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Gwemniey
January 7, 2015

TO A BETTER RESOLUTION wk1/52

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Every year I make the same resolution to change the "ugly" in me. My nose is too big, my head is square; I'm overweight, out of shape, my chest is too small and my breast sag. My arms are flabby, and my belly jiggles and hangs over my jeans. My thighs stick together, and chafe in the heat. My legs are scared, and stubby all the time, and my feet are callused and big. From the very top of my head to the very bottom of my toes; I am flawed. Flawed by the views and images that I see all around me. On screen, in the magazines, I am viewed as everything a woman doesn't want to be. To be fit, is to be strong, therefore I am weak. To be beautiful, is to be powerful, therefore I meek. I have had issues with my physical appearance my entire life. My weight is a yoyo, I starve myself to get to a size 9 (which is still considered plus size) and when I do eat, I gain everything back. I have dieted, sweated until I vomited; all to try to reach goals I promise myself I will achieve every January; I repeat the same unseccessful promise to myself, "This year will be different, this year I will make it happen, no matter what." Goals that I never achieve. The falsity in my will, the emptiness of my narcissistic promises, they repeat like a broken record. This year, I didn't make any resolutions. This year, I am just going to take it day by day, what ever happens...happens, and at the end of this year? We'll see.


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