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Username Post: Cancer Sucks        (Topic#1529293)
ScrappyHeather
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ScrappyHeather
In response to Yellielynn

WOW! Its one thing to talk about a family member and their ailment but when you are a just a friend to someone in another family and do not know the family or family member from Adam you should not be broadcasting their every movement with the ailment. Especially when the person is a very private man. I don't think he would be happy knowing all that was being said by, pretty much, a stranger. Nor would his, wife, sons and daughter-in-laws!


 
scrappycath
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Joined: 07-03-07
scrappycath
In response to ScrappyHeather

I hate the Big C!

Angi - prayers for you, your son and your fiance too!

Terry - more prayers and hugs for you too

You are so right that it really helps to have a network of support. Especially friends and family.

I am hoping to make it to my 9 year anniversary of being C-free later this year.

I hope to celebrate those anniversaries with you too!

Prayers to all that are dealing with cancer or have lost someone to cancer, whether it is a family member, friend, themselves. And a bunch of these too


 
abbynormaloh75
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Joined: 01-11-10
abbynormaloh75
In response to scrappycath

right now i just feel soo helpless. i think he is depressed. i know he will not admit it, but he has slept all day. he will not even attempt to go into work and i can't get him up and walking around like the dr wants. he has just laid in bed and slept. i don't know what to do. i want him to at least get angry, get sad, get something. but at the same time i am trying to be understanding. he is going through something life changing. any ideas from those of you who have been there?


 
abbynormaloh75
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abbynormaloh75
In response to BlingQueenRia

  • BlingQueenRia Said:
Yeah. Terrible it is. I don't think I'm allowed to say WHAT it sucks on this G-rated board. I'll just leave it to your imaginations.


lol... i had to go and delete the first title of this thread...thought for sure it would get censored. so i understand. LOL.


 
Anonymous 
  • Anonymous on 02-27-10 01:41 PM
In response to abbynormaloh75

Cancer Survivor Here!
going on 9 years if cancer free!
Hodgkins Disease


 
abbynormaloh75
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abbynormaloh75
In response to theboydbunch

CONGRATS Deb. So glad you are cancer free. thanks for sharing. we need more good news instead of lists of those who have passed on. thanks for the smile.


 
Abby0317
Mayor
Posts: 11355
Joined: 11-19-08
Abby0317
In response to abbynormaloh75

Cathy~~you know I will accept as many digital hugs as I can get! Support from friends in any manner will help.

Deb~~Congrats to you too. I plan on saying that myself in 2019 (provided the Mayan calendar scare is wrong!)

Angi~~I understand your frustration. I think I might understand his attitude too. Scared...confused...lost. Again, the "why Me" thing. Sometimes tough love might work. Maybe a heart to heart talk where you tell me that you will fight like h*ll for him to survive but without him fighting too it won't help. If that doesn't work, I'd talk to his oncologist or doctor. I'm sure this isn't the first time these drs have seen his type of reaction. What about a male friend helping? Or his family? He may also need a little time to sort out what is happening. Males do things different and I know it personally drives me nutso sometimes!!!

Heather!!! No names were used...no harm no foul. She was sharing an experience of a friend. How often do we all do that? Chances are the FIL or the friend will never even know. IMHO I can't see the harm...sorry!


 
Yellielynn
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Yellielynn
In response to Abby0317

BMA


 
abbynormaloh75
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abbynormaloh75
In response to Yellielynn

BMA???

guess i don't know all the lingo yet. but welcome anyways.


 
abbynormaloh75
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Posts: 2246
Joined: 01-11-10
abbynormaloh75
In response to abbynormaloh75

Terry so he just yelled at me for trying to help him and i tried the tough love approach...didn't go so well. he threatened to move out. i know it is bugging him because he seriously has never been sick a day in his life. in the 7 years i have lived with him this is the first time he has even been to a doctor. so i agree, i think he is scared and worried and especially wondering why me? I also think this is a huge blow to his ego. So many times he has chastised people for not taking care of themselves, he was also always quick to make a quip whenever i got a migraine or wasn't feeling well. and now he is the one needing care. he isn't accepting the fact that i do not react with anger towards him, but complete love and wanting to "mother" a bit. i think i may take your advice and speak with the oncologist on tuesday. i just don't want him to get depressed...he needs to fight like hell.


 
950nancy
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950nancy
In response to Yellielynn

I lost both of my parents to cancer (that wasn't detected for quite some time). I always feel like I am living on borrowed time. It does make me appreciate people more. If there is any good that comes from this disease, it is that you come to appreciate people for just being. I always have to bite my tongue when my friends complain about their mothers for little reasons. If they only knew how much they would miss the little irritating habits...

