Jason was born just 17 months after I lost his sister that lived only a few hours. His big sister was 3 ½ when he was born. Christy adored her little brother. Jason loved to be cuddled and at night sometimes I could not put him down and just held him. He was such a good baby..no colic like his big sister.
Jason surprised us and potty trained himself at 2 years 3 months. I was so surprised…I thought boys were supposed to be harder…but no. He started telling us he had to go…and never had wet pants.
Jason as a preschooler was at times very intense…and I would sometimes have to hold him tight and talk softly to calm him down…
Jason started showing signs of not dealing well with school stress in 5th grade. We got a call from one of the school aids that Jason was banging his head against the bathroom mirror in frustration. We took him to counseling the first time. The teacher that year was not nice to Jason…I wish I would have pulled him out and been able to home school him..but with working that was not an easy thing to do.
Jason was such a funny guy..he loved to do magic tricks for us. We loved his crookedy smile that he had as a baby and never outgrew. We moved to the country on 3 acres when Jason was 8 years old. He loved to fish in the pond, ride his trail bike, and just explore.
Jason started listening to “dark” music at about age 15. We were very concerned and tried so hard to rid the house of this music. He would listen to Marilyn Manson..and others. I would go online and read the lyrics to be sure they were ok. Jason rebelled and would not follow the rules. This was our biggest issue in his teens was this horrible music.
Jason experimented with marijuana..but once he got his drivers license we said he had to stay clean to keep the keys to his car. I would every few months get him tested..he was always clean.
Jason’s art became very disturbing also…being a slave..pictures of brains. We had him in counseling from the time he was 16..and put on anti depressants also. The battles with the music and rebellion became so intense at times we took him for a psych evaluation. He was always able to talk his way out of ever being hospitalized.
Jason struggled with the high school experience. We finally let him do independent study in his last year of High School. I wish I had done this sooner… He turned 18 in January of that year, found a full time job and moved out of our home.
This full time job working at a call center became too much for Jason and he quit. He ended up working for over a year for a landscaping business.
On July 2nd 2002,He decided he was ready to take his own life. He knew that his grandpa Kent had a gun at the cabin. He headed to the cabin and found the gun..and fell asleep..planning on following through with his plan in the morning. My parents went up there in the morning and found him sleeping. Jason could not follow through with his plan …and as he says…was on a emotional rollercoaster. He decided maybe going to a mental hospital was not a bad idea. He called me to come get him and take him to the ER. I was alone that night…watching “A Beautiful Mind”. I was so scared…
We decided he needed to come home so that he would not have to worry about a roof over his head and food to eat. He felt like he wanted to go back to school. We knew coming back home would be hard so we bought a travel trailer for him to live in on our property. We made an agreement that if he would go to school, keep the trailer clean, and help with some of the outside work, We would pay for him to go to school and give him spending money. He was diagnosed as bi polar at 19. He struggled with sleep issues..either could not sleep or slept too much. It was hard for him to get to class..
We were facing health problems with my husband and his atrial fibrillation was making difficult to take care of 3 acres. Our youngest daughter was graduating from high school and would be going to college soon. We decided it was time to sell our home on 3 acres and move back to a place with not as much yard work. Jason was only passing a few classes and failing the others. We felt it was time for him to get a job. Jason became more difficult and we made the decision that he needed to find his own place to live.
Jason worked in a warehouse and lived in a small studio apartment in downtown Sacramento. He enjoyed having his own space. It was filled with music equipment. He created music using the computer and a keyboard. He was able to support himself and still have extra money for his music purchases. In December 2005, the company he was working layed off about 10 employees. Jason’s best friend was laid off. He was a hard worker and they kept him..but the workload became very stressful for Jason. We encouraged him to find a new job. We helped him with writing a resume. He never took the step to find one.
Jason quit his job on May 17, 2006. He spent the next day getting his “supplies” and writing his 4 page suicide note. Early morning on May 19th, he put a note on his door “I have killed myself, please call 911, thank you” His neighbor saw the note and called 911. We received a phone call at 5am that the coroner had found his body.
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May 27, 2015