Username Post: is this normal? (bachelorette party question)        (Topic#1582089)
_pink_glitter_hearts_
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_pink_glitter_hearts_

hello everyone! i came home to find an invite to a friends bachelorette party, and as i looked at the invite i saw it was at a strip club and $75 a person to go. i can look past the location (not my ideal place since i'm just not that kind of gal...but i'll deal), but the cost shocked me. i am bummed since i was really looking forward to going (well, before i knew how much it was going to be that is.) in the past, i don't think i ever paid up front for a bachelorette party (unless i am the one throwing it)...is this normal? we've always just paid our own way as we went along. also, the cost seems pretty steep. the bride to be is a good friend of mine, but i can't help but ask myself...what is the party planner thinking?!? plus, the money is due in a week. like most people in this economy, i don't have $75 just laying around for random use..especially on a week i don't get paid. (i don't wan't to take it out of my emergency fund since this isn't an emergency after all.) has anyone paid that much up front to go to a friend's bachelorette party...and then be expected to pay more once there for one's own expenses? t.i.a


 
scraprabbit
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scraprabbit
In response to _pink_glitter_hearts_

I've NEVER been asked to chip in for a bachelorette party, unless I was throwing it.


 
950nancy
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950nancy
In response to scraprabbit

I think that this is becoming the new normal in some places. If it isn't to your liking, don't go. The more people put their foot down at this kind of thing, the more people might stop asking. I would try to do something else special with the bride at a later time if possible.


 
2xblessed
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2xblessed
In response to 950nancy

I can think of so many better ways to spend $75 than watching some guy take his clothes off in a room full of women who are probably going to be drunk before the night is over.
$75 is a lot of money for me! I would tell the bride to be that you would love to spend time with her and perhaps have dinner and a movie at another time.


 
Lamoo12
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Lamoo12
In response to 2xblessed

does the bride know about this? she might not want her friends to spend that kind of money either.


 
Tina scraps
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Tina scraps
In response to Lamoo12

I'm a little confused - you mean the $75 doesn't include the cost/expenses for you? Then what does it cover?

I haven't been to that many bachelorette things, but the few I've been too have been dinner/drinks and the girls (never more than 6 or 7 of us) paid our own costs and shared the bride's dinner/drinks.

A woman in one of my swaps recently had issues with a baby shower for a relative, that sounds similar to what you describe. The hostess asked people to bring packs of diapers and other things to "buy" into a raffle, and that was in addition to any gifts people were planning to bring. I think there were a few other issues too, I don't remember.


 
_pink_glitter_hearts_
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_pink_glitter_hearts_
In response to Tina scraps

ok, i feel a little better now! lol i thought i was being cheap, out of the norm loop, or something. the $75 is just to get in...no transportaion, no drinks, etc. i was expecting a girl's night out where we pay our own way and split the costs of the bride's food/drink tab (like mentioned above). i have spent that much at a bachelorette party...but i was throwing it for the bride! (that cost was for the crowns, sashes, car decorations, some drinks, parking, etc...) yeah, my jaw hit the floor at the cost for this upcoming bachelorette party...and it's going to be more since it's a long drive, costs of drinks, etc. i think i'll just talk to my friend and be honest that i would love to celebrate her last night being single, but can't come up with $75 on a non payday week..then offer to take her out to lunch or something some other time. thanks for everyone's input!


 
madmatter
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madmatter
In response to _pink_glitter_hearts_

no, it's not normal ...

and even if it was, it isn't right


 
Gelidy Gelato
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Gelidy Gelato
In response to madmatter

I have been reading this thread with lots of mixed thoughts.

First
Because these bachelorette parties have gotten SO expensive, I can see why people are trying split the costs. (Who doesn't want to attend a fancy party and not have to pay for it. In this case pay for the location.) I am sure a few of them got together and decided let's go for a bigger party and ask everyone to "pony up" some money. But I don't think it is fair to say someone should just foot the entire bill. (These things are usually a bunch of girls agreeing it's a good idea not one person trying to get out of paying.)

Second
It is so much better...that if you will be expected to pay something...you know what that amount is up front. Knowing the amount in advance, you can decide wheither to attend or not. BUT as more people drop out, and it gets more expensive, do not be surprised if they lay a guilt trip on you and there is more drama. BUT back to my point which is at least you have been presented with an $ amount and not blindsided the night of the party.

Third
I HATE these "everybody chips in & pays" type parties. I have gotten BURNED so more times. It REALLY puts a strain on the friendships.

Bottom line, if you don't have the money (or you don't want to spend it on this), don't go and don't feel guilty.


 
SmartyPants
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SmartyPants
In response to Gelidy Gelato

I would have to agree that it's not normal and a little strange to me. I could see if it was a really tight group of girls that agreed on this in the planning of the party.

If you are a good friend to the bride - I would tell her why you won't be able to celebrate, I'm sure she will understand. One way you could put it is something like this - For the cost of this shower - I would much rather put it towards a gift for you or towards your honeymoon.

I hope it all works out!! good luck


 
Trina_P
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Joined: 06-30-05
Trina_P
In response to SmartyPants

I would ask (possibly call the RSVP number if there is one) what the $75 everyone is bringing is going to be going toward. Then it would be a good time to explain yay or nay on what you can do and why.


 
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