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Username Post: How do you tell your mom to take a hike?        (Topic#1574009)
Kit Scrapo
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Kit Scrapo

Really quick...

My husband's parents are in town from Enland to visit us and the kids and will only be here for 2 days. My mom keeps asking when she can come over to visit them.

Why does she need to visit with my husband's parents? They will only be here two days and they don't come very often, maybe once a year if we are lucky. Plus, whenever they are in town and my mom comes over she never seems to leave and then just sits there and talks about herself. Embarassing stuff too, like her colonoscopy and how her skin just seems to hang since she's lost so much weight, UGH!

They won't be here for very long and we want some good quality time with the kids and their grandparents. My husband's parents dont even really care for my mom. But my mom is so oblivious and into herself she doesn't even notice.

Plus!!!!! If she isn't sitting there talking about herself, she is bad mouthing my husband... TO HIS PARENTS!!! Telling them how he is too rough on the kids and is lazy and impatient. I think I have always been too nice to her and I don't often just tell her how I feel, so when I do she says I am being mean or moody or I'll get over it.

What do I need to tell her to get her to understand that I don't want her to come over and "visit" with my inlaws... without feeling bad about it and being mean. She'll be offended either way, but I just want to know that I did the right thing.


 
Mother Goose
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Mother Goose
In response to Kit Scrapo

To save having her get mad at you, why don't you invite her to lunch, just at the end of their visit, do this at a restaurant, so that the time is short and manageable. Have her take some photos of the rest of the bunch, tend the kids needs (potty and so forth. Less focused on her, but not so excluding her. Remember, you have to put up with her more often the the in-laws.


 
Henri Jean
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Henri Jean
In response to Mother Goose

I agree with you Kay - a meal out sounds like a good solution.


 
Kit Scrapo
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Kit Scrapo
In response to Henri Jean

i love it, thank you


 
Kit Scrapo
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Kit Scrapo
In response to Kit Scrapo

ok, so like the rude person she is, she invited herself over, practically barged through the door wit no notice and is now telling my mother in law all about her colonoscopy, yay! whatever, i am making the best of it.


 
SmartyPants
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SmartyPants
In response to Kit Scrapo

perhaps next time they do come for a visit - don't tell your Mom!!!


 
Tina scraps
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Tina scraps
In response to SmartyPants

  • SmartyPants Said:
perhaps next time they do come for a visit - don't tell your Mom!!!



I'm with you on this one! colonoscopy? really? EWW


 
Tina scraps
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Tina scraps
In response to Tina scraps

maybe next time you could tell her they'd really like to spend some quality time with the grandkids and don't have time to do a lot of visiting?


Edited by Tina scraps on 04-22-12 03:23 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
siameseplease
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siameseplease
In response to Tina scraps

Well, before she barged in a made it a moot point (oh, boy, do I feel badly for you about that!!!), I might have told her that they had a very short visit this time and that it was pretty scheduled/booked with activities.

My inlaws are like your mom in that they often want to visit with my mother. We all live in MD now, and every time I see my inlaws, they ask me how my mom is doing, what she's up to, etc. My mom is not a social person. She is extremely introverted and very uncomfortable with people and new situations. My FIL, bless him, has no boundaries. He asks very invasive questions and has no concept that these are wrong and inappropriate. My mom doesn't care much for my inlaws. She says that they are nice enough people, but she can only take them for a few minutes at a time because their personalities are so different. I find myself making excuses for her constantly and after almost 18 years, they have finally stopped inviting her to everything.

Not trying to hijack your thread, just telling you that I've been there and can understand the frustration. It has to be even worse when you don't get to see your inlaws often and your mom horns in. I hope she doesn't hang out for too long!


 
Kit Scrapo
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Kit Scrapo
In response to siameseplease

well, it was over fairly quickly... gotta love my inlaws though, they were really good at keeping things on topic (the grandkids) and switching gears when my mom would start getting descriptive. lol!


 
Just G
Just G 
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Just G
In response to Mother Goose

  • Mother Goose Said:
To save having her get mad at you, why don't you invite her to lunch, just at the end of their visit, do this at a restaurant, so that the time is short and manageable. Have her take some photos of the rest of the bunch, tend the kids needs (potty and so forth. Less focused on her, but not so excluding her. Remember, you have to put up with her more often the the in-laws.


Perfect solution


 
Just G
Just G 
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Just G
In response to Just G

glad it all worked out


 
SmartyPants
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SmartyPants
In response to Just G

very glad that it went okay!!!


 
Mother Goose
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Mother Goose
In response to SmartyPants

Well, its over with and no hurt feelings. Gotta love her.


 
siameseplease
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siameseplease
In response to Mother Goose

I'm glad it all worked out!


 
t-scraps
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t-scraps
In response to siameseplease

Hmmmm.... I could never tell the woman who birthed me, loved me and raised me to take a hike (literally or figuratively). Be kind, she won't always be around and you will miss her one day when she's gone.

Everyone has their irritating ways and be careful.... most of us turn into our mothers as we get older.


 
pugs223
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pugs223
In response to t-scraps

Glad it all worked out and be happy that you only have to deal with it once a year maybe.

I have two sisters-in-law that just do not get along. We all live within 20 mile radius and get together for all holidays and other festivities. It's not that they outright fight, it's just A is very critical of B, and B tries too hard.

Oh, and I have a MIL who talks about totally inappropriate stuff at the wrong times, I feel your pain.


 
Kit Scrapo
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Kit Scrapo
In response to pugs223

lol, you know... i wouldn't have a problem with it if she was really old and crazy, like my grandma was... but she's not. She's young enough to not be crazy yet. And I would never say... take a hike to her... thats why i was trying to find a nice way to avoid the pain, not so much for me... but for my inlaws. I deal with her all the time, I love her and spend time with her. I just wanted to give my inlaws some good time with their grandkids without my mom trying to steal the spotlight and take all the attention away... which she did, just very briefly... thank god.

I LOVE MY CRAZY MOTHER!!!! Please don't think I am an @ss hole.


 
kelseymel
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kelseymel
In response to Kit Scrapo

We don't. We (well, most of us) completely get where you're coming from. I'm glad it worked out painlessly.


 
NMlady
NMlady 
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NMlady
In response to kelseymel

I totally get it!


 
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