But who knows or suspects that their husband/partner is unfaithful?

No, I don't, but I'm sorry if that's what you're going through.

I don't suspect mine is unfaithful, but I imagine if I did I would confront him about it. I have a friend that chases her DH around like a lost puppy dog thinking he is constantly being unfaithful & I just couldn't imagine living a life like that. If you think your DH/SO is being unfaithful maybe just confront him and get it off of your chest? Are there particular instances that have made you feel that way? I've always went with the follow your gut instinct.

I suspected it...I found out I was right. Go with your gut.

I know some women are just insecure and jealous and constantly accuse their men which can push them to be unfaithful.

But you have to ask yourself why you feel that way. Is it that you'be been growing arpart over time or is it a behavioral change on his part?

Sometimes you just need to ask him

Hugs -- go with your gut it's usually right.

If there was any question, then I'd question why I was in the relationship, but that's me.

I guess you think you know what you would do until it happens to you. My friend had this happen to her, and she said she always talked big until she realized how much it would affect her 2 kids. That being said, do your research. Make sure you are correct. If you are, make sure that finances are on the up and up and get legal help. You have to protect yourself because he isn't going to. Also make sure you are protected sexually. I do hope you are wrong, but take it slow and make the best choices for you.

I reread your post. You weren't asking for advice. I'll bet you get a fair amount of PM's. I hope everything works out for you.

• 950nancy Said:

I second everything she said, including saying you know what you would do until it happens to you. If you think your husband is cheating, I'd urge you to protect yourself before confronting him. I don't know many men who would admit it. I think I'd be inclined to make sure I had all of my financial ducks in a row before confronting him. I'm sorry if you are going through that.

To answer your question..."who knows or thinks their husband is unfaithful?" my answer is: Not me

• theboydbunch Said:

leave it to a teacher to answer the actual question.

To answer your actual question, not me.

If you are in this situation, then my heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. But like everyone says, be very sure.

When my first husband and I were married I was young and since he was a morning drive radio announcer and very popular (we couldn't even have a listed phone number becuase crazed female fans would get it).

I suspected him with a woman he worked with. They were seen together at the mall. Fortunately I didn't say anything to him and I'm so glad I didn't.

A few day later he gave me the most beautiful bracelet for my birthday and when I was going on and on about how much I loved it he told me, "You have to tell Toni too. She went to the mall and helped me pick it out because I don't know how to pick thing like this for you. I was afraid I'd really mess up."

When I got over my jealousy I learned to like her a lot and realized how foolish I had been. I even had a wedding shower for her when she got married!

So be very sure. The gut is usually right, but sometimes our gut plays tricks on us. Then we build things up in our mind until we created a monster that doesn't exist.

If you are going through this and you are be very certain, only you know your husband well enough to know how to handle it.

Like some of the others have said, you will know by the way he acts towards you. If he is more distant or quick to argue and fight or just not acting right. Guilty people act suspicios. I would watch his behavior.

I hope you aren't going through this kind of heartache yourself, but if you are, think things through before you act.

the following is my own personal opinion…
I think that A LOT of men after several years in the same relationship start to drift to thoughts of other women, conversations with other women, and interactions with other women. It may start out innocently enough but can lead to unacceptable behaviors & actions and disrespecting their partner.
It may stem from boredom, wanting a little attention, feeling sorry for themselves, wanting to recapture their youth and so on. BUT and this is a big BUT will they cross the line and break their marriage vows? And exactly where is that line? The sad thing I am coming to realize is that a lot of men do cross that line and never look back.

If you want the laundry list of what to look for let me know and I will PM it to you.

Thank you, everyone, for your response.

I've heard a lot of times that people think that they are the only ones going through something, and it turns out that there are a LOT of people going through something. Testing that theory, I put this out there...and well, I guess I AM the only one going through this. *half-hearted smile*

Thank you for those of you who extended advice and empathy beyond the basic question. I more than suspect...let's just say my husband is not exactly smart when it comes to hiding things. And the funny thing about it is that I never EXPECTED him too; I simply suspected all along that fidelity would not be easy for him.

I've read all sorts of things about how men are somehow capable of giving all their emotional love to one person (say, their spouses) and yet sleep with other women. Maybe that's the case here. But am I totally messed up for thinking that's a sucky deal for the women the husbands are cheating with? Yes, I know women should show solidarity towards eachother, but it's the men, the HUSBANDS who made the vows of fidelity, not the unknown women who have never met me. They owe me nothing, no faith. It's the "other women" who are getting a raw deal, too.

