Username Post: How do I get over this...        (Topic#1580625)
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic

My baby is 8 months old and I'm having a problem leaving him alone. I feel so guilty if I leave him alone for any amount of time. I feel like I need to be cuddling, playing, reading, teaching him, etc. I've been using his nap time to squeeze in everything I need to do...cleaning, scrapping, sleeping, etc. Even worse...I've been holding him as he sleeps lately because now that he's mobile, it's my only time I get to snuggle with him. I know that he needs time to play by himself just as much as he needs my attention and I also know that I need my alone time but it's so hard for me. I can't be the only one that has trouble with this...


 
kelseymel
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kelseymel
In response to Scrapsaholic

Forgive me for not understanding, but what do you mean by "alone"?

An 8 month old baby should never be left alone, IMO.

Snuggle him, play with him, read to him, and don't feel guilty.

You can clean your house when he starts school.


 
CommaHolly
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CommaHolly
In response to kelseymel

if by "alone" you mean playing in a bouncer seat next to you,,,,,,or in a play pen while you scrap six feet from him, I agree,,,,you do need to put him down every now and again He needs to learn how to entertain himself,,,,,keep in mind though, that his attention span at this age is SHORT

I'd think of it like this,,,,,you're teaching him how to be just a teensy bit independent,,,,,,this will go on his whole life,,,giving him tiny bits of independence so he learns how to entertain himself and put himself to sleep! He's still WITH you,,,,you can and should still interact with him,,,,,,talk to him,,,sing to him,,,have conversations with him,,give him toys to play with and encourage him to learn and grow and develop problem solving skills,,,,,,

I bet he's so cute now!!!


 
Lamoo12
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Lamoo12
In response to CommaHolly

When my first son was that age, i used to donate certain amount of time to playing directly with him. then other hours were for cleaning, which he could help/supervise me doing. i'd give him a small brush to help 'sweep' the floors. then i would scrap during naptime.

as for holding him at night, that won't be good for either of you if he becomes dependent upon it.

have you looked into a local MOMS Club? That might help.


 
Manda_K
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Manda_K
In response to Lamoo12

It is important, ESPECIALLY at that age for babies to learn to self entertain and "get" that there won't always be someone right there to entertain them.

Even if for a few minutes a day, let him crawl, explore, play alone on a mat etc, it is good for both of you!



6-12 months are the best baby times imo, they are too cute and so much fun, so I totally get wanting to play with him every moment, it is hard to resist!

Don't worry about house cleaning and scrapping, sometimes those things hit that little burner that is behind the back burner!


 
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic
In response to kelseymel

  • kelseymel Said:
Forgive me for not understanding, but what do you mean by "alone"?

An 8 month old baby should never be left alone, IMO.

Snuggle him, play with him, read to him, and don't feel guilty.

You can clean your house when he starts school.



I certainly don't mean leaving him at home alone or anything...I'm not one of those crazy moms, lol! I mean leave him playing by himself while I go in the next room to fold laundry, do the dishes, scrapbook, etc. I never go farther than 10 feet from him. I feel guilty when I do walk away from him, even for 5 seconds.


 
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic
In response to Scrapsaholic

Thanks for the replies! I know that he needs to learn independence and he actually loves to sit and play with his toys without me in his face. Sometimes I just stand where he can't see me and I watch him play alone...it's so cute! He "talks" to his animals & toys! I have been very good at keeping up with his one-year calendar and his memory book but as far as scrapping, I haven't done anything. Not complaining about that at all because I enjoy my time with him more. But there are obviously things that need to be done like cleaning and I just feel guilty doing it while he's awake. I also have a very hard time leaving him with a sitter for any reason. Even his grandparents offer to watch him so I can have alone time and I can't do it, I miss him so much and I always think that he needs me.


 
kelseymel
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kelseymel
In response to Scrapsaholic

  • Scrapsaholic Said:
  • kelseymel Said:
Forgive me for not understanding, but what do you mean by "alone"?

