A man entered a pharmacy and asked to speak with a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to explained that she was the pharmacist. She and her sister owned the store, and there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help him with.
The man said that it was something he would feel more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "Well, this is very difficult for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering if you could give me something for it?"
"Just a moment," she said. "I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said to him, "I've discussed it at length with my sister and this is our absolute best offer..... we can give you 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $2500 a month for living expenses."
Three friends married women from different parts of the US .
The first man married a woman from Florida . He told her that she was to
do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the
third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put
The second man married a woman from Texas . He gave his wife orders that
she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he
didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was
a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Washington . He ordered her to keep the
house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on
the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything,
the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the
swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and
his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load
the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
I have a personal blonde moment for you all...A little background: I live in SW KS where it is VERY windy most of the time. We have quite a few wind farms that generate electricity out here. Well DH and I were out driving around looking for old farm houses for sale when we passed a cattle feed yard. There was this big, weird, tear drop shaped metal thing near by and I asked him what it was. He said "an old wind generator, they don't use it anymore." I sat there quiet a min and replied "You mean they had to MAKE wind out here?!?!" He was laughing so hard he had to stop the truck. It took me a minute to realize it was an old-school windmill basically.
When I first started to watch the guys play pool (8-ball), i found it fascinating!! They kept saying things like.. "you've the big ones, or... I've got the little ones"... Well, I would stare and stare at the balls on the table and they all looked the same size. Good gravy! it was months later when I asked one of the guys "how can you tell which ones are smaller, they all look the same size to me?". He laughed out loud so hard!!!! It's the numbers!!
I will always remember that!
Well... I showed those guys!!! I started shooting pool and i practiced and practiced until they didnt want to play with me anymore. I became a very good player!
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the
city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives.
The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, what's at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I
ain't never seen anything like that in my
entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady
in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving
walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between
them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father
watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse
order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24
year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off
the young woman, said quietly to his son,
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
One December my cousins brother in law thought he would play a joke on her and stole her yard decorations (they were the deer that light up). So in retaliation she had us (me, my sister, uncle and his kids) to take to the brother in laws house a huge sign that read (Merry Christmas from (their last name) and string it across their driveway. We also took a blow-up Santa, an old dead mum (from Halloween) and a toilet from her mom's bathroom remodel. We sat the toilet out, with the mum in the bowl, with Santa posed as if he were flushing the toilet and waving at the same time. The banner was strung across the drive, so you had to get out of the car to move it. They live on a major road and because they were at family's house on Christmas Day it was out there for awhile. All of his friends called laughing at him and saying how much they LOVED his decorations.
To add to it, we found out the following Christmas that someone had taken a picture of it and sent out Christmas cards to all of their friends, his work, her work (she works for a doctor and the day it arrived in the mail, was the day the doctor decided to open the mail). This was a gift that kept giving. And, til this day he still turns bright red when it is even mentioned.