This actually happened to me 2 weeks ago.
I had went home to spend a week with my mom and help her with some things she needed done around her house. I also went to spend some time with my grandmother, as she is "going down hill" as they say. Anyway, as soon as I got home Saturday afternoon, mom said get in the car we are going to take grandma to get a hotdog (from Sonic, it's her favorite). When we got finished eating we took my grandmother back home and decided to sit out on her front porch for a while. My Aunt was there as well and she and I sat down on one of those 2 person plastic benches (like you can get at Walmart). We had been sitting there about 20 minutes, talking when IT BROKE!! My Aunt and I both hit the concrete porch. I haven't seen my grandmother laugh that hard in a long time. I told her I didn't realize I was that heavy! When she got to where she could talk she informed me that it was already cracked. I wished I had known that before hitting the floor. Grandmother's gotta love them!
I sure hope it didnt hurt anyone, but I can just see the surprised look on your faces!! and how wonderful to have given your grandmother a good laugh!!! that was good for her!!
Thank you so much for sharing that funny story!!!
Here's another little joke - an oldie but a goodie.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down,
facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about
Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out
that she was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!
I was a secretary for over 40 years. Occasionally I would transpose letters while typing, but as a rule I would "feel" the mistake and correct it. One day I saw my boss going from ofice to office laughing. It seems I had closed a letter by requesting the president of a sister-company to "please close your flie". My boss said he and the others couldn't decide if I had transposed letters in "file" or if I had misspelled "fly"!
This was the same poor boss who wore one of those nylonish shirts (back in the 70's). I still remember it was baby blue. I was never one to reach up and pick something off someone else's clothing, and I don't know what possessed me to do so in this case, but I was talking to him and involuntarily my hand reached up and plucked an errant hair from his shirt. I use the word "plucked" because it was still attached to his chest and had just worked its way through the material. He gave a loud yell which was heard throughout the office. Then proceeded to tell everyone what had happened!
how funny!!! you seem to have the same luck as I had when I used to work in the banking industry.... embarrassing moments......
There was a customer who all of us girls thought was a total hunk!!! (80's). One day he came to my desk and wanted a printout of his activity, I said sure and stood up while telling him I had to go to the other room to get it. SO I go into the room where the printer is and a co-worker is sitting at her desk and I say ... "OMG!! I am waiting on Mark so and so, he is sooooooo good looking he makes me curl my toes!!!!" Well.... she looked at me kinda funny like.... and i look at her again and she turns her eyes behind me.... HE IS FLIPPING STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had followed me in there!!!!!!!! he heard every flippin word out of my mouth!!! That doggone Joyce is sitting at her desk trying her hardest not to laugh out loud!!! I was soooooooooo embarrassed!!!!
OK....had to share this little experience with you all.
I finished washing the dishes and I was cleaning out the drain thingy. As I lift it out of the sink I see this circular rubbery thing that seemed to fall out from the bottom of the drain. So, I put it back on and it's not staying...I pushing it in; trying to give it a bit of a turn, but still, it won't stay. Upon closer examination the 'circular rubbery thing' is a slice of a black pitted olive!!!!! Think I need new glasses???
Another grandma story... Last year my mother and 2 of my Aunts brought my grandmother to Asheville N.C. for the weekend and I met them there. I had gotten information on a Trolley Tour that we could take because my grandmother doesn't get around well enough to do alot of walking. However, I forgot to get the "exact" directions as to where we were to meet the Trolley from our hotel. My mom had borrowed my sister's GPS but didn't have a clue as to how to work it. I don't have one myself so I just started with the information I had and figured once we got close enough there would be signs as to the "meeting" place. Anyway after some trial and error the GPS started giving directions and my grandmother leaned over to my mom and said "now how did that lady know where we were?" She thought it was a real person.
I just have to tell this story which has been on my mind since I finished a lo of my kids from the era this story happened during.
Back in the early-mid 70's we frequently to a lake at a state park to spend the day swimming and picnicking etc. One summer my sil was living with us as she was trying to get her adult life launched after college. At this time she was staunchly feminist and acted on her beliefs to include not shaving her legs.
So, one day at the lake we lined up at the snack stand to get ice cream - me, my 3yo son and my sil. Well there was a cute guy behind her and they were flirting a bit and all was going well - until ds pipes up from way below "Mommy? Why does Aunt K. have fur on her legs?"