An 8 month old baby should never be left alone, IMO.

Snuggle him, play with him, read to him, and don't feel guilty.

You can clean your house when he starts school.



I certainly don't mean leaving him at home alone or anything...I'm not one of those crazy moms, lol! I mean leave him playing by himself while I go in the next room to fold laundry, do the dishes, scrapbook, etc. I never go farther than 10 feet from him. I feel guilty when I do walk away from him, even for 5 seconds.



I figured that after I read a few more responses. At first I was like, "What the hell is wrong with her?!"



I held my babies WAAAYY more than anyone told me I was "supposed" to. Oops. They're fully functioning 9 and 11 year olds now, so I guess I didn't ruin them. Yet.


 
CommaHolly
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CommaHolly
In response to kelseymel

if you stand and watch him play independently, it sounds like you're doing fine

bring him into the kitchen with you so that you can do dishes or whatever while he plays in the high chair or whatever,,,,,,,give him a few toys (yes you'll pick them up 872 times) and talk to him,,,,

That way you'll have the time to try and scrap or do something for yourself (read, exercise, whatever) while he's napping,,,,you DO need time for yourself,,,,if the house is reasonably clean, I wouldn't worry about organizing the linen closet or anything just now Enjoy your baby and what little time he's sleeping, enjoy for you!


 
Lamoo12
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In response to Scrapsaholic

  • Scrapsaholic Said:
Thanks for the replies! I know that he needs to learn independence and he actually loves to sit and play with his toys without me in his face. Sometimes I just stand where he can't see me and I watch him play alone...it's so cute! He "talks" to his animals & toys! I have been very good at keeping up with his one-year calendar and his memory book but as far as scrapping, I haven't done anything. Not complaining about that at all because I enjoy my time with him more. But there are obviously things that need to be done like cleaning and I just feel guilty doing it while he's awake. I also have a very hard time leaving him with a sitter for any reason. Even his grandparents offer to watch him so I can have alone time and I can't do it, I miss him so much and I always think that he needs me.




i hope you are using a camcorder to capture him talking with his animals.

but you should let him stay with other people you trust once in a while. even if it's just to go grocery shopping. you both need to know you can be apart and it's ok. and he will probably be huggier once he misses you.



 
Trina_P
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Trina_P
In response to Lamoo12

The first thing I think of when I read this post was how refreshing it is to see a mother want to spend all the time she can with her baby. Too many mothers do not want to be bothered with their babies once they are here and they realize the responsibilities of motherhood. Yeeeeaah for you!

Soon enough you will having a toddler that will be having you pull your hair out and be begging to get out of the house.


 
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic
In response to Lamoo12

  • Lamoo12 Said:
  • Scrapsaholic Said:
Thanks for the replies! I know that he needs to learn independence and he actually loves to sit and play with his toys without me in his face. Sometimes I just stand where he can't see me and I watch him play alone...it's so cute! He "talks" to his animals & toys! I have been very good at keeping up with his one-year calendar and his memory book but as far as scrapping, I haven't done anything. Not complaining about that at all because I enjoy my time with him more. But there are obviously things that need to be done like cleaning and I just feel guilty doing it while he's awake. I also have a very hard time leaving him with a sitter for any reason. Even his grandparents offer to watch him so I can have alone time and I can't do it, I miss him so much and I always think that he needs me.




i hope you are using a camcorder to capture him talking with his animals.

but you should let him stay with other people you trust once in a while. even if it's just to go grocery shopping. you both need to know you can be apart and it's ok. and he will probably be huggier once he misses you.





Oh I have taken THOUSANDS of pics and hundreds of videos of him! LOL!

I've been with him almost every single second, 24 hrs a day for 8 months. I have left him with his grandparents a few times for a short time, like 4 hrs tops. And once he stayed with my sister for 3 hrs while I went out with my girlfriends. It's so hard for me because I think about him the whole time. He probably doesn't even notice I'm not there, lol!


