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Username Post: Another child...I wish! :(        (Topic#1569019)
sarah.eevans
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sarah.eevans

I am so happy that I saw this on here. I am on here all the time for scrapbooking but I really needed somewhere to get some answers to my problem...glad its all on my favorite website!

So here is a little background to my question...my husband and I have been married for almost 3 years but we have been going strong for 7. We have 2 boys, my oldest I had very young by someone else not in the picture at all so my husband has always been Dad, he is almost 9. My youngest just turned 3. I love my boys with all my heart! But I want so badly to try for a girl. I know I am not guarenteed a girl but I want a big family anyways. My husband does not. He doesn't want the expense and the up all night and diapers again. We aren't rich but we aren't poor either. I do understand where is he coming from but this is something I want so bad in life.

At times I feel completely selfish about it. I feel like it comes off that my boys aren't good enough when that is not the case at all. I just want to experience a girl. I am such a girly girl in a house full of boys. I don't try to pressure my husband because I know that will do me no good but he stands firm on not having another.

I think I am at the point to where I give up. My oldest is getting older and I really don't want to put that many years between kids again. I know that things could change in my husband's mind and I am hoping but right now everytime I see a baby girl I just wanna cry, and sometimes do.

So my question, how do I accept this? What makes it easy to just let that dream go? I have 2 nieces but they both live many states away and I only see them a couple times a year (which at that time I do get my temporary girl fix) it just isn't the same as having my own. I need to know how to be ok with no more kids. Please, any advice is so appreciated!


 
Scrapbook Queen
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Scrapbook Queen
In response to sarah.eevans

I can totally relate! We just had our first and he is a boy and he is lovely, amzing and I love him with all my heart but I really, really wanted a girl!! My husband is absolutley against having another, I was lucky to convince him to have one!!

I'm sorry I have no advice but wanted you to know you are not alone!!


 
cutencrafty
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cutencrafty
In response to Scrapbook Queen

You're not alone. I really want a girl too. I want to try for one more but my husband doesn't. I have two boys(3 yrs old and 4 yrs old) who are wonderful but always dreamed of having a girl. I am also a girly girl so at times it's hard and I try not to get to girlish with them. They are still young so I can get away with it a little bit.

It hurts I know, some days are better than others. One day it was like everywhere I turned there was a baby or baby related. There was a baby named Sophia in the store (that's what I wanted to name my baby if I had a girl), then my kids wanted to stop and look at the babies in their daycare and said they wanted a baby for chirstmas, then a person at work just found out they are pregnant. It was just a bad day.

I try to talk to my husband about it why I get sad sometimes about it but he just doesn't get it. He's like you have 2 healthy boys already and one day you'll have daughter in laws and grandchildren(hopefully a granddaughter). But I tell him it's not the same and plus that's like 25 years away. He also tells me to volunteer at the boys/girls club. But still it's not the same.

I try to focus on other things like hobbies or trying to lose weight. I think maybe one day when the kids are a little older we can get a girl dog and I can put bows in her hair.


 
aquabunny
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In response to cutencrafty

  • cutencrafty Said:

He's like you have 2 healthy boys already and one day you'll have daughter in laws and grandchildren(hopefully a granddaughter).


I hate when people say this - it literally makes me angry - like they never consider that their children might grow up to be asexual or infertile or otherwise choose not to marry or have kids of their own.

My mother has five adult children. Only one of us is married and none of us has children. She's 70. If she had ever staked any hopes on someday having grandchildren, we'd all be a real disappointment. But she's never pressured any of us in that way. Tell your husband that one. It won't convince him to have another kid but maybe it'll make him think twice before automatically assuming his children will lead typical adult lives and maybe he won't subconsciously put that kind of pressure on their little lives.