I'm not doing anything, not yet. I don't want to be made a fool of, I don't want diseases, and I don't want to be screwed financially.

Does any of this make sense?

Confronting does no good, he'll just lie and try to make you feel like you're going crazy.

Henri as sweet as your story was I'd still be leery. My aunt has a married bf and she buys valentine, birthday and anniversary cards for his wife so he doesn't have to go to the store. She thinks it's funny. I love my aunt dearly but this makes me ill.

• astrangevictory Said:

Not at all........I'd bet that there are hundreds of women on here going through this or who have been through it. Here on this thread there's at least 4 mentioned BUT people don't necesarily want to talk about it on a public forum. It doesn't mean you're alone in this situation by any stretch.

What you said does make sense. Only you can decide what, if anything, you want to do about it though. If you're sure of what he's doing then you need to decide whether that's the end of the marriage in YOUR eyes (regardless of what anyone else says) or whether you could possibly work through it with outside help.

A million other people could tell you what they did or didn't do but everyone and every marriage is different.

If you decide it's broken irretrievably then you need to think of yourself first, get your ducks in a row then decide how and when to tell him.

Do you have someone IRL you can talk to about all this? I hope so

• astrangevictory Said:

Im so sorry......even if we're just "in the computer" friends, we're here to talk any time.

I agree with Carolyn, once you decie whats best for YOU, get your financial things in a row, and make you move, whatever that may be.

Good luck!! I hope you find strength and confidence to follow your heart and do what is best for you!!! HUGS!

I know you aren't the only one...heavens I went through it ...and through it.

And the best thing I can say is...take care of you, whatever that means to you personally.

And know that as painful as it is it does get better.

Good point made by op that not everyone wants to share in a public forum...

I've been there so I know.

My first marriage was awesome at first. In fact we were married only 2 or 3 months when he and his friend at work helped him pick out the piece of jewelry for me. And I believe him - when I told him I loved it - he told me his friend from work had helped pick it out. He had no idea that our neighbor had spotted them and told me.

When I asked my neighbor again later she said that it was most likely the truth - he did seem to be asking for advice. And, I had told him so many times what pretty clothes and jewelry this other woman always wore so I don't doubt that he asked her to go to the store with them on thier lunch break.

When we had been married about 6 years, when our first baby was born I noticed that he was distracted, worked late all the time, was evasive and not warm and fuzzy. Then I found a cocktail napkin in his wallet which had written on it, "I love you" one night after he "worked late".

When we separated 2 years later I told him, "I'm being reasonable and calm here but I would really like the truth - how long and how many?"

He said there had been 3 while we were married, all within the last 2 years. So I pegged exactly when he changed. Hearing that calmly from him with no emotion made it much easier for me to leave.

I think a lot of us have been there and it isn't easy.

The worst part, or for me, is that I'm married to a wonderful man now who I believe to be completely faithful, I have no reason to suspect otherwise - but because of the scars left by my first husband I tend to be suspicious now by nature.

When Bill's cell phone rings I tense up and don't relax until I can discern who he is talking to. My son goes everywhere with him (they are headed for McDonald's together now for lunch) and I like that Joe is with him so much. Silly, I know and very unfair to Bill because he doesn't deserve this. It's not that I don't trust him, its just that my antenna is always up and I don't like being like that.

This is a man who puts pages of my old love letters under my pillow at night for me to find and writes "I Love You" on the underside of my dinner napkins for me to find. The one who will not take jobs if he has to be gone overnight because he doesn't want to be separated from me.

When I was in the hospital for 5 nights in January and he took a suitcase and instead of sleeping on the cot they had for him, he slept in my tiny hospital bed with me the entire time. When the nurses came in during the night to draw blood they always laughed and asked which of us was the patient and he would take my hand and raise it. He never left my hospital bed except once to run errands in one afternoon and he took my son with him.

But even still, the hurt ran so deep from my first marriage that I look arond ever corner and I shouldn't.

It just changed me because I was so accepting and trusting and that was destroyed and I've never been able to get that back completely.

Good luck to you, however you decide to handle it. All men are not like that.

And you are not alone, I'm not going through it now, but I definitely have.

Yes, my first husband cheated on me... I suspected it, and he made me feel guilty for suspecting him. It finally got thrown in my face, and I still let him get away with it. It wasn't till it started affecting my young son that I put a stop to our marriage.

I think a LOT of people go thru this.... but I also think we learn from it, and when we are on our 2nd or even 3rd hubbies, we are in a place where we are NOT going thru it.
So you definitely are not going thru this alone.... but now it's up to you whether you want to go thru this again. There really are good and decent men out there.