Develop From the Negatives by Traci Reed and Shawna Clingerman
Scallop template from Birchwood: Clippings by Zinnias & Swallowtails
Font: DJB Marcia Script
One mistake Iíve made that took me a really long time to forgive myself for, that to this day I feel regret over, is having one last moment with my mom. Dad, Kuya, Sam & I had pretty much camped out in her hospital room during those last days of her sickness. I remember on the night before she passed away, Mark & the Leap 22 coaches had all trekked to the hospital to see her. Tita Au was with them, and of course she asked how I was. She was happy she got to spend a little time with Mom, and I remember she exhorted me to have ďalone timeĒ with her, if only to say goodbye on my own. And...on the morning of her death, there was such a moment. When no nurse or doctor was present, when my family was off running errands or just in one corner of the room. I knew it was a moment to grab...and I didnít. I literally felt that moment stretch, then slowly dissipate. Later that afternoon things progressed very quickly and off Mom went to Heaven.
I knew why I hesitated; I didnít want to say goodbye, and I was scared. Then I lost that moment, and to this day I am sad about it. Iíve stopped being angry with myself, though it took a while. I miss my mom so much, but now Iíve grown quite comfortable with having one-sided conversations with her, especially when I am unsure about what to do. And what Iím grateful for is that now, I take every chance I can to say I love you to my family. I donít like saying goodbye, I prefer ďSee you later.Ē I am more demonstrative to loved ones. I confide in my dad and sister more. I donít know how much more time I have left here. I am grateful for the time I did have with her, and that many relatives and common friends of ours say that I remind them of her. I am grateful that I can happily say I am her daughter.