That still cracks me up.
I am starting this thread for people who would like to share jokes or real life funny stories. It is true that laughter is the best medicine.
I am going to start this with a real life story.
I used to have a problem with saying things bass-ackwards.... well...i guess i still have that problem..
Anyway... back when I used to work in the banking industry, I worked at a drive-up bank located several blocks from the main office.
One day this man and his gf came to the drive-up to cash a couple of checks that were not drawn off our bank, but drawn off of First INTERSTATE bank. I asked if he had an account with us, because in banking, we have to have RECOURSE when cashing a check that is not drawn off our bank, "recourse" meaning a way to get our money back should the check come back NSF (Non Sufficient Funds). He said he didnt know if he had an account (duh), so I turned around and looked up his name in the puter...
I couldnt find any account under his name... so in my head I an thinking.... oh,man! i cannot cash these checks... they are drawn off of first INTERSTATE bank, I have no RECOURSE.
So, I turn around and with a very serious and concerned look on my face i say:
I am sorry sir, but we have to have intercourse.
Gasp! I sat there!!! Totally stunned as to what just came out of my mouth! I had intertwined the word "interstate" with "recourse". And I sat there wondering how I was ever going to fix it!!!! I thought I could perhaps try to come up with something when the teller behind me totally cracks up and says "What did you say???" and she just loses it!
The teller beside me was an elderly lady... and when she said "OH MY!!!", i totally lost it too!!! but it was an embarrassing laugh with tears coming down my face! i had no clue as to how i was gonna fix this slip of my tongue!
Well. the teller behind us calls the main office and says "You are not gonna believe what Alvie just said to a customer!" They knew about how I had a tendancy to mix up my words. SO the story spread like wild fire!!!
Well. the only thing i could say to the guy was... "You know what I meant" ..... I mean... that is all i could come up with!!
A few hours later, a couple of loan officers came up from the main branch to our drive-up and said:
"We hear our drive-up is now a full-service bank, is there a penalty for early withdrawal??
Yes i died again from embarrassment.
At the yearly Christmas party, I was given the Golden Zipper Award.
Yes, I will remember this forever....
just now starting to read this thread and already laughing so hard i couldn't read the story out loud if i wanted to!
I will throw in some work ones...I work in international adoption and given the amount of paperwork involved and the fact the paperwork needs to be pristine, sometimes we have ran across some rather funny things...
1. When you adopt, you have to order new certified copies of your birth certificate. One country in particular was PICKY about every little thing...we've had to have bcs corrected even! Anyway, we were combing through one set of documents and realized that HIS birth certificate listed him as a female! It took us quite a few minutes to get up the gumption to call him about this...when we did and I explained why I was calling, he said "First, how long did you laugh before you were able to call me?" then he pointed out there was an addendum attached to it (we didn't even notice we were too shocked!)
2. Same country....picky, picky, picky...one of the docs you had to do was a name affidavit...listing every version your name could possibly have including if your name is often misspelled...basically gather all your other docs then comb them for versions of your name. Anyway, this woman had a middle name that was a fairly common name but she had been told all her life how to spell it because it had an uncommon spelling. So our case manager was looking at the name affidavit, comparing it to all the other docs, including the birth certificate. The case manager calls me and says "How do you tell someone they are misspelling their own (middle) name?" Anyway, so she calls the woman...as her bc listed her middle name as being spelled the normal way (it was something like Diana) but she had spelled it the way she was taught...all throughout her docs and on the name affidavit. She was shocked to get the call to say the least! She had never even really looked at her birth certificate...sure enough, it was the normal spelling. So, she calls her mom to ask why she had always been told of the other spelling...the answer her mom gave "Well, honey, you know they did drug you up quite a bit back then..."
okay..... I know i have already told this joke.... but it is so funny, I have to say it again.
Woman walks into the HR mgr at work and says she wants to file a sexual harassment complaint.
HR MGR: What is the problem?
Employee: Every morning Tom walks up to me and inhales real deep and says "hmmmmmmm, your hair smells so nice!!"
HR Mgr: Well.... kind of sounds like he is just giving you a compliment to me.
Employee: well....it would.... but..... he's a midget.