*sigh* The tough stuff. My first "tough stuff" LO, actually. Possible trigger. Just wanted to give warning. Motivated by Simple Scrapbooks' Sept/Oct "Coping With Loss" section.
Journaling: Well, here it is, London. The last photo. Un-cropped, with all of its imperfections. If I would have known these were going to be the last photos taken of you, things would have been different. I would not have used this camera. And I would have taken more than four photos of you that day.
You wouldn’t be sitting on my bed. You wouldn’t have a silly dinosaur up by your head. I would have sat back a little so the photos would be more in focus. If I would have known these were going to be the last photos of you, I would have made sure they were perfect.
I didn’t know we’d lose you just a few weeks later. I wish I would have held you closer. I wish I would have kissed you over and over and over. I wish I would have taken more photos of us together… just me and you, my first niece.
I would have told you I loved you… not ten times a day, but every second I was with you. I would have asked, just for one night, if you could sleep in my room. I would have cuddled you every chance I got. I would have hugged you and never let go.
If I only would have known! But, Baby, I didn’t know. God was the only one who knew.
Yes, I would have done many things differently. But, London, there’s one thing I wouldn’t change, not for all the photos in the world.
I’m still so proud that I got to be the one… the one to take the last photo.
We lost her to SIDS, January 26, 1995. I found the negatives for these photos a few months ago, and I've really been wanting to scrap them and journal. I wrote poems and little stuff like that back in 1995 (I was in 8th grade), but I haven't *really* journaled about her till now. Felt good. Really good. Love scrapping as therapy. :)
I love inking. :) Very much. :D
Thank you SO much for looking. If you've gotten this far on my description [novel], I appreciate it. This is a tough subject. Thank you again. :)