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Username Post: Discouraged.        (Topic#1580207)
Doreena
Governor
Posts: 17172
Joined: 11-20-05
Doreena
In response to moxiegirl23

  • moxiegirl23 Said:
  • scrappercaz Said:


for being shown another way of viewing a subject....and that can get heated sometimes naturally.





I think we all need to remember that strong reactions don't always happen because someone is mean or looking to pick a fight. It's too easy to just call someone who has a strong reaction a troll or meanspirited around here because we're all just data in a computer somewhere. We're isolated from each other because this is a global site and we interact via the written word by computer. We think we know each other because we post in the same sub forums or the same threads, we don't really, not most of us anyway, because there's stuff we don't share here because it's not for public knowledge. Sometimes what seems like an attack is just traumatic pain that has been triggered by something that has been posted here.

I personally really don't find joking about hiding things from your spouse funny because I had a spouse hide things from me and it had horrible results on our marriage. It's a trigger point for me. There's been one or two times when I was really bothered by the hiding joke because a) someone didn't use emoticons which do help convey tone around here and b) despite explanations from several people, no one seemed to understand how it feels because they had no frame of reference for how the situation feels.




I don't hide things from my hubby either. The joke was that I was going to hide my purchase from my hubby... which I never and would never do, amongst other things. However, as I said, regardless of what my intent was it was all in jest and that's why I said LOL as in: everything I said prior to this "LOL" is all a joke.


 
moxiegirl23
Queen
Posts: 39426
Joined: 10-18-06
moxiegirl23
In response to Doreena

Doreen, I understand your intent, I saw the lol and because I knew you were joking but I didn't find it funny, I didn't stop to post. My point is that we get so worked up about being wrongly judged that we end up wrongly judging others in defense.


 
Cindyckj
Pro
Posts: 1727
Joined: 06-29-10
Cindyckj
In response to Doreena

I knew it was a joke and know you'd have had no way to know that people don't always think that's a joke.

When I had a hubby he hid his girlfriend from me so I spent and didn't tell. I have and awsome stash!

So from my past experience I see how you meant it as a joke but know the other side all to well as well.

My first instinct was it was a joke


 
MrsD2008
Veteran
Posts: 286
Joined: 08-28-11
MrsD2008
In response to Cindyckj

  • Cindyckj Said:
We just need to remember that we all have different opinions and to no become snippy when we don't agree with opinions that aren't like ours.

That's very hard to do. But hopefully we all learn from it.

People don't realize that when they are mean they lose all credibility and anything good they may have had to say gets lost. Then they look bad and so does this place.

Wish I wasn't guilty of this but i'm human and do try my best to be nice.



As I was reading this thread, I was like, hmmmmm...do I comment because I'm not sure if I should. I may be guilty! What comes to mind is the recent pinterest post where CommaHolly and I had a good discussion. It might have looked bad to others, but I wasn't offended in the least and I would hope she wasn't either.

I also think it is easy for a group of women (sorry to the men on this forum) to get snarky with each other. I see it happen whenever a group of women are bunched together, it's a phenomenon!

Like others have said, tone of voice and facial expressions and body language cannot be read.

I also think that sometimes there is an aspect of internet bullying in some places. I am NOT accusing anyone, but I have seen on forums where people say something that I'm not sure they would say out loud to someone face to face. If you can't say it to your grandmother/mother, don't say it to anyone, right? That's what my mother taught me!


 
mrsdriver5
Diva
Posts: 5361
Joined: 07-31-10
mrsdriver5
In response to Cindyckj

Liz & Cindyckj~

And that's what too often people don't do...walk away and let it go. There is no way we can say things that probably won't bring up "bad vibes" (OK...I'm dating myself :>) ) for someone, but that doesn't mean we have to always respond. As you said, it hit a bad spot for you, but you chose to not turn it into a battle. There have been a few threads lately that seemed like people were just trying to begin—or reignite—a fight. I reply to a lot of posts, but some...I know I need to just walk away. It's not worth the bad feelings...for others or for myself. If even lurking brings out my bad mood, I know to just leave the thread alone.~Judy


Edited by mrsdriver5 on 08-30-12 01:32 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
Bxr-Linda
Mayor
Posts: 14606
Joined: 05-12-03
Bxr-Linda
In response to Doreena

  • Doreena Said:

However, as I said, regardless of what my intent was it was all in jest and that's why I said LOL as in: everything I said prior to this "LOL" is all a joke.




Oh! I get it now!

Like, if I say "with all due respect" beforehand, it's okay?

"With all due respect, you DO look fat in polka dots." That's okay?





 
pugs223
Idol
Posts: 3952
Joined: 06-24-10
pugs223
In response to Bxr-Linda

"Don't take this the wrong way...." may have a better success rate.


 
Bxr-Linda
Mayor
Posts: 14606
Joined: 05-12-03
Bxr-Linda
In response to pugs223

  • pugs223 Said:
"Don't take this the wrong way...." may have a better success rate.




ANOTHER awesome piece of advice right there! I love this place. Everyone is so helpful!


 
Cindyckj
Pro
Posts: 1727
Joined: 06-29-10
Cindyckj
In response to MrsD2008

  • MrsD2008 Said:
  • Cindyckj Said:
We just need to remember that we all have different opinions and to no become snippy when we don't agree with opinions that aren't like ours.

That's very hard to do. But hopefully we all learn from it.

People don't realize that when they are mean they lose all credibility and anything good they may have had to say gets lost. Then they look bad and so does this place.

