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Username Post: Brats Corner Latte Shop-Remodeled        (Topic#1589625)
Linnny
Linnny 
Queen
Posts: 38749
Joined: 01-18-08
Linnny
In response to Sassy Suzi

Suzi, looks like the 2nd time around was the charm for you as well as me!!!!! Love that your dh makes you laugh....here too. His intent sometimes isn't to make me laugh, but he just says things that make me giggle.



 
scrapwriter
Governor
Posts: 16127
Joined: 02-21-05
scrapwriter
In response to Linnny

If you got a good one - what a blessing to have. Lorna I feel the same. I wonder if I ever will have that deep love people talk about. Someone who even in the bad times or the middle of disagreement you still love and respect. Such a dreamer I am



 
Dawna.s Place
Mayor
Posts: 10665
Joined: 07-12-11
Dawna.s Place
In response to scrapwriter

Morning Ladies,

Java is on! Well that was quite the adventure catching up with you girls this morning! Whew! Yes we certainly have left our mark on this place. lol :P

Jo and Lorna you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers this morning. So very sad for everyone. May God's peace and strength be with you all.

Deb LOVE what you've done with the remodel!

Elizabeth happy to see you. Hope your feeling well today.

Suzie happy you found us, you're very welcome to have that cushy chair and join us!

As you can see this is a place we all come to share the good, bad and everything in between with each other. Its a place where, no matter whats going on in our lives, we have each others back. And we wouldn't have it any other way!

It's Friday and we've made it through another week together. That calls for a huge ~


 
Lorna Lee
Governor
Posts: 20738
Joined: 03-25-10
Lorna Lee
In response to Dawna.s Place

Good morning ladies

Dawna, you are so right. Some days, this is the only place that I feel safe to just be me. I am so very greatful for that.

Bren, I see other people with that kind of love and wonder if I will ever know it in my life time on earth. Is it me? Is it the men I attract? Is there a sign on me that only men see that says"SUCKER-No need to treat with respect of love"?

I have a big problem being the main bread winner in the house. Taking care of 2/3 of expense and not even being consulted on decissions. Or told that his son that lives there does help but gives the money to him. I feel betrayed when I need a new car but cannot buy one because I am paying for all the rent and 90% of groceries. His son who lives there goes out a buys a brand new car. I have been saying that I wanted to park in the garage for a year now and he makes it happen by cleaning the garage now only so that his son can park in there too. REALLY??? Is it wrong for me to feel betrayed, used??? Of course it does not help that when he does these things he does them on the sly so by the time the opportunity comes when I am confronted, I pop off with a comment like "Is he going to start paying rent?"
I am open for any advise that you ladies may have.

Have a blessed Friday.


 
scrapwriter
Governor
Posts: 16127
Joined: 02-21-05
scrapwriter
In response to Lorna Lee

Lorna I'm going to open my mouth but keep in mind I don't have a great track record. I stuck my marriage out for 16 years before deciding I'd rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone making me feel bad.

1. Immediately quit paying 2/3 the rent ... there are three adults, pay your 1/3 and let the cards lay where they may. You already know you can make it on your own you've done it before so have that confidence. Believe me, it will not hurt your credit as much as you would think.

2. Stick the difference of what you'd pay into an account towards your car. Without a quality car you can't make quality money.

3. That dinner ********...well my family did that the first 8 years of marriage. I bought some Campbell's soup walked into the house one night heated my soup up and when asked what's for dinner I replied "I don't know what you're having, I'm having soup". A few night's in a row of this and they get that you are SERIOUS.

4. Housework: dishes. Leave them. Go buy some nice disposable silverware and paper plates (that are pretty and make you happy). Don't share!!!!! Hide them if you have to.

5. Laundry - to each their own.

6. Groceries (see soup line and buy for one).

Honestly what's the worst that can happen? You end up on your own. Right now you feel so hurt that you are struggling to stay anyhow. The best that can happen is that they will realize how much you do and/or you will realize they do more than you thought. Hey c'mon now, I had to make sure I threw them a little bone

And lastly...prayer, lots of prayer. Is he a Christian? Then pray for him to be convicted and how to approach your marriage. If he is not a Christian, pray for how you should hand le an 'unevenly yoked' marriage.

We cannot tell you in the end what to do because you are the one that will live with the outcome. All we can tell you is that we will love you and be here for any trials, tears or triumphs.

BIG HUGS - bren.


Edited by scrapwriter on 07-26-13 06:42 AM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
DKravec
Angel
Posts: 72031
Joined: 09-05-08
DKravec
In response to Lorna Lee

Lorna, you definitely don't deserve to be treated that way. I wish I had the perfect advice for you but I can't even stick to my own advice. Be strong hun.


