Sung to the tune of ‘My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean’

My body is starting to crumble
My belly is going to pot
My words come out as a mumble
If I were a horse I’d be shot

Chorus:

Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my youth to me, to me
Bring back, Oh bring back
Don’t leave me in misery
My brain cells have left on vacation
My forehead is getting too high
My hair ends up in the basin
And I’m liking my pants with no fly

My biceps are starting to soften
And if that ain’t enough
I’m grabbing my ankles too often
While the doctor is saying “please cough”

I shouldn’t get down in a blue mood
I shouldn’t be sad and distraught
My mind says I’m still a hot dude
Although my mirror says ‘not’.