05-18-06 10:37 AM - Post#1753604



I've just turned on Theresa Griffiths CD called 'Bliss'...

Beautiful Celtic Flute & Vocals...

I sort through some scrapbook papers to do a page of my Grandson that is now 6 months old, & living in Turkey.

But, the music is touching something deep within me, bringing out soft & seemingly forgotten emotions...flashes of days of old...when I was still a wondering wandering child. Off in the center of the 80 acres we called Home.

I see partial pages, with photos & paper tucked together, as if awaiting that magical moment, when it will all fall into place, & I will create the deeper meanings of my life on a piece of paper.
Colors cry out from the racks of paper in front of me. Each has their own part of the stories to tell. Each is wanting a part in the play.

The music spills from the living room into my craft room.
The music is in agreement with the paper, at just the right notes, the flute is saying it is true, what the paper is crying out to say from this page I'm about to make...(or only day dream of if I'm not careful)...YOU KNOW what I mean...some of you..

Not today. Not just a dream today, my soul cries out. There is something hidden in here, & it needs to come out. Sure, there may be pain, but there are also warm sunny days, buzzing bumble bees, and butterflies....cool breezes in the shade. Birds singing through the forest, as the sun dances between branches, leaves and ferns growing beneath the tall Firs.

I gasp slightly as I see a paper that speaks of the burlap bag we used to place my Brothers ashes in at his memorial service...not now. Can't face that now...or can I?

Somehow when the pain all surfaces, and I feel like I'm losing my mind for a moment, as unspoken grief spills out of a place in my heart I've tried to steady over the years, a calming peace takes the place of all the grief when I am done..and look at a page of my life...of my heart. Of part of who I am, or what I feel or have felt at one time. Or of someone I've always treasured, or maybe even needed to fully forgive. Sometimes that happens in layers. Most of the time, with me I think.

I sometimes ask myself: Am I having fun or in torment? Often, the answer is both. But as the last piece of ribbon or the last brad fastens something to the page...I know I have dealt with something in a special way.

I think of what it would have cost to see a shrink for the same amount of time. I wonder if I'd only begin to open up, only to hear "see you again next week...or next month.."

I wonder...could I even find the words to unlock the tragedies of yesterday without the help of a certain color? Oh, not only tragedy...but the JOY that was there, hidden behind undealt with sorrows & questionings.

Relief floods my being. Sometimes I come to an understanding, like pieces of a jig saw puzzle pieced together for the very first time.
Other times...I don't even know what that was all about. But the child within me is hushed...able to rest after all these years. So why would I need to know? All is well.

Later, I may perceive a change in my outlook or an attitude about something I'd never given much thought to before, or merley couldn't understand..all is for the better..

Somehow the $$ I've spent on scrapbooking supplies seems to be nothing at all compared to the peace I feel when a page goes good!

The music calls to me...the dinning room table says, "Come out here. Let God use us as a tool to bring healing to your heart. Let Joy replace the pain. Let the past be put in the past, yet have a place of respect & understanding in a new light, as your hands tell the story to your soul on the paper. Come. And be who you are. It's really OK to be you".

I'm off to the dinning room...to the trees...the summer breeze...and butterflies.
Talk to you all later..
Celia
in Tacoma Art: A Reflection of Life, Thought & Emotion