Username Post: Feeling down.. ..be prepared        (Topic#1596315)
Sharon Leigh
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Posts: 577
Joined: 09-02-09
Sharon Leigh

I am NEVER one to post something like this in a forum but you ladies always offer a listening ear and offer good advice so here goes......i am not a very social person and I consider myself an extreme intervert. This is not something I am proud of nor enjoy. I tend to get anxiety in social situations. The other females in my family are all very social and I envy them. I constantly tell myself that talking to people should not be this difficult but for me it is. When I do put myself in social situations, I'm so nervous I flub up words and embarrasses myself. It's like I can't even talk. Then I spend the rest of the day rethinking my conversations with people and thinking what a fool I made of myself. The fact that my husband and I chose not to have children only enhances this issue. I am not required to interact with teachers, other parents or get involved in any way. In a small way, this also adds tension to my marriage as well. My husband is clearly more social than I am and enjoys going to office parties, reunions and such. Unless I am going to know everyone there, I don't want to go. At times, I feel so isolated and lonely. I am fine entertaining in my home but everywhere else I am so awkward. The strange part is I don't think anyone close to me even realizes this. I have the big house, I always entertain and they love it but it's because I'm in my home and I know who I'm inviting. I'm not sure why I just spilled all this out because I've never told anyone. I feel it holds me back from so much. I have a strong desire to volunteer in my community and get involved but even if I sign up I don't follow through because of the fear of talking to people I don't know. I even check out the windows to make sure the neighbors are not out doing yard work before I'll go get my mail. It is crazy. Has anyone ever experienced this and if so how have you handled it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Feeling kinda crazy!


 
Megan - ForumTech
The Janitor
Posts: 10528
Joined: 01-10-05
Megan - ForumTech
In response to Sharon Leigh

I don't have anything to offer, specifically, but this reminded me of an article that a friend recently posted on FB.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13658/5-things-ever yone-...

It isn't just you!


 
gin1902
Diva
Posts: 7484
Joined: 06-23-09
gin1902
In response to Megan - ForumTech

Hi Sharon! I don't think you're crazy~I think you're very brave for putting something so personal and so painful out there. I'm pretty sure everybody has embarrassed themselves in public~I sure have. And I'm pretty sure the other ladies in your family have something they struggle with that they don't want anybody to know about too. I think if you want to change, what you've done here~reaching out, is a huge step. I don't know you at all, but I really hope that you find those wings I think you have. They're just folded up right now~waiting to open.



 
cindy312
Diva
Posts: 5361
Joined: 01-08-06
cindy312
In response to gin1902

  • gin1902 Said:
I think if you want to change, what you've done here~reaching out, is a huge step. I don't know you at all, but I really hope that you find those wings I think you have. They're just folded up right now~waiting to open.





She is so right and she said it so well!

I think just about everyone feels nervous in social situations at least once in a while. New can be scary, whether it's people, places, experiences, etc. The fact that you're comfortable entertaining in your home and that people happily come over says to me that you are not inherently anti-social or unable to connect with others. Try some baby steps. I love the idea of volunteering. If you choose an activity or cause you love, it'll be a win-win.

P.S. I frequently check for neighbors before darting out to get the mail. I'm not always in the mood (or have the time) for a conversation, so it's easier to do a quick check that have to pry myself away from a friendly neighbor. When I do have time, I make sure to chat with the neighbors. It can be awkward at first with someone new, but I've developed wonderful relationships with neighbors over the years.

Good luck!!


 
Doreena
Governor
Posts: 16958
Joined: 11-20-05
Doreena
In response to cindy312

I don't think you're crazy. Being an introvert is just a part (big part) of your personality. No need to apologize for it. I am an introvert myself!
I even blogged about it.
Check this out: http://madijoes.blogspot.com/2013/11/112613-how-to -hand...