On the much brighter side, cancer has come so far in the 21 years since I lost my mom. It has a long way to go, but the advances are amazing.


 
mizzgreenjeanz
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Posts: 159
Joined: 01-05-10
mizzgreenjeanz
In response to 950nancy

We all react to things differently. My mom had Small Cell Lung Carcinoma and it took her a lot of time to deal with and tell her closest family and friends. She needed almost a month to think and be at peace with what was ahead of her. It may just be that he needs to sort out his own thoughts first. I think it's probably normal to be depressed when you face your own mortality for the first time...especially when your a very healthy person. Hang in there, Ang. He just has a big mountain to climb and hasn't yet realized that you can help him up to the peak!

My mom starts chemotherapy on the 9th. We will all get through this process together.

Thanks for posting this thread. It's good to have an outlet.





 
Abby0317
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Abby0317
In response to mizzgreenjeanz

Oh Angi~~~I live with one of those big tuff guys who never needed a doctor or advice or mothering. My heart goes out to you! He needs to find a path to understand what has happened to him but he also needs to learn how to let others help him~~~just as my DH did this past year. I do believe talking to his doctor is a good thing because they need to help YOU help him. Hang in there....!!

I told my sons today (37 & 31) and that was hard on me and on them. The youngest I just blurted it out...didn't give it any thought at all. Danny took it well enough but about 10 min later I called him back and apologized for the way I told him. Then I got to thinking that there isn't a good way to do this. With the oldest I had a build up to the news rather than just blurting it and that worked a bit better. Being my wonderful little "yuppie puppy" he is now processing all of this. Which means he's devouring internet information so that he will be more knowledgeable than the doctors.
Tomorrow I tell my sister & brother. What is weird is that I told 2 really good friends tonight while we were at dinner together and I caught them several times looking at me strangely. Hmmm....

This is going help a lot of us that just need to "talk" a bit or (in my case) ramble a bit...Thanks Angi!


 
SQ Mandi
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SQ Mandi
In response to Abby0317

Cancer.. it does suck.. I have lost family & friends to the big "C" as well as know some survivors of it, and know some people currently living with it.


My grandmother- she had endometrial cancer. She had her uterus removed.. went through Chemo and radiation.. She got a clean bill of health! Two days later she suffered a heart attack that was cause by her getting hit with Leukemia. He had her heart attack November 13 2002 and passed December 1 2002.. They could not treat the leukemia.

My father~ He had testicular cancer. Had surgery and had a blood transfusion, and contracted aids from the blood transfusion.. but he died 13 years later because of aids and because the cancer had spread, chemo & radiation, as well as the surgery did not help.

My mother.. had cancer- went through chemo and survived.. she is cancer free now going on 18+ years!

My FIL was just recently diagnosed with colon cancer. (Just a few days ago) He has not started treatment yet)

My grandfather had colon cancer.. had a colostomy done and beat the cancer. He passed away a few years later though, May 7th 2002, on my oldest daughters birthday. (From natural causes, he was in his 80's)

My friend who my daughter Ilanna is named after.. Her father (who is more like my father too) has brain cancer. It has spread through his back, and other places.. chemo & radiation has not done anything.. He was given 6 months to live (5 years ago though)

DH lost 2 of his grandfather's to cancer. (One of them, had passed since we have been together, Oct. 2004 and the other one way before)

A friend's sister has Hodgkin s disease (Hodgkin s lymphoma)

I have 2 high school friends that have passed away from cancer.. one had stomach cancer, and the other had brain cancer.



Cancer is all around us lately... Every one continues to be in our thoughts and prayers




 
CommaHolly
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Joined: 01-30-09
CommaHolly
In response to ScrappyHeather

  • ScrappyHeather Said:
WOW! Its one thing to talk about a family member and their ailment but when you are a just a friend to someone in another family and do not know the family or family member from Adam you should not be broadcasting their every movement with the ailment. Especially when the person is a very private man. I don't think he would be happy knowing all that was being said by, pretty much, a stranger. Nor would his, wife, sons and daughter-in-laws!





well honey, not to upset you,,,,but when my father in law died I needed all my friends,,,,perhaps she's trying to be as supportive as she can,,,,,,perhaps she's trying to find ways to be supportive. She didnt use any names, nor did she in any way indicate who they might be,,,,,,so I thought (myself) that she was just trying to be the best friend she could be and maybe come away with some ideas to be supportive and loving of her friend,,,,,,,,

some people love their fathers in law the same way they love there fathers,,,,,I certainly did,,,,,and trust me when I say that EVERYONE understood my DHs pain when his dad died,,,,and NO ONE understood my pain,,,,,,he was, afterall ONLY my FIL,,,,,and that hurt,,,,,a great deal,,,,he was my FIL for 27 years.

so I understand what you're saying,,,,,,but I truly think maybe we should assume the best, rather than the worst about her motives.


 
abbynormaloh75
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abbynormaloh75
In response to CommaHolly

i will say...he went into work today. i am not sure when he is going to tell his boss, but his line of work in a small family and people talk, so i am sure he will find out. i just didnt want him finding out from someone other than ron. he wasn't sure how long he would make it at work today still sore from the biopsies but at least he is off his butt and doing something to get him mind off of everything ahead. i just continue to pray.