 
Lorna Lee
Governor
Posts: 20738
Joined: 03-25-10
Lorna Lee
In response to DKravec

Thank you so much ladies.
Last night when he blew up because of my comment, I told him that it would really help if he talked to me about things. I was told that he did not need to tell me every detail of everything. That I was a woman and did not understand. That from the beginning of time men.... I stopped him and said WAIT... You want to bring up the way it was in the beginning with men and woman??? WOMAN did not have be work out side the home. Of course his response was oh no do not bring that up. He said that he told me that I could get my car after May next year when he is done paying child support to one baby mama. He said that his son gives him money everytime he gets paid. That is why he has been buying some groceries. 90% of the little that he buys is for his lunch. Am I being selfish here. I will give him (Roy Hubby) props that he does the yard work and he cleans the kitchen at night after I cook. Vacuums too because he cannot stand to have any dirt on the floor. I buy all the TP, papper towels, 90% of laundry soap, all dish soap, our shampoo, our body soap, our Zertec, Vitamins, Cleaning supplies...... you get the picture. I do not think that I would react as bad and say things the way that I do if he would just talk to me and get my opinion. He just assumes it is okay since it is the way it has always been.

Bren, I think that I am going on strike again. I cooked my last meal in that house last night (for a while). I will get my own dinner and not worry about them since he made a big deal over buying some hamburger and steaks ($25.00 worth). He bought his lunch stuff too so he can eat that. He has a load of laundry now to be done. I was going to wash last night but Joshua wanted to wash so I let him. Now I think I will do my laundry and leave his there. I will also go do as I please after work without a text of call as he does. He slept in the kids room last night (since his lazy daughter is at grandma's).
He says that I am negative toward his kids but that he has learned not to be with mine. There is a difference.... I have never expected him to pay more than his share of the bills so that he could feed my son or give my son a place to live. If I do anything for my son it does not come at the expense of my obligations to our home.

Ok, I am going to stop now. I sould like a bitter old brute. I do not like this person. Thank you for allowing me to vent so that I can move on. Yes I have been praying a lot. I think that I need a man to tell me what he thinks from that side of the road. Tables turned.


 
Drayia
Drayia 
Diva
Posts: 7406
Joined: 02-19-08
Drayia
In response to Lorna Lee

First let me say how gorgeous and welcoming the new shop is!! Great Job Deb and everyone else that has contributed to the d├ęcor.

Second, Linny and Susie, I too was lucky enough to marry an incredible man after a very scary first. Now I would not of been in the position to even get involved with another man if it was not for a very good male friend of mine. He helped me to see that I am worthy of being treated like a Queen and that not all men are just after one thing If it would not of been for the kindness, generosity and gentleman like way he treated me I am sure I would of let my DH slip through my fingers. He too makes me laugh and smile a lot.

Jo my heart cries with you over your loss. The Lord needed him for something special otherwise he would not of called him home so soon. From the sounds of things he was a very special spirit and blessed many lives while here. He, I am sure, is watching over you all. Prayers of comfort and love.

Lorna, my heart and soul bleeds for you and the situation you are in. I wish I could be there and just take you in my arms and give you a huge hug, remember dearest friend, YOU are a Royal Daughter of GOD and Deserve to be treated as such!! I am glad you are praying for guidance, one thing I have learned is that until you make a choice HE will not confirm to you if it is the right one. HE might but signs posts in your way to help you to choose but HE will never tell you to leave. Families are sacred to HIM but there are times when it is better to be on our own with our faith in GOD then to be in a situation that makes us feel and believe we are less then GOD's children.
After 12 years I finally left because I realized that I was WORTH more and my children need to know I was and they were too. It was the best choice I made and I am living 100% better life now and it is back to my roots, a Christ-like life. If you need an ear to rant to you can pm me, I am very good at listening


 
Lorna Lee
Governor
Posts: 20738
Joined: 03-25-10
Lorna Lee
In response to Drayia

God has truely blessed me with sisters like I have here. I pray everyday that I will be a better person, a better wife, a better mother/step mother. I pray for guidience in this relationship that I feel whole heartedly that God put me in. That is the only reason that I have stuck it out for 8 years. I really have never felt special thou. Only like I am a paycheck.
Please ladies, pray that God will help me to discover all that He has planned for me and who I am. I hate being forced to be defensive, angry and hurt. I love my Lord and I believe that He can and does shine His light through me. When I feel this way that light is extinguished. I need that light. I need that glow.


 
ILOVEPAPILLONS
Mayor
Posts: 12665
Joined: 12-11-08
ILOVEPAPILLONS
In response to Lorna Lee

Lorna, I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time and you have got some good advice here so far. It is very hard to change your ways and to stop paying the bills and doing what you are doing, but it does sound like you are being used. As Bren says, think of yourself and let them fend for themselves. If it explodes you will have to choose a path and I am sure after all has happened you will look back and realize that God has guided you. We are all here for you. Lots of hugs xxxxxxx


 
ILOVEPAPILLONS
Mayor
Posts: 12665
Joined: 12-11-08
ILOVEPAPILLONS
In response to ILOVEPAPILLONS

Wow, just went onto Pinterest and saw this, how appropriate is it.

Let go of the people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues. - Dr. Steve Maraboli


 
Lorna Lee
Governor
Posts: 20738
Joined: 03-25-10
Lorna Lee
In response to ILOVEPAPILLONS

Love it.


