Haha.....cheers!!!

This is my first time to share any "funnies" here. But, have to share these true stories. Linny, you have already read these on January Photo Fun.
I HAVE to share a true and funny and scary story that happened to my friend, Marcelle and 2 of his friends last night. Marcelle (he is the leader of the Southern Plainsmen I have talked about before.) He and the guys went to the movies last night. About halfway through the movie, the screen goes blank. Marcelle goes to find an employee and discovers that all of the other screens have gone blank (I think the theater has 5 different movies going at once.) and there are NO employees anywhere in the building! Not one single employee in the entire building. Marcelle calls the cops and they call the manager who comes and starts the movies back for those who want to see the rest of the movie and free passes for another movie at a later date. Want bet that a whole bunch of employees are now ex-employees today?! I just wonder why they did it and how long it took them to decide to do such a stunt?! It's even funnier that it has not been too long ago that Marcelle got locked in a store when the store closed and everyone went home while he was in the bathroom. The other guys (in the group) had already went back to their bus. They looked out to see Marcelle looking out the door. He had to call 911 to let them know he was not breaking IN but, was trying to get OUT! The manager had to come let him out and I think Marcelle had to be fingerprinted before the cops would let him go. These are true stories! Who could make up this kind of stuff! The bright side to all of it is that it is great material for them to use when they are doing a concert and introducing each other. They are a great group of men! Love them all!

An atheist was hiking in the woods, appreciating nature when a HUGE grizzly bear charges him, ready to kill......

He falls to his knees, looks to the sky and cries.."Dear God...please help me!"

Immediately time freezes, the bear in mid-air. And God spoke to the man and said "If I help you now, does that mean you're having a change of heart and you believe in me now?"

The man said "God, I've been an atheist my whole life, it may be easier to just make the bear a Christian."

At which point, the bear un-freezes, sits on his back legs, folds his paws in prayer and says "Lord, bless this food which I am about to eat......."

very funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG, I'm so glad I decided to pop in here. That just cracked me up.

Here is an oldie but goodie....

Two elderly senior citizens living in an assisted living facility caught each others eyes and hence the romantic journey began.

One night they decide to "do it".
And after it was over they both lay there contently, thoughts of what just had inspired going through their heads.

The gentleman is laying there thinking....
Gee.... if I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been a little more gentle with her.

The lady is laying there thinking....
Gee... if I had known he could still do it, I would have taken my pantyhose off.

Sure wish I had some goodies to tell.

good one Kat!

Funny! Thanks for sharing!

Brilliant Woman
Author Unknown
• Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
• One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
• My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
• I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!
• Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat. "Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
• A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
• I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
• I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

It's all so true.

I LOVE that!!!!

Miss Kat....I thought you'd like this one:

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”

“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that y...ou could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”

Miss M,thanks for sharing!!

Funny!!!!

OMG, that one needs to go up on the church bullitin. Anonymously of course.

To funny Miss M!!!!

JCI if there were any new jokes!

When someone tells you to get a "grip"....
Apparently, around their neck is not what they mean....

who knew?

Oh Kat, what have you done.