|
I'm only as strong as the coffee I drink & the hairspray I use..
26-Jan-07
|
|
|
...First rain...Then HOT...Now Sweat!...What a day...
22-Aug-06
|
|
|
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then w...
03-Jan-06
|
|
|
A foreigner visiting the United States thought 'oakie doakie' was the feminine o...
02-Aug-08
|
|
|
A New Year' Resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
06-Jan-06
|
|
|
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough pe...
08-Mar-06
|
|
|
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife a...
03-Jan-06
|
|
|
"A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit".
23-Jan-09
|
|
|
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successf...
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it...
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
Been there, done that, scrapped a page about it.
24-May-06
|
|
|
Been there, done that, scrapped a page about it.
30-Jan-07
|
|
|
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
Being in love is being stupid together.
25-Sep-06
|
|
|
Best friends: you fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off...
17-Aug-06
|
|
|
Best friends: you fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off...
18-Aug-06
|
|
|
Best friends: you fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off...
18-Aug-06
|
|
|
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
"Butt it's Art" used for a photo of rear end!
28-Jun-07
|
|
|
Comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
01-Nov-07
|
|
|
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
12-Oct-07
|
|
|
"Esa niña no soy yo, aunque en Halloween me veré igual que ella".
08-Oct-06
|
|
|
Food, love, careers, and mothers; the four major guilt groups.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong...
04-Mar-08
|
|
|
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society.
01-Apr-07
|
|
|
Half the fun of remembering is the rearranging.
02-Aug-08
|
|
|
Here's a problem for a P.T.A. discussion: 'Should parents strike back?'
02-Aug-08
|
|
|
Housework can't kill you. But why take the chance?
21-Jan-07
|
|
|
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am sayi...
27-Apr-12
|
|
|
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
I don't believe in aging. I believe in forever altering ones aspect to the sun.
05-May-05
|
|
|
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
06-May-06
|
|
|
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
29-Nov-05
|
|
|
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you...
23-Jan-09
|
|
|
I only work here!
06-May-06
|
|
|
I pinky promise that when we're old we're gonna be best friends - chasing each o...
17-Aug-06
|
|
|
I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.
29-Jun-07
|
|
|
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
I've always thought that I had to be conscious to enjoy life, but then I took a ...
03-May-09
|
|
|
"If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you".
06-Jan-06
|
|
|
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
30-Mar-06
|
|
|
If God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
If it's the thought that counts, why do we have fingers?
24-Oct-06
|
|
|
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane!
13-Apr-07
|
|
|
If you can't be good, be good at it!
27-Jun-09
|
|
|
In some families, please is described and the magic word. In out house, however,...
19-Feb-06
|
|
|
Laugh often. At yourself and others!
29-Dec-05
|
|
|
Laughter burns calories.
22-Aug-07
|
|
|
Laughter is an instant vacation
08-Apr-07
|
|
|
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in, and no one can stop it. As you mak...
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
"Life should NOT
be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving
saf...
07-May-06
|
|
|
Marriage is finding that special someone you want to annoy for the rest of your ...
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handi...
04-Mar-08
|
|
|
Money can buy a fine dog...but only love can make him wag his tail.
26-Jan-06
|
|
|
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staf...
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
My dog thinks I am HER human instead of her being MY pet
03-May-06
|
|
|
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I st...
11-Mar-11
|
|
|
Nature's wit.
18-Jul-08
|
|
|
Never miss a good opportunity to shut-up-a-ya-mouth!
20-Jan-06
|
|
|
No good decision was ever made in a swivel chair.
03-Jan-06
|
|
|
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself....
09-Jan-06
|
|
|
"One of the keys to happiness
is a bad memory"
14-Jan-06
|
|
|
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men-- the other 999 follow women.
16-Sep-07
|
|
|
Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms...
30-Mar-06
|
|
|
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark t...
04-Sep-06
|
|
|
People who live in glass houses shouldn't walk around naked
08-Apr-07
|
|
|
Runs With Decorative Scissors
08-Jan-06
|
|
|
Sick Minds Think Alike
03-May-06
|
|
|
"Smarter than the average bear"
I like this quote b/c I actually use it all t...
19-Aug-07
|
|
|
Smile, no one will notice your shoes
10-May-06
|
|
|
So this isn't Home Sweet Home...Adjust!
29-Mar-05
|
|
|
Some days you feel like the Dog, Others you feel like the hydrante
19-Apr-06
|
|
|
"The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser -- in cas...
06-Jan-06
|
|
|
"The family is like fudge. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts".
18-Aug-06
|
|
|
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
16-Feb-06
|
|
|
The story of a mother's life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.
24-Apr-06
|
|
|
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
06-May-06
|
|
|
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a gla...
11-Oct-08
|
|
|
There is more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking.... and...
20-Jan-08
|
|
|
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with...
07-Apr-06
|
|
|
To shorten winter, borrow some money due in Spring.
19-Feb-06
|
|
|
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
05-Feb-06
|
|
|
What comes around goes around
30-Dec-05
|
|
|
Where ever you go, there you are.
09-Feb-06
|
|
|
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
20-Apr-11
|
|
|
You can never have too many books...or cats...or cheese!
05-Jan-06
|
|
|
You can't scare me -- I have a two year old.
24-Feb-06
|
|
|
You have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince.
26-Mar-06
|
|
|
"you have to let your hair down sometimes, you just have to be careful how low y...
14-Sep-08
|
|
|
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
30-Dec-05
|
|
|
1.IF YOU GO FLYING BACK THROUGH TIME AND YOU SEE SOMEBODY ELSE FLYING FORWARD IN...
