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Username Post: Ex's in your books        (Topic#1585395)
Tenant
Posts: 89
Joined: 02-20-13

I am starting a scrapbook for my granddaughter who is now 9. My son ( her dad) is going through a very ugly divorce with her mother. I come across pictures where she is in the picture with my Granddaughter. I have been cropping her out of them all. Should I include her in this book or continue cropping her out if my photos? I know this is a matter of opinion but I would very much like some views if others.


 
chocolateaxel
Mayor
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Joined: 08-09-07
chocolateaxel
In response to Homemaid

My opinion, and that's all it is, just my opinion, I think you should leave her in at least some of them. Even though she and your son are involved in ugliness, she is still the mother of your granddaughter, and if you are making this book for her (versus about her) when she's older it may cause hard feelings that you cropped her mother out of everything. Of course, there are variables in every case, if the mother won't be in your granddaughter's life as she grows up, whatever the case may be, then definitely crop her out. But otherwise I say don't totally wipe her out. Remember these are your granddaughter's memories you are preserving.


 
scrapchica
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scrapchica
In response to chocolateaxel

I guess my thought is how was it at the time that you're scrapping? Like I scrapped a wedding that is now divorced because it was so important to us at the time. HTH


 
RedSquirrel UK
Diva
Posts: 7183
Joined: 05-09-09
RedSquirrel UK
In response to scrapchica

  • scrapchica Said:
I guess my thought is how was it at the time that you're scrapping? Like I scrapped a wedding that is now divorced because it was so important to us at the time. HTH


^^ That. If the memory was happy for her, then keep it the way it was. What a lovely thing to make for her!


 
Tenant
Posts: 89
Joined: 02-20-13
In response to RedSquirrel UK

Another thing is the pictures I do have with her in them she is always scowling, NEVER a smile. Yes she will be involved in her life but I never got any pictures from her ever. No school pictures, nothing. Any that I have I took while visiting. I am just so bitter with her with what she is doing right now. there never was a connection with her during the marriage, and the feeling were quite mutual.


 
aquabunny
Idol
Posts: 4033
Joined: 01-10-10
aquabunny
In response to Homemaid

It might be better to not work on those pages just now until you can get some distance from the situation. The negative feelings will come through in your work.


 
Tenant
Posts: 89
Joined: 02-20-13
In response to aquabunny

Thanks for your opinions. I will really try to incorporate a couple pictures of her if I can find any good ones. I did include her other children from a prior marriage.


 
NoirCat
Guru
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NoirCat
In response to Homemaid

I will tell you I have scrapped the photos that my now hubby had in a box of his Ex-life. He has two children who were relatively young when we go together. They are now adults. This was a part of his life and theirs. This made them who they are today. At the house where their mother lives, they have no pictures of their life as a family, but in my home they have this in a album that they have both looked at and enjoyed. Their father, my husband, can tell them stories about what happened in those days and they enjoy it.
I am also the product of a divorced family. My mother never cut my father out of the pictures, even though their divorce was very bad and across several states. She never kept him out of the albums I looked at as a child, because as an adult she knew I would ask questions and want to be able to at least see images of the person who was my father, even if he chose never to have anything to do with me. Heritage is important once we are grown, and it is hard to recover images of someone once they are purged from a life.


 
Diva
Posts: 5860
Joined: 09-06-07
In response to NoirCat

My suggestion is to keep her in some pictures. My other suggestion, may be is not the right time for you to work on this scrapbook. Take a few days to deal with your emotions. If is for your granddaughter, make sure her mother is in there at least in a few. Don't use this situation to seek revenge or get even. You want to be the nice person here ...for your granddaughter's emotional development. Just a thought!


 
tbross71
Veteran
Posts: 430
Joined: 09-21-11
tbross71
In response to Homemaid

Honestly it's up to you. But they are a part of her history so I don't know if it's always a good thing to delete them out let the child choose...


 
Vae
Vae 
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Vae
  • Vae on 02-25-13 10:31 AM
In response to NoirCat

  • NoirCat Said:
I am also the product of a divorced family. My mother never cut my father out of the pictures, even though their divorce was very bad and across several states. She never kept him out of the albums I looked at as a child, because as an adult she knew I would ask questions and want to be able to at least see images of the person who was my father, even if he chose never to have anything to do with me. Heritage is important once we are grown, and it is hard to recover images of someone once they are purged from a life.