 
Michee
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In response to aquabunny

I feel for you! I am a mother to 3 boys...12, 9 and 1! After our second child was born my husband said he didn't want another. Although, deep down, we both wanted a daughter. I was always feeling like I would regret not having a third child, regardless of whether it was a girl or boy. It took my husband about 7 years to come to the point where he felt the same way, boy or girl. We got pregnant and sadly, I miscarried. We were all devastated. I got pregnant again the following year and the way the pregnancy was going, my gut told me it was a girl. When we found out that it was another boy, we were disappointed for a moment but that feeling quickly left. I LOVE my little man so much and although I wish I had a daughter to do the girly things with, I'm happy and complete now. I'm a blessed momma with my three sons. Best of luck!


 
sarah.eevans
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sarah.eevans
In response to Michee

Thank you ladies soo much! It really has made me feel a little better knowing I'm not alone. I am such a sap when it comes to this topic though. And men really don't understand.

I love the comment...
  • Quote:
I hate when people say this - it literally makes me angry - like they never consider that their children might grow up to be asexual or infertile or otherwise choose not to marry or have kids of their own.



This could not be more true! I don't see it changing his mind but it is a good bit of information! I don't want to be pushy with him. This is something that is supposed to be positive and agreed upon. But it just isn't. Which is why I have decided to accept it. I just wish I knew how. The funny thing is, is that I have always been so strong about things. I can let things not get to me and control me but for some reason this just hurts my heart. );


 
Luvmyfam
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In response to sarah.eevans

After having 2 kids, I had some medical complications and had to let go of ever having a 3rd. It broke my heart, although DH was thrilled. I scheduled a tubaligation, but first had to undergo a procedure. I didn't want my heart broken or to lose a baby, so we doubled up on the birth control. To get through it, I concentrated on the happiness that my 2 kids brought me. Without a baby around, we were free to do all sorts of fun family stuff. That got me through that dark period. And.......despite doubling up on birth control, I got pregant with #3. Wow.......was that a shock! I then had to reverse position and psyche myself up for another baby. So....my point it....to get through this, concentrate on what you have, not on what you don't have.


 
Scrappin Kitty
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In response to Luvmyfam

I understand where you're coming from, except mine is switched and we wanted a boy since we have two girls already. Unfortunatly after two miscarriages (one of which being twins) I had to have an emergancy hysterectomy at 22. I'm now 32 and would absolutly love to have another one since both of my girls are in their teens, but it's not in the cards. Don't really know what to say to help with the hubby, but wanted you to know that you're not alone in having that wish, and that it does sometimes help just to talk to others that are dealing with the same type of issue.


 
Sonsie
Sonsie 
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Sonsie
In response to Scrappin Kitty

After years of trying we finally had 2 kids through IVF, a boy and a girl 15 months apart. I want another child so bad that every time I see a baby I melt. The idea of going through IVF again chills me to the bone, it wasn't fun and was fraught with worry and emotion. That said I would try again in a heartbeat if hubby would go along with it. He thinks we got lucky with 2 healthy kids and he is right, we did. However I would sell my soul for another baby...

on edit: BTW I wanted another boy and was initially bummed when I found out #2 was a girl. Now I wouldn't change it for the world. I was afraid of having a girl since "I" was such a terror growing up. My daughter is such a funny lighthearted kid though she has us all around her little finger. If I did manage to magically conceive on my own in the future I wouldn't care what sex it was, there is equal joy in both.


Edited by Sonsie on 01-12-12 09:50 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
Sonsie
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In response to Sonsie

You know, it's not "nice" but you can always arrange a "mistake". My brother's wife had 3 before she got her boy! lol And now they have a big noisy happy family (4 girls and 1 boy) and he is a great dad.


 
Tivi
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  • Tivi on 01-13-12 06:38 AM
In response to Sonsie

  • Sonsie Said:
You know, it's not "nice" but you can always arrange a "mistake". My brother's wife had 3 before she got her boy! lol And now they have a big noisy happy family (4 girls and 1 boy) and he is a great dad.



Am I the only one that is absolutely HORRIFED at this comment?


 
amandahugandkiss
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amandahugandkiss
In response to Tivi

Nope. I'm horrified as well.

