Oct. Adjective Challenge; Oct. We Love Flowers Challenge
Being firstborn by several years makes you not really an only child, not really a sister in that growing-up-together sense. The journaling talks about missing out on that togetherness with my sibs, not really being able to relate as peers until we were all adults, and the limbo I now feel like I'm in since our mom passed away...somewhere between sister/mother and aunt/grandmother.
Adding journaling because of one of the comments:
Firstborn. And not slightly, either. Nine years older than Amy; nearly 14 years older than Rusty. Amy was half my age when I left for college; Rusty was still a preschooler.
Being first with that much age spread was a mixed bag. On the good side: I remember things and people that Amy & Rusty never knew - Aunt Irma & her feather beds, Grandma & Grandpa Jordan, playing dominoes with Grandma Hulsey, playing in the hayloft and at the pond dam, eating corn straight out of the field, helping Mom with her college homework and going to Dad's college graduation; using an outhouse until we built a bathroom in the basement. On the bad side: Mom & Dad didn't have as much money for me to have or do things, rules were stricter, I was a built-in babysitter for them, we moved around more so I changed schools a lot until 7th grade (which was tough for a shy kid).
Worst of all, I didn't really get to know my sister & brother until we reached adulthood...marriage...parenthood. And now we're all so busy with our own lives & families. We've lost so much time - time we'll never get back.
Now with mom gone, I find myself in a twilight zone, somewhere between big sister & surrogate mother for Amy & Rusty, somewhere between aunt & surrogate grandmother for their kids (especially since I'll have a niece younger than my own grandson).