Description: this was a layout for scrapfaith this month... the challenge was to scrap about unanswered prayers. deep stuff. awesome work done by all the girls. The journaling is deep stuff, so if you don't feel like plunging off... skip it. :) My hubby took the picture for me of my hands- it's hard to see scanned, but the picture is meant to show the hands of praying, and to show the scars on my arm where the } is. the papers are SEI Chocolat. TFL! Journaling: I'm not sure how many nights I used to lie in bed at the age of 14, praying to God to die. It was a lot. And I'm really not sure at what point I started thinking about taking my own life, believing there really wasn't a life worth living. I remember the attempt though. I remember the day I thought for sure it was going to be my last, deciding the fate of my life was in my control.
The scars on my wrist have faded over the years, as has the shame of them. Seldom do I get questions about them, but I know they are noticed. They stand out against my arm and have faded to the white they are today. I forget about them from time to time, until they catch my eye.
While I am not proud of them, I am not ashamed either. It took many years before I could look the people in the eye, the ones that do get around to asking, and tell them what they were from. And each time I do, I thank God for knowing. My life has its ups and downs just as every life does,
but I am abundantly blessed in life.
I am thankful there was a power greater than I that knew what an amazing life I would have. The joys and laughter, and all the fabulous memories. Rainy days. Sunny days. My kids' bed head. My husband's kisses and hugs. Laughing so hard you cry (and in my case, pee on myself). Snuggles. Creating. Play-doh. Pictures… I could stare at pictures all day. Clean car smell. New candles. Swings. Slides. Being a wife. Being a mother, a sister, an aunt. Babies sneezing with a mouth full of baby food (always happens at least once, and cracks me up every time!). New flowers. A great pedicure. My kids running to me proud to show off their latest accomplishment. Girl's night. A good book. Email. Blonde curls (I'm partial). Clean baby smell. Opening the blinds first thing in the morning. A noisy house full of family and friends. A fruity frozen drink by the pool. Trying out a yummy new recipe. Giving birth. Being proposed to. Friends so amazing. Seeing Brent sing and dance to Ice Ice Baby. Cameron making up his own dances. Megan turning everything into a song. Parties. Spring days at the park. Waking up every day to the life that is mine.
I have said before that if I had to do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat. Because it would mean I'd be right here,right now,
and I wouldn't trade that for the world.




My scars are a constant reminder of that-
it seems just when I'm having a crappy day, or in a bad mood,
the light seems to catch those scars and stop me in my tracks.
To remind me how whatever is going on,
no matter how huge, just won't matter over time.
That I might even be grateful for it later.
And that's the moment in the day that I am so thankful for unanswered prayers.