OP: You could have another 10 kids and still not get your girl. Or you could get a girl who hates pink, dolls, and anything girly. Why don't you be a "Big Sister" through the Boys and Girls club. You would be helping a girl in need and you could do girly stuff. Or you could volunteer with the local Brownie troop.


 
sarah.eevans
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sarah.eevans
In response to amandahugandkiss

It truly is comforting to hear others have gone/going through the same feelings. I will always long for another child. I have though about going to volunteer at girl things and I might but I'm just afraid it will keep those feelings stronger. I think I am going to start doing more with my boys instead of them doing all their sports and everything with Dad. I need to enjoy what I've got and stop thinking about something that isn't going to happen right now.
I would never "mistake" a pregnancy. My husband and I have so much trust with each other and I wouldn't force something on him he really does not want. Its just not something I could be comfortable with.


 
ScrappyMama6
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In response to sarah.eevans

  • sarah.eevans Said:
It truly is comforting to hear others have gone/going through the same feelings. I will always long for another child. I have though about going to volunteer at girl things and I might but I'm just afraid it will keep those feelings stronger. I think I am going to start doing more with my boys instead of them doing all their sports and everything with Dad. I need to enjoy what I've got and stop thinking about something that isn't going to happen right now.
I would never "mistake" a pregnancy. My husband and I have so much trust with each other and I wouldn't force something on him he really does not want. Its just not something I could be comfortable with.







Im so glad to hear you say this, its nothing but the highest betrayal to force another pregnancy on someone (meaning both ways here). You couldnt possibly expect respect and trust again if that were ever found out. Not to mention being able to live with YOURSELF after doing this. Thank you for having morals and values and respect for yourself and DH.

Poking holes in the condoms to try to get pregnant again to save the failing marriage, was yet another reason BF and his EX, are divorced.


 
ScrappyMama6
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In response to sarah.eevans

  • sarah.eevans Said:
It truly is comforting to hear others have gone/going through the same feelings. I will always long for another child. I have though about going to volunteer at girl things and I might but I'm just afraid it will keep those feelings stronger. I think I am going to start doing more with my boys instead of them doing all their sports and everything with Dad. I need to enjoy what I've got and stop thinking about something that isn't going to happen right now.
I would never "mistake" a pregnancy. My husband and I have so much trust with each other and I wouldn't force something on him he really does not want. Its just not something I could be comfortable with.





THIS!!! Embrace the dirt, and football, soccer, go carts and cowboy boots....love every minute of it! Its amazing to be a Mom to boys, they are bundles of energy and noise covered in dirt!


 
950nancy
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In response to ScrappyMama6

I was so disappointed that I didn't get a girl. We have two boys. My second son is my "girl.". He laughs when I say that now. He loves to talk and go out to eat and in general hang out. He also loves all things boy, too. I do not miss the drama my friends have with their girls. I have so little with two boys. I still want a girl and I am hoping my boys have girls someday. You will eventually get what you want or be at peace with what you have. Find something for yourself that fills that void. Hubby might see things differently if you actively pursue activities with girls such as the Girls' Club. Best of luck either way!


 
Sonsie
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In response to Tivi

  • Tivi Said:
  • Sonsie Said:
You know, it's not "nice" but you can always arrange a "mistake". My brother's wife had 3 before she got her boy! lol And now they have a big noisy happy family (4 girls and 1 boy) and he is a great dad.



Am I the only one that is absolutely HORRIFED at this comment?



Good heavens ladies, don't get your panties in a wad. It was a lighthearted comment not a recommendation.


 
angie girl
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angie girl
In response to Sonsie

How is "you can always..." supposed to NOT be taken as a suggestion?


 
Sonsie
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In response to angie girl

  • angie girl Said:
How is "you can always..." supposed to NOT be taken as a suggestion?



One would assume she, at least, has enough active brain cells to realize it wasn't a serious suggestion. I was just relaying a family story. Which is true, and one that we all laugh about often. My sweet brother laughs along too and adores his large brood of adorable red heads. His young son is his best hunting and fishing buddy.


 
Seaexplore
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In response to Sonsie

There are lots of people who think that accidentally getting pregnant is a good idea. Not sure why. Personally, Ithink it's a horrible idea because both people aren't on board.

Some women want a baby so badly they'll go to any lenghts to have one thinking that once they're pregnant daddy will be excited too. Most of the time daddy is NOT excited because it means another mouth to feed in an already struggling family.


 
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