Username Post: what to do : HELP!!!        (Topic#1592813)
mindygail
Expert
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Joined: 08-15-12
mindygail

Hello I have a long time bf who finally after years got a job!(hallauiah) He is controlling and wont even let me have my own debit card he keeps it for me and spends at will!!
NOW BEWARE: I do have a mental health issue and addisons disease which causes memory probems.
I want to break up with him but we have two kids together. Idk what to do.
I am not commited to him I love sort of him but do not like him at all. let me know what yall think
god bless you,
mindy


 
Mercy4Free
Diva
Posts: 9066
Joined: 01-11-04
Mercy4Free
In response to mindygail

i think you know what to do. now do it. your kids will be better off!


 
ScrappyMama6
Mayor
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Joined: 06-28-10
ScrappyMama6
In response to Mercy4Free

Living with an abusive partner is crippling and demeaning and frightening. Add kids to the mixture and its magnified x10. If you feel your safety or your kids safety is in jeopardy you need to get away as quickly as possible.

I lived with an abusive man for 12 years, the last 4, the abuse was daily and started to escalate. When my sons saw him abuse me I knew I had done it long enough. I knew that every time they heard us right or saw him pound on me or saw me cry, a tiny piece of their soul was being taken.

I went to nursing school, and kept my head down long enough to save money and get out. The subsequent divorce and custody ******** almost killed me but my boys didnt have to be subjected to kind of lifestyle anymore.

You need a support system and a plan to save money. Is there someone at a church you can confide in, a safe house you can contact, family you can stay with? Your safety and the kids safety is priority #1. The details will work out eventually.

Good luck, please check in with us and let us know how you are. And feel free to PM me if you want to talk or if I can help you in some way.




 
mindygail
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Joined: 08-15-12
mindygail
In response to ScrappyMama6

I do know what to do! its just very difficult for me to leave. TOday he bought me some nice clothed i picked out! hE IS sometimes verbally abusive but we do fight in front of our kids at times. I am planning on leaving asap. I just feel likr a taker bc i am taking his trips to get clothes then leaving. not sure what to do about that.

thank you soooo much both of you,
mg


 
mindygail
Expert
Posts: 1284
Joined: 08-15-12
mindygail
In response to mindygail

last xmas he even bought me a ce2!


 
Luvmyfam
Governor
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Luvmyfam
In response to mindygail

I grew up in an abusive home. My abusers would buy me nice things and take me places to "make up" for their behavior. That is a normal part of the abuse cycle. They do that to keep you dependent on them and to make themselves feel better. You do not owe him anything because he bought you things.


 
mindygail
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Joined: 08-15-12
mindygail
In response to Luvmyfam

your right thanks he called me a "taker" bc i might be "USING" him to get things in order to stay with him? make any sense???


 
Luvmyfam
Governor
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Joined: 12-30-05
Luvmyfam
In response to mindygail

it sounds like something an abuser would say.


 
GingerH
Diva
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GingerH
In response to Luvmyfam

leave him hun for your own good and your childrens.


 
RedSquirrel
Diva
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RedSquirrel
In response to GingerH

I have no advice but I'm so sorry. I hope you figure out what to do.


 
Lookin4newideas
Governor
Posts: 15036
Joined: 09-10-08
Lookin4newideas
In response to RedSquirrel

How are things going? Came across your posting.

Are you capable of living on your own? Will he fight you for custody of your children? Are you capable of saving up money, opening up a savings/checking out of your own? Do you have someone to help you out?


 
CommaHolly
Angel
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Joined: 01-30-09
CommaHolly
In response to Lookin4newideas

1. abusers don't get better. They get worse.

2. children are better off with one healthy parent than one abusive parent and someone who allows the abuse.

3. what do you think your children are learning about how to treat women and how women should be treated?

4. You are worth more than that.


 
scrappercaz
Governor
Posts: 24467
Joined: 01-25-07
scrappercaz
In response to CommaHolly

You deserve better than this.

I hope you have someone nearby that can help you, if that's what you need.

You need a plan of action and you need to see it through.

Good luck!


 
Lookin4newideas
Governor
Posts: 15036
Joined: 09-10-08
Lookin4newideas
In response to CommaHolly

  • CommaHolly Said:
1. abusers don't get better. They get worse.

2. children are better off with one healthy parent than one abusive parent and someone who allows the abuse.

3. what do you think your children are learning about how to treat women and how women should be treated?

4. You are worth more than that.


Great advice for anyone in this situation. Especially concerning the children.


 
Diva
Posts: 5743
Joined: 09-06-07
In response to Lookin4newideas

Not sure if you are reading this thread, but you need to find someone to help you to get out and get help. There are safe groups, shelters, etc. If you go to church: find someone...are the kids in school? DO you take them to school? Then talk to the social worker and she could help you. DOn't stay..it is not going to get any better!I will keep you in my prayers!


 
paperkrafter4life
Tenant
Posts: 65
Joined: 10-09-13
paperkrafter4life
In response to bayamonesa1

I would never value someone buying me things as more important than the way that person treats me I would be GONE.


 
Cloverlady
Mayor
Posts: 10677
Joined: 03-07-14
Cloverlady
In response to paperkrafter4life

Mindy
I think you might want to consult a professional on this one. It sounds like you are in a bad situition and need to get out. They can offer you advise and even provide resources on where to go for financial aid, housing, food etc until you get established. are there any womens shelters in your area that can help you?


 
mindygail
Expert
Posts: 1284
Joined: 08-15-12
mindygail
In response to Cloverlady

here is the deal
1. no sex
2. no sleep in same bed
3. rarely talk

I am so done I don't know what to do


 
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