 
Abby0317
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Abby0317
In response to abbynormaloh75

That's great news Angi...maybe his pain was the cause of his actions yesterday and not acceptance etc. Let's hope!
I know I'm still sore from my biopsy too. My lump is so far buried that a reg biospy was impossible.
Well said Holly...!
It's no wonder that the "Big C" scares us so bad...all you have to do is look around you!


 
Yellielynn
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Posts: 10612
Joined: 07-22-08
Yellielynn
In response to CommaHolly

  • CommaHolly Said:
  • ScrappyHeather Said:
WOW! Its one thing to talk about a family member and their ailment but when you are a just a friend to someone in another family and do not know the family or family member from Adam you should not be broadcasting their every movement with the ailment. Especially when the person is a very private man. I don't think he would be happy knowing all that was being said by, pretty much, a stranger. Nor would his, wife, sons and daughter-in-laws!





well honey, not to upset you,,,,but when my father in law died I needed all my friends,,,,perhaps she's trying to be as supportive as she can,,,,,,perhaps she's trying to find ways to be supportive. She didnt use any names, nor did she in any way indicate who they might be,,,,,,so I thought (myself) that she was just trying to be the best friend she could be and maybe come away with some ideas to be supportive and loving of her friend,,,,,,,,

some people love their fathers in law the same way they love there fathers,,,,,I certainly did,,,,,and trust me when I say that EVERYONE understood my DHs pain when his dad died,,,,and NO ONE understood my pain,,,,,,he was, afterall ONLY my FIL,,,,,and that hurt,,,,,a great deal,,,,he was my FIL for 27 years.

so I understand what you're saying,,,,,,but I truly think maybe we should assume the best, rather than the worst about her motives.



Thank you Holly, YES I was trying to be supportive of my friend and her family in this difficult time. I did not give any personal information about who this individual is. I also checked first with his family before posting to make sure that it would be ok. He gave permission for his family to share the news with friends and loved ones. I have met this man before so it's not like it's someone I don't know.

Heather if it offends you that much then may I make the suggestion that you simply skip over my posts because ultimatly I was not speaking directly to you but rather to everyone. I thought this was a thread where people could share stories and chat with eachother about what obstacle life has thrown their way. Not so you can nit pick and complain about other people's posts!

When individuals and families go through hard times it's healthy to share and talk to others. To get advice or just chat so you know your not the only one in the situation. To know there are other people or families going thorough the same things. Without communication life would be a lot harder. It's sad that certain individuals haave to take things such as a innocent post about a sad time and make it something negative and create drama from it.


 
abbynormaloh75
Guru
Posts: 2246
Joined: 01-11-10
abbynormaloh75
In response to Yellielynn

i think we all understand that cancer is just ripping through our lives like an out of control train and we will all react to it differently. i made this thread because i felt like i was monopolizing my challenge and critique group threads with more bad news about my fiance. while everyone on those threads has been wayyyy supportive and understanding i didn't want to constantly bring the mood of those forums down. it is tough to post that your BF has cancer when other ladies are excited about new jobs, babies, and new homes. those events are just as important and deserve to be able to be celebrated in their entirety without my posts bringing everyone down. this was a place where i hope by mere name of the thread allows people to know coming here that we are dealing with sad, painful, and life threatening issues. while there will be triumphs along the way for each of us, there will undoubtedly be pain and sorrow. i hope that we will be able to all post and feel welcomed and comforted here. I don't want anyone to feel like they can not post how they are feeling or that they can't read a post for fear of being offended. let's all just be there for one another. i know i don't have much family to lean on for support so i need all the friends i can get. together we can fight cancer and hopefully win.


 
ScrappyHeather
Mayor
Posts: 10904
Joined: 08-16-07
ScrappyHeather
In response to Yellielynn

I am not here to try to argue. But I will say that Danielle is talking about someone in my family. He is a ver private man and I highly doubt that he gave HER permission to put his every move on the Internet. I doubt she even talked to him. I know for a fact that 2 o his son's are extremely irate that everything that has gone on as well as is going on with him is on the Internet and a public forum such as sb.c.
It is one thing to say that a friends family member is sick or has cancer and ask for prayers and thoughts but to tell of his every move should not be posted by her or anyone for that fact. They are a VERY private family and has already made I know yesterday that they do not want anything else, in detail posted on the Internet. This is a FAMILY Issue and only a family issue.
If your friend shared it with you then it should stay with you. As you said he gave his family premission o shre with loved ones and close friends and not for his every move to be posted on the Internet.


 
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