This. I really appreciated that even though my parents divorced (multiple times each), they never cut anyone out of any pictures. I think it would be a wonderful thing for your GD to be able to see photos of both her parents. Even though mine were divorced, I still enjoyed looking at the photos of them together. Every kid wishes their parents were together and even though I understood that they weren't good together, I still really liked seeing the pictures of the time when they were.


 
aquabunny
Idol
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aquabunny
In response to Vae

Jarvae and NoirCat are saying some really important things here, and I think something else to bear in mind is that if this book were for you, it would be a different situation, but if this book is for your granddaughter then the book should be your granddaughter's story, not your story.

For example, my older (half-)brother barely knew his father at all, and that's to everyone's benefit, but we would never ever pretend that he didn't exist.


 
Shutterbugg
Idol
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Shutterbugg
In response to aquabunny

I have been creating books for my bonus (step) son since he was 8. He is now 17. When I have the occasion to get photos with his mom in them, I do (baptisms, other events that are centered around the son). He lives with his mom and although his books are mainly of the times he spent with his dad and I, I still make it a point to include his mom if she is at the event.

I look at it this way, she is his mom and even though his mom & dad are divorced, that doesn't mean one or the other is still not an important part of his life. They are his books, of his childhood-growing up years and she should be in them regardless of the lack of relationship that between his dad and mom. So my opinion is, if the books are for your granddaughter, they should include her mom AND dad, regardless of if all the pictures are of scowling faces. It's the scowlers that will someday have to explain their faces when she starts asking!


 
Vae
Vae 
Diva
Posts: 9622
Joined: 07-14-07
Vae
  • Vae on 02-25-13 03:22 PM
In response to Shutterbugg

Bonus son... LOVE it!


 
Tenant
Posts: 89
Joined: 02-20-13
In response to Vae

Thanks for all the responses. You have made me look at this from different eyes. I will keep an open mind when doing her book. I want it to be special for her. Thanks again....


 
Henri Jean
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Henri Jean
In response to Homemaid

My stepdauther (married in her 30's) put a book together recently for a present for her dad. One of the Snapfish or Shutterfly things and she did a nice job on it.

She had a lot of pictures of herself with her parents which you would expect. Then she had some of her mom and her and some of her dad and her. Then as time went on my pictures started showing up with her dad and her and her brother. There are quite a few pictures with me in them as well as her mother's husband (she's been married to him for a long time).

As much as I hate seeing pictures of BIll and his ex together, it is part of his daughter's life.

I actually have a picture of his ex with Bill and me and his daughter. In fact in his daughter's book, there are quite a few pictures of Bill and me with her mother and her and other family members.



 
Diva
Posts: 5860
Joined: 09-06-07
In response to Henri Jean

I am glad that you have a chance to reconsider and do good to your granddauther's life story!


 
aquabunny
Idol
Posts: 4033
Joined: 01-10-10
aquabunny
In response to princelee1019

Please note the the poster above me in this thread, "princelee1019", is just copying text from posts elsewhere in the thread (in this case, Homemaid's post from 2/23). My experience with posters like this in the past has been that they often come back to edit the post with spam links later on.


Edited by aquabunny on 03-01-13 10:12 AM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
dwelch
dwelch 
Diva
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dwelch
In response to aquabunny

I think of scrapping as memorializing your life - that includds the good, the bad, and the ugly. After all, those experiences are what make us what we are today. I probably wouldn't go overboard, but I wouldn't hesitate to include photos that include the mom if they contributed to the layout.


 
GMFTS
GMFTS 
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GMFTS
  • GMFTS on 03-11-13 11:08 AM
In response to dwelch

My mother died when I was five. My father remarried two years later. This took place 55 years ago. My stepmother will still not tolerate the mention of my mother forget about having pictures of her around.

My dad and she had two children so they had a mother but we had ours cut out of our lives. This still hurts.

I have been divorced from my children's father, my son has been divorced from his children's mother. This issue continues to come up - I scrap what I feel like, when I feel like it but I don't feel I need to exclude anyone but I do try to be sensitive to the feelings of the others.
How about saving these photos to scrap at a later time with your granddaughter.


 
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