 
Linnny
Linnny 
Queen
Posts: 38749
Joined: 01-18-08
Linnny
In response to Lorna Lee

Hi sweet friends....been out all day to my auntie cousin's house. We live so close, yet do not seem to make enough time to get together....that's is sad and I need to fix that!

Lorna, you have been on my mind....like many of the women here, I know the pain you are dealing with....I pray you find a resolution that you are comfortable with as it is very difficult living with that pain. I hurt for you dear friend.


 
Linnny
Linnny 
Queen
Posts: 38749
Joined: 01-18-08
Linnny
In response to Lorna Lee

Hi sweet friends....been out all day to my auntie cousin's house. We live so close, yet do not seem to make enough time to get together....that's is sad and I need to fix that!

Lorna, you have been on my mind....like many of the women here, I know the pain you are dealing with....I pray you find a resolution that you are comfortable with as it is very difficult living with that pain. I hurt for you dear friend.


 
Sassy Suzi
Diva
Posts: 9179
Joined: 01-21-10
Sassy Suzi
In response to Linnny

Lorna life has not always been easy here. DH and I have dealt with a lot with his daughter and grand daughter. When his daughter lived with us for 5 months, it was pure h3ll, and she would cuss him out. I finally told him that either she goes or I am going. He kicked her out. Then he was giving her money all the the time while she laid up on her sorry but and took it. One day at work I pulled his bank account and highlighted every time he transfer money to her account. I brought it home and showed him this is what I know for a fact that you are giving her and that is not counting the cash. I then said I resent that I am working and signing my pay check over to her and I am not going to do it anymore that I will quit work. The bank closed that day and she got a job, It amazes me what one can do when the bank closes.
She moved back to where she was living, 4 hours away and life was good once again. He has to see things in black and white I guess to see clearly.

In your case I would only do my own laundry and cook my own food or grab something on the way home from work. Taco Bell is cheap and Ramen noodles is cheaper. Here is a piece my therapist wrote for me when I was deciding to leave my ex:

"When your loyalty and sharing isn't being, and isn't going to be, returned. It's time to see things the way they really are...accept that they are that way, keep your own counsel, and start putting up hay for the winter. Make your move when it's best for you, not someone else, and then do it without explanation nor excuses. "

and

"I would caution you that other people have no interest in changing.
Forget it. They just don't do it. The only place you can look for change with any hope of attaining it is within your own self. What the other person is now is what he or she will be. Face it, accept it, and make your plans on that basis. Remember; the only (good) change will be the changes you make in your life based on your insight, intelligence, and judgement. (and determination not to let someone else steal your life away from you)"

I hope this helps and I would gladly be a listening ear. I have been through some rough times and built a glass around me, then layers of brick walls. It took a lot of therapy and good men to tear the walls down and learn to trust again.


 
Lorna Lee
Governor
Posts: 20738
Joined: 03-25-10
Lorna Lee
In response to Sassy Suzi

Thank you sisters for all of your caring words. I really needed you today and you have been there for me. That is priceless.
Suzi, Welcome to the sisterhood.
I love you all.


 
Dawna.s Place
Mayor
Posts: 10665
Joined: 07-12-11
Dawna.s Place
In response to Lorna Lee

Morning Ladies,

Kinda of had a fitful nights sleep last night. Not sure why I was tossing and turning but don't feel very rested today. Its Saturday and I always love to go to the Farmers Market on Saturday mornings. It always lifts my spirits to be out walking around in the sunshine and there are always wonderful fresh picks to chose from.

Have a wonderful weekend ladies. You're all in my thoughts and prayers today.


 
Martica
Queen
Posts: 33732
Joined: 08-09-06
Martica
In response to Sassy Suzi

Jo so sorry about your nephew what a tragic loss. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Jolene my prayers go out to you and the family my friend.

Lorna sweetie I am so sorry for your friend, prayers for you and his family.

Hello to everyone, guess the corner latte shop had to relocate to the next corner over. Well better scenery here it seems like. Right across the beach and next to a spa. Not bad Deb good choice of location. Now I can come by riding my bike.
How is everyone? Anything special to do today?


Edited by Martica on 07-27-13 12:24 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
Martica
Queen
Posts: 33732
Joined: 08-09-06
Martica
In response to Martica

Lorna so sorry about your situation at home I totally agree with Sassy Suzi. Don't let anyone steal your joy. You are the only one that has control of your happiness. Take care my friend call me I am here for you.


Edited by Martica on 07-27-13 06:18 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.


 
DKravec
Angel
Posts: 72031
Joined: 09-05-08
DKravec
In response to Martica

Martica, so glad you found your way to our new and improved Latte Shop. There is plenty of room outside for your bike. Did you not notice the bike rack at the corner of the building.

It's been one of those days today where I can't seem to get enough sleep. It's like my innards are exhausted. I've tried iron pills but they don't seem to be working. Maybe B12?


 
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