Wish I wasn't guilty of this but i'm human and do try my best to be nice.



As I was reading this thread, I was like, hmmmmm...do I comment because I'm not sure if I should. I may be guilty! What comes to mind is the recent pinterest post where CommaHolly and I had a good discussion. It might have looked bad to others, but I wasn't offended in the least and I would hope she wasn't either.

I also think it is easy for a group of women (sorry to the men on this forum) to get snarky with each other. I see it happen whenever a group of women are bunched together, it's a phenomenon!

Like others have said, tone of voice and facial expressions and body language cannot be read.

I also think that sometimes there is an aspect of internet bullying in some places. I am NOT accusing anyone, but I have seen on forums where people say something that I'm not sure they would say out loud to someone face to face. If you can't say it to your grandmother/mother, don't say it to anyone, right? That's what my mother taught me!




This is the perfect instance that leaves me wondering. Was I snippy on that post with my suggestions? I wasn't trying too and hope nobody took it that way.

Sometimes no matter how you say something or what precautions you take to let people know you don't mean anything bad or that it was a joke it can be taken anyway a reader wants.


 
pugs223
Idol
Posts: 3952
Joined: 06-24-10
pugs223
In response to Bxr-Linda

You're welcome!


 
Bxr-Linda
Mayor
Posts: 14606
Joined: 05-12-03
Bxr-Linda
In response to pugs223

  • pugs223 Said:
You're welcome!




Now, what's your favorite adhesive? And how do you store your patterned paper?




 
pugs223
Idol
Posts: 3952
Joined: 06-24-10
pugs223
In response to Bxr-Linda

  • Bxr-Linda Said:
  • pugs223 Said:
You're welcome!




Now, what's your favorite adhesive? And how do you store your patterned paper?






There's a "how to search the forum" topic somewhere in the archives. I bet if you figured out how to use the "search" feature, you'd find about 100 threads on each of those topics. I don't have time to find the threads for you and those topics have been discussed many, many times.


 
moxiegirl23
Queen
Posts: 39426
Joined: 10-18-06
moxiegirl23
In response to pugs223

  • pugs223 Said:
  • Bxr-Linda Said:
  • pugs223 Said:
You're welcome!




Now, what's your favorite adhesive? And how do you store your patterned paper?






There's a "how to search the forum" topic somewhere in the archives. I bet if you figured out how to use the "search" feature, you'd find about 100 threads on each of those topics. I don't have time to find the threads for you and those topics have been discussed many, many times.



Oh Peg... just refer her to Doctor Google!


 
Bxr-Linda
Mayor
Posts: 14606
Joined: 05-12-03
Bxr-Linda
In response to pugs223

  • pugs223 Said:
  • Bxr-Linda Said:
  • pugs223 Said:
You're welcome!




Now, what's your favorite adhesive? And how do you store your patterned paper?






There's a "how to search the forum" topic somewhere in the archives. I bet if you figured out how to use the "search" feature, you'd find about 100 threads on each of those topics. I don't have time to find the threads for you and those topics have been discussed many, many times.






Although, I do appreciate your prompt response.


 
Bxr-Linda
Mayor
Posts: 14606
Joined: 05-12-03
Bxr-Linda
In response to moxiegirl23

  • moxiegirl23 Said:
  • pugs223 Said:
  • Bxr-Linda Said:
  • pugs223 Said:
You're welcome!




Now, what's your favorite adhesive? And how do you store your patterned paper?






There's a "how to search the forum" topic somewhere in the archives. I bet if you figured out how to use the "search" feature, you'd find about 100 threads on each of those topics. I don't have time to find the threads for you and those topics have been discussed many, many times.



Oh Peg... just refer her to Doctor Google!





Oooh ooooohh... I think I've heard of that guy. Is he the chiropractor who recommends weight loss programs???





 
stick
stick 
Mayor
Posts: 13006
Joined: 05-01-09
stick
  • stick on 08-30-12 01:47 PM
In response to Bxr-Linda

LMGTFY

And btw, plaid with neon polka dots on top would rock my world, I wish I had a skirt like that. Shut up, yes I'm being serious


 
Bxr-Linda
Mayor
Posts: 14606
Joined: 05-12-03
Bxr-Linda
In response to stick

  • stick Said:
LMGTFY

And btw, plaid with neon polka dots on top would rock my world, I wish I had a skirt like that. Shut up, yes I'm being serious




I totally agree. I think that would be awesome.
But, I think it's a bit rude to tell me to shut up.






 
moxiegirl23
Queen
Posts: 39426
Joined: 10-18-06
moxiegirl23
In response to Bxr-Linda

I'm not a huge neon fan... jewel tones on the other hand...


 
stick
stick 
Mayor
Posts: 13006
Joined: 05-01-09
stick
  • stick on 08-30-12 01:54 PM
In response to moxiegirl23

Haha, OOPS, emotional outburst I've been saying "shut up" a lot lately ... mostly to my husband who keeps laughing at me when I'm trying to hold something at the right distance in order to read it. (I do have an eye appointment soon, until then I have no choice.)

I think of jewel tones as deep neon. lol, guess who grew up during the 80's?


 
Lunareclipse
Veteran
Posts: 664
Joined: 08-20-12
Lunareclipse
In response to Bxr-Linda

  • Bxr-Linda Said:
  • pugs223 Said:
You're welcome!




Now, what's your favorite adhesive? And how do you store your patterned paper?





Dog slobber. It isn't my favorite adhesive, but it's the most abundant...


 
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