However, you can become LESS of an introvert. I know because I did it. Because of some not-so-happy-events that happened in my life recently (w/in the last 3 years) I have made a great effort to be less introverted. It's been difficult, but the fun and happiness I experience from being more a part of the social circle has actually made me happier and feel like I can be MORE social.
It's also helped my marriage (one of the things that was suffering recently)!

Sometimes you just need to try...step out of your comfort zone and enjoy yourself! I promise you that all the things you think you said or did wrong, nobody even noticed!
I know this because even though I'm an introvert, it seems everyone wants to be my friend! Crazy right!


I missed out on a lot in life because of being afraid to be social. I'm making up for it now, even though at times I it is uncomfortable and I really wish I could be at home, LOL!

But I know that there will be plenty of times where I can be alone, so when I'm not, I make the best of it!

You can do it!
Good Luck!


 
Doreena
Governor
Posts: 16958
Joined: 11-20-05
Doreena
In response to Doreena

BTW - A little bit of alcohol helps too!
LOL!
Not too much, just enough to make you feel relaxed should do it!


 
Sharon Leigh
Veteran
Posts: 577
Joined: 09-02-09
Sharon Leigh
In response to Doreena

Thank you ladies. I have read and re-read each of your comments and I am feeling a little better today. I was just having a down day yesterday. I still can't believe I just blurted this out yesterday because I keep everything inside. But I promise to take your advice and try to do better. I'm gonna start with the alcohol suggestion. Lol


 
Sharon Leigh
Veteran
Posts: 577
Joined: 09-02-09
Sharon Leigh
In response to Doreena

Doreen - I just went to your blog and read what you wrote. Oh this sounds just like me, I could have written it myself. I too have been considered, snobby, cold etc... Just reading this alone helps a lot because like I said I have never discussed this with anyone and thought maybe I was just being the witch word with a "B"

Thank you so much
Sharon


 
Doreena
Governor
Posts: 16958
Joined: 11-20-05
Doreena
In response to Sharon Leigh

  • PalmersMom Said:
Thank you ladies. I have read and re-read each of your comments and I am feeling a little better today. I was just having a down day yesterday. I still can't believe I just blurted this out yesterday because I keep everything inside. But I promise to take your advice and try to do better. I'm gonna start with the alcohol suggestion. Lol




LOL!


 
Doreena
Governor
Posts: 16958
Joined: 11-20-05
Doreena
In response to Sharon Leigh

  • PalmersMom Said:
Doreen - I just went to your blog and read what you wrote. Oh this sounds just like me, I could have written it myself. I too have been considered, snobby, cold etc... Just reading this alone helps a lot because like I said I have never discussed this with anyone and thought maybe I was just being the witch word with a "B"

Thank you so much
Sharon



You're welcome!!


 
Luvmyfam
Governor
Posts: 21615
Joined: 12-30-05
Luvmyfam
In response to Doreena

I can relate! I could have written most of your opening post years ago, before I discovered Prozac, LOL! That. Stuff. Is. Awesome. It's not for everyone, but has worked well for me. I didn't realize that I had an underlying anxiety disorder and I scoffed at my doc when she prescribed P. I took it to prove her wrong. Oops! She was right. Within days I started to feel more comfortable socially. I've also learned that a glass of wine or a alcoholic drink goes a looooong way in making me feel comfortable in social settings.

For the most part, I've learned to embrace my introverted side (I tend to toe the line between intro/extro). Are you on Pinterest? I've seen several pins there about the plus side of being an introvert. You should check them out if you have time.


 
mindygail
Expert
Posts: 1284
Joined: 08-15-12
mindygail
In response to Luvmyfam

I am sometimes an introvert and even though I have known my sisters in law (3) of them for years I still always get nervous before I am required to be around them!!!! I am weird I guess but I feel anxious when around people I don't know!!! I think you will be just fine when you try to relax around others and maybey even try figuring out what to say to them ahead of time? alchohal also I agree couldn't hurt!!!!


 
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