tell her very nicely "well since you have done everything I don't see where I am needed so I will just come as a guest". That's all you can do.


 
Luvmyfam
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Luvmyfam
In response to auntieant

  • auntieant Said:
I would say just be a guest and let them handle it. Matter of fact since you did discuss and now they have choosen to go a different route. I would tell her very nicely "well since you have done everything I don't see where I am needed so I will just come as a guest". That's all you can do.



This!


 
Trina_P
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Trina_P
In response to Luvmyfam

  • Luvmyfam Said:
  • auntieant Said:
I would say just be a guest and let them handle it. Matter of fact since you did discuss and now they have choosen to go a different route. I would tell her very nicely "well since you have done everything I don't see where I am needed so I will just come as a guest". That's all you can do.



This!



Agreed! Reiterate GUEST so you are not footing the bill for the shower they so desperately want to do.


 
kelseymel
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kelseymel
In response to Trina_P

Oh, absolutely!

When I said "let them handle it" that meant "let them pay for it" too.


 
Kit Scrapo
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Kit Scrapo
In response to kelseymel

buy a really awesome gift with the money you would have spent on the party...


 
RockStar
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RockStar
In response to Kit Scrapo

  • Nautolan Said:
buy a really awesome gift with the money you would have spent on the party...



Excellent idea to add to the rest!
Yes. Let it go.


 
CommaHolly
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CommaHolly
In response to RockStar

Or, as someone else suggested, if you REALLY want to throw a shower,,,,,throw a small one with your side of the family,,,,,

or wait til after the baby is born and throw a "sprinkle".


 
Henri Jean
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Henri Jean
In response to CommaHolly

I had 4 showers when my first was born. My second child too!

Three were before the births - one from the church, one friends and family, one my neighbors. Seems the people my husband worked with threw me one too.

THe for each there was a shower after the baby was born and that one was a lot of fun.

When I got married I had 3 or 4 showers. If you want to have a shower for her - have one. I love to throw showers for weddings and babies and I'm sure the niece would not complain about having another shower!


 
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