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Username Post: Is this the norm? Ettiquite question!        (Topic#1581279)
Als_Gal
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Als_Gal

A cousin sent me a message asking if we were going to be able to attend my Aunt and Uncles 50th wedding Anniversary party in November. I asked what was the date she said the 17th I apologized and had to decline because November is a busy month well she then asked if I had her address to send my donation for the party. I was shocked she then proceeded to tell me that she was expecting at least 150 from Al and I then 130 from each of the kids. I didn't know how to reply kinda shocked that she expects a donation. I called my Mom to ask her if she was going so I could at least send a gift she said they weren't going either due to a wedding out of the town the weekend before. Since that coversation I got a call from the Caterer wanting my credit card information cause the cousin told her I was paying for the food I had to tell her that she was mistaken cause I wasn't paying for food. Well that let off a hail storm of emails now I am being bombarded with calls texts and emails calling me all sorts of names. How do you handle this?


 
GMFTS
GMFTS 
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GMFTS
  • GMFTS on 10-01-12 10:00 AM
In response to Als_Gal

Seriously?
How close are you/have you been to this aunt and uncle and cousins?

Sounds pretty outrageous to me. IMO you did the right thing to not pay anything and I would go ahead and send a gift to your aunt and uncle directly. As to the fallout: ignore it. Someone that brazen isn't going to be swayed by anything you are going to say.


 
Doreena
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Doreena
In response to GMFTS

That is outrageous! Donations are just that "donations" not requirements.
I would tell them to "F" -off and not read/respond to any of their texts/e-mail/phone calls!


 
pugs223
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Joined: 06-24-10
pugs223
In response to GMFTS

Wow. Is the cousin the child of the aunt & uncle? Not that it matters because this situation breaks every rule in the etiquette handbook.

Blackhole everything, no reponse. Try not to let it get to you. You're not planning the party and no one tells anyone what to give for a gift or "donation."

I have no words for the caterer aspect of this story.

Wow, just wow


 
Als_Gal
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Als_Gal
In response to pugs223

I havent seen them in over 10 years. I dont like this cousin at all thinks she is better then everyone else. I sent a nice email explaining why we can't make. She responds back with now my Aunt is in tears over this issue. To darn bad not my fault they didnt plan better .


 
stick
stick 
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stick
  • stick on 10-01-12 11:23 AM
In response to Als_Gal

Wow, what unbelievably bad manners!! So sorry you have to deal with it.


 
lifethroughalens
Veteran
Posts: 421
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lifethroughalens
In response to stick

WOW! How tacky is that. Like the others say, I would let it go too. Probably not worth the worry time, especially if you already have a plate full.


 
cindy312
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cindy312
In response to lifethroughalens

That is crazy. Good for you for handling it politely and with grace and not allowing yourself to be bullied.


 
SmartyPants
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SmartyPants
In response to lifethroughalens

WOW - this is one story for the books - I am sorry that you are going through this.

I agree - you weren't part of the "Planning Committee" so you are not required or expected by any means to contribute to the party. If you had been and had discussed it - then perhaps yes - but in this case . . . NO!!!

Sounds to me that you are not that close with your Aunt and Uncle - they should understand - at least I would hope!!

I would personally send a note directly to your Aunt and Uncle explaining your sadness for not being able to attend and leave it at that. You could explain to them that you were unaware of any of the planning for this party - you never know that your cousin has said to them (not that it really matters - but to at least give your side of the story). They may not even know - that is my guess!!

good luck and many hugs!!!


 
SmartyPants
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SmartyPants
In response to SmartyPants

oh yeah - did your mom receive the same phone call with a request for a donation??? just curious. Is this Aunt/Uncle related to your mom or dad?? Now I'm curious!! sorry!


 
Henri Jean
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Henri Jean
In response to SmartyPants

If you want to send your aunt and uncle a gift, then send it to them with a note that you are sorry you cannot attend the party.

Or just send them a nice anniversary card and tell them you are sorry to miss the celebration.

I don't think you should give anyone a dime! How dare they say you owe money and your kids own money. No way!

And I think I would block this cousin from email, facebook, texting - whatever you can block her from - you shouldn't have to deal with them. Or if you can't block them, just delete - don't even open.


 
Trina_P
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Trina_P
In response to Henri Jean

I have my doubts your aunt was "in tears" like she may have wanted you to believe. Trying to put a guit trip on ya sounds like.

Whole deal just sounds outrageously wrong! You are doing the right thing. I know it would stress me to be in that kind of predicament but try to not let it get to you too much.


 
scraprabbit
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scraprabbit
In response to Trina_P

Wow, that's crazy! Everything about that situation is rude!


 
Henri Jean
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Henri Jean
In response to scraprabbit

If you haven't seen this aunt and uncle in about 10 years - its very strange that she would be in tears.


 
Als_Gal
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Als_Gal
In response to SmartyPants

  • SmartyPants Said:
oh yeah - did your mom receive the same phone call with a request for a donation??? just curious. Is this Aunt/Uncle related to your mom or dad?? Now I'm curious!! sorry!




This is my Dads older brother, cousin talked to mom over fb because she doesn't have moms new number. My sisters all got the same message but I was the only one to get the call from the caterer seems that the cousin told my sisters I agreed to pay for catering I said NO I nnever agreed to that. I have my huge Winter Wonderland Extravaganza coming up and they know I am working hard on that. They all think it is crazy that she thinks we should donate to the party. My parents did their big 45th last year and didn't ask for a cent.


 
Luvmyfam
Governor
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Luvmyfam
In response to Als_Gal

That's many levels of crazy. I don't think you owe her an explanation whatsoever. A simple, "I am unable to attend" should suffice. Follow that up with a 50th anniversary card to the couple and be done with it.


 
Debbie2006
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Posts: 130
Joined: 12-31-05
Debbie2006
In response to Luvmyfam

IMO thats just tacky rude and wrong. Stand your ground and I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Next thing the cousin will do is charge admission to the celebration!


 
ScrappyMama6
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ScrappyMama6
In response to Doreena

  • Doreena Said:
That is outrageous! Donations are just that "donations" not requirements.
I would tell them to "F" -off and not read/respond to any of their texts/e-mail/phone calls!






THIS. They can go pound sand where the sun don't shine.

Not only don't pay, don't attend. Send a gift. Life's too short to deal with arseholes like that, even if they are family arseholes.


 
t-scraps
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t-scraps
In response to ScrappyMama6

Rude, tacky and disrespectful. Block your cousin.


 
_pink_glitter_hearts_
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Joined: 12-26-07
_pink_glitter_hearts_
In response to t-scraps

i think it's rude and tacky of your cousin and you handled yourself very well by standing your ground.


 
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