Username Post: Night Owls Unite Chat Room        (Topic#1533627)
mickeysamiga
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mickeysamiga
In response to uoduck

Hello again ladies. Ok, I have to admit....I created the monster in my EX. His mom certainly didn't raise him to be the way I had him. It was the way I was taught that he just sat back and let me do it all!!

Now DH now, his momma taught him well.

Val, I agree, don't just give him a to-do list for special occasions, make it a daily thing. Kinda like who's doing what on what days. Especially since you are working full time now, you need the help daily. Make a calendar, include dinner menu, chores, kids activities, and anything else important. I think by putting it in writing in front of him he will see you can't possibly do it all yourself.


 
uoduck
uoduck 
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uoduck
In response to mickeysamiga

I think you are right Mickey and yes part of this is my fault too b/c of how I was raised (woman's work) but a lot is how he was raised and his dad not doing a thing for his mom and neither parent doing things for their kids (going to their activities, gifts, signs of affection, etc....) WOLVES!!!!


 
mickeysamiga
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mickeysamiga
In response to uoduck

Yup Val, we sometimes don't help when we were raised to be Super Women! lol So don't give up, keep working w/him. Stop doing certain things little by little and see if he will take things upon himself. Like don't buy him deodorant the next time he needs it!!! LOL Will he really go without it???


 
joy2crop
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joy2crop
In response to mickeysamiga

Dinner done, bbiab


 
uoduck
uoduck 
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uoduck
In response to joy2crop

He might, LOL


 
uoduck
uoduck 
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uoduck
In response to uoduck

Ok so during this retraining process I'm going to be asking for advice. first question after i get the bear to bed. BB in about 10 min.


 
mickeysamiga
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mickeysamiga
In response to uoduck

  • uoduck Said:
He might, LOL



Try it!! try it!!


 
mickeysamiga
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Posts: 20428
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mickeysamiga
In response to uoduck

  • uoduck Said:
Ok so during this retraining process I'm going to be asking for advice. first question after i get the bear to bed. BB in about 10 min.



ask away...I will try my best to help


 
joy2crop
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joy2crop
In response to mickeysamiga

Done with dinner and cleaning up the kitchen, now back to these cards.


 
uoduck
uoduck 
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uoduck
In response to mickeysamiga

OK so here goes....

After a year of literally taking a shower everytime I wash dishes (faucet split on the seam and sprays) we finally got a new faucet yesterday. He has looked at it but has yet to install it (I could do it myself but am letting him), right now his excuse is he doesn't think he has any plumbers putty, it might be under the sink but he'll just go buy more tomorrow and install it tomorrow. I know this man well and have sooooo many unfinished projects around (always has an excuse) so I'm guess his next excuse it all the stuff under the sink is in his way - he is perfectly capable to moving it himself but I doubt he will. Do I just clear it out to remove the excuse (this is what old Val would do), wait for him to ask me to move it or use the excuse he can't do it b/c of it, or do I just let him do it himself and live another 6-12 months with it.


OH BTW I am in the scrappy happy place..... just cleaning but still here.


 
mickeysamiga
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mickeysamiga
In response to uoduck

Val, I personally would move everything out of his way, find the d@mn putty or buy some for him, and put everything on the counter and tell him "there!" Don't let him make an excuse, or put off. If he still finds an excuse, freaking HIRE someone!! Even if you can do it yourself, don't!! He won't care if you do it....he'll just see it as he won again. If you hire someone, I think he'll feel more like $hit about it (sorry).


 
uoduck
uoduck 
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uoduck
In response to mickeysamiga

OK will do! Thanks!


 
joy2crop
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joy2crop
In response to mickeysamiga

Val I say hire someone to do it and tell DH the $$'s is coming out of his skiing $$'s or riding $$'s or whatever he likes to spend $$'s


 
mickeysamiga
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mickeysamiga
In response to joy2crop

  • joy2crop Said:
Val I say hire someone to do it and tell DH the $$'s is coming out of his skiing $$'s or riding $$'s or whatever he likes to spend $$'s



OOOOOOOO yeah, if you hire someone...do this too!!!


 
joy2crop
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joy2crop
In response to joy2crop

Oh maybe Mickey's idea is better. LOL!


 
uoduck
uoduck 
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uoduck
In response to joy2crop

I think a combo of the two.


 
joy2crop
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joy2crop
In response to uoduck

  • uoduck Said:
I think a combo of the two.




 
CherylfromOz
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CherylfromOz
In response to mickeysamiga

  • mickeysamiga Said:
Val, I personally would move everything out of his way, find the d@mn putty or buy some for him, and put everything on the counter and tell him "there!" Don't let him make an excuse, or put off. If he still finds an excuse, freaking HIRE someone!! Even if you can do it yourself, don't!! He won't care if you do it....he'll just see it as he won again. If you hire someone, I think he'll feel more like $hit about it (sorry).




definitely do this

when I was working I had a blackboard on the wall, I would write all the extra jobs I wanted done on it and he would cross them off as he did them, and he only had a week timeframe to clear the board

It will be hard at first Val, but, it will get better and as hard as it is, stick with it, the kids won't starve, make sure there is a plenty of fruit.

give him a list and a timeframe


 
CherylfromOz
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CherylfromOz
In response to joy2crop

  • joy2crop Said:
Val I say hire someone to do it and tell DH the $$'s is coming out of his skiing $$'s or riding $$'s or whatever he likes to spend $$'s



DH was a builder, so if he got slack I would write the phone number of the plumber/painter whatever next to the job, he knew I would phone the day his time was up, only had to do that once


 
joy2crop
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joy2crop
In response to CherylfromOz

LOL Oz, I love it!


 
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