My dog, he is an ugly dog
He’s put together all wrong
His legs are much too long.

My dog, he is a scruffy dog
He’s missing clumps of hair
His face is quite ridiculous
His tail is scarcely there.

My dog, he is a dingy dog
His fur is full of fleas
He sometimes smells like dirty socks
He sometimes smell like cheese.

My dog, he is a noisy dog
He’s hardly ever still
He barks at almost anything
His voice is loud and shrill

My dog, he is a stupid dog
His mind is slow and thick
He’s never learned to catch a ball
He cannot fetch a stick.

My dog, he is a greedy dog
He eats enough for three
His belly bulges to the ground
He is the dog for me.