 
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic
In response to Trina_P

  • Trina_P Said:
The first thing I think of when I read this post was how refreshing it is to see a mother want to spend all the time she can with her baby. Too many mothers do not want to be bothered with their babies once they are here and they realize the responsibilities of motherhood. Yeeeeaah for you!

Soon enough you will having a toddler that will be having you pull your hair out and be begging to get out of the house.



I personally know a few of those mothers that don't like to be with their kids and I just don't understand it. I can't get enough of mine! Then again, I have a VERY happy, easy going baby that is so pleasant to be with!! Of course I have my days when I feel like I'm losing my mind but I just walk away for a second to breathe and then I look at him and can't help but smile!


 
Luvmyfam
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Luvmyfam
In response to Scrapsaholic

I had one kid that I could not leave alone at all (medical stuff, etc.). I got very adept at giving him independence without taking my eye off of him. I would sit him near me in the high chair with toys, or on a blanket with toys, or a play pen with toys....you get the picture, lol! He loved following me around in his walker. It took a few months, but eventually I was thrilled if someone would watch him so that I could go to the grocery store by myself Of course, I spent the entire time missing him and thinking about him, but I knew it was good for both of us.


Edited by Luvmyfam on 09-13-12 08:16 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
Coastie Wife
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In response to Luvmyfam

Don't sweat it mama! Do what you feel is right in your heart. I have to work part time to pay for our fertility treatments, but on my days off my son (9 mos.) is on my hip or crawling around after me babbling up a storm. He is the happiest most independent little boy and I don't feel guilty at all that he never leaves my side for the most part. Even on my working days he is close by and I go see him at lunch and go to nurse him when I can. Honestly I wish he'd let me hold him when he slept some, but he wants to sleep in his crib and reaches for it when he wants to nap or go down at night. I used to take one nap a day with him when he was younger. I miss that cuddle time. They grow up WAY too fast and we only get to enjoy this time once, so I'm going to hold him as much as I want. He's still independent and loves to entertain himself, so I'm not worried about it at all. Love on that baby all you want :-)


 
Henri Jean
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Henri Jean
In response to Coastie Wife

The best rule of thumb is to follow your instincts. Be protective without being over-protective. Your instects are your best guide. Your child will learn from you, but you will learn just as much from your child.

Some children need holding more than others. Some need more time-outs or discipline.

Just provide a safe environment for them and be there when they need you but encourage them to be curious about the world and play and explore on their own too. You will find the right balance.


 
daschweder
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daschweder
In response to Henri Jean

Sounds like you are doing the right things. Just don't smother him where he doesn't have the opportunity to explore and conquer on his own. I was happy to have someone help me out on occassion. My baby had colic and was allergic to the formulas and I had a hard time trying to feed her myself. But she turned out to be a beautiful, caring and loving adult. So I must have done halfway alright in raising her. Best of luck to you and love him while you can.


 
Scrapsaholic
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Scrapsaholic
In response to daschweder

I think I'm very lucky, he's such a good baby. He can entertain himself so well and also is such a snuggle bug! He loves to crawl around and get into just about everything but at the same time, he loves to be under my feet, lol! My favorite is when he crawls over to me saying "mommmm"...makes me melt! So many people tell me that I need to leave him with other people more often so I have more "me" time, but honestly, I just don't feel like I need it. I'm sure one day I will but not right now. I do run errands occasionally alone or take a shower without him in the bathroom with me but that's about it, we are always together and I love it that way! He's already growing so fast, these 8 months have flown by. The last thing I want is to look back and say I wish I had spent more time with him, that would be horrible! I can honestly say that I am taking in every possible second and enjoying it!!


 
scraprabbit
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In response to Scrapsaholic

If you're enjoying it, and you're still letting him become independent and grow healthy, keep on doing it! I'm totally jealous. Mine turned 15 months today, and I can't stay home with him full-time. I have it down to 3 daycare days/week, but I'm still snuggling him to bits (when he lets me) when I'm home with him.


 
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