22-Feb-06
|
|
|
14,610 Day Old, but who's counting? (40 yrs) (18,263 = 50 yrs) (21,915 = 60yrs)
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity.
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In You...
04-Oct-06
|
|
|
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers ...
17-May-06
|
|
|
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.
26-Feb-07
|
|
|
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...
but only a true friend will...
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know w...
27-Jan-06
|
|
|
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
A little neglect may breed mischief.
27-Dec-08
|
|
|
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other wa...
26-Feb-07
|
|
|
A MAN'S GOT TO DO WHAT A MAN'S GOT TO DO.A WOMAN MUST DO WHAT HE CAN'T
22-Feb-06
|
|
|
A mighty creature is a germ
Though smaller than a pachyderm
His childish pride...
30-Dec-05
|
|
|
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the bird...
17-May-06
|
|
|
A place for everything and everything in it's place.
10-Feb-07
|
|
|
A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG
SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HE...
08-Dec-05
|
|
|
A Work Space or A Storage Room?...That is the Question! ;)
28-Oct-08
|
|
|
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Adonis? No, but I get that a lot.
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.
23-Jun-06
|
|
|
All good qualities in a child are the result of environment, while all the bad o...
06-Aug-07
|
|
|
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
24-Mar-07
|
|
|
All the world is a scrapbook...
and I know the layout!
14-Mar-06
|
|
|
All the worlds a stage Kick up your heels
18-Oct-07
|
|
|
Alway smile life is to short to frown
21-Sep-07
|
|
|
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
12-Jan-07
|
|
|
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
22-Jan-06
|
|
|
An apple a day is suppose to keep the doctor away, but, I prefer bananas.
18-May-07
|
|
|
an onion a day keeps your friends away.
17-Oct-08
|
|
|
And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once....
28-Dec-06
|
|
|
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of thei...
28-Dec-06
|
|
|
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is to he can tell ...
10-Jun-07
|
|
|
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
07-Jan-04
|
|
|
As a beauty
I'm not a great star;
But, my face
I don't mind it,
Because I'm ...
11-May-06
|
|
|
As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just
watch what they d...
06-Jan-06
|
|
|
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped t...
29-Apr-07
|
|
|
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of yo...
27-Jan-06
|
|
|
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see b...
22-Jan-07
|
|
|
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
27-Jan-06
|
|
|
Beware of those who fall at your feet...
they may be reaching for the rug!
21-Jan-07
|
|
|
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
10-Jul-06
|
|
|
Birthdays are like Boogers... the more you have the harder it is to breathe.
02-Aug-07
|
|
|
Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
17-May-06
|
|
|
Blessed are the cracked; for it is they who let in the light.
09-Mar-06
|
|
|
Blessed are those who laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amuse...
20-Apr-10
|
|
|
Boys are God's way of telling you that your house is too neat.
10-Mar-06
|
|
|
C is for cookie. That's good enough for me."
30-Jan-07
|
|
|
Can you Imagine a world without men? NO crime and lots of happy, fat women.
31-Aug-04
|
|
|
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
04-Jan-06
|
|
|
CHAOS means Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome
11-Dec-05
|
|
|
Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight ...
23-Mar-04
|
|
|
Cleaning house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it ...
29-Mar-06
|
|
|
Cleaning Your Scrapbooking Room Can Almost Be Like Shopping All Over Again! ;)
28-Oct-08
|
|
|
Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college ...
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree t...
27-Jan-06
|
|
|
Conciousness: That annoying time between naps.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
Cowboy Logic: Don't squat with yer spurs on!
11-May-06
|
|
|
Diamonds aren't a girls best friend, Ben and Jerry are!
10-Jul-08
|
|
|
DIET, n: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
29-Apr-07
|
|
|
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and busine...
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Do or Do Not . . . There is no Try
12-Jun-06
|
|
|
Do what you want and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and t...
17-May-07
|
|
|
DO YOU LOVE ME?DO YOU LOVE ME?AFTER 25 YEARS WHY DO YOU ASK ME NOW?
13-Jul-06
|
|
|
Do your part to make this world a cuter place to live in.
02-Mar-06
|
|
|
Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
~
08-Jan-06
|
|
|
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
Don't go knocking on death's door-- ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.
29-Apr-09
|
|
|
Don't let your ferns freeze to death, you never know the outcome.
27-Dec-08
|
|
|
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today,...
03-Jan-06
|
|
|
Don't Worry, Be Happy
09-Jun-06
|
|
|
Don't Worry, Be Scrappy
16-Jun-06
|
|
|
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the ...
26-Feb-06
|
|
|
Due to the current financial restraints the light at the end of the tunnel will ...
23-Jan-09
|
|
|
Dust - Dehydrated mud.
29-Apr-07
|
|
|
Embarrassing my children: Just one more service I offer.
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Esta soy yo y mi amiga en Halloween. Yo soy la de la izquierda. La piratesca.
11-Nov-06
|
|
|
Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if it kept its mouth shut.
11-Feb-06
|
|
|
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us?
I mean, here we come back from a ...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Everyone’s a star and deserves the chance to twinkle.
16-Jul-07
|
|
|
Everytime I say the word Diet, I eat a piece of chocolate.
07-Oct-10
|
|
|
Fake it til you make it!
07-May-10
|
|
|
Fart Proudly.
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
Fat people are harder to kidnap!!
06-May-06
|
|
|
Fate had already thrown in its turning point; the only problem was getting aroun...
01-Aug-07
|
|
|
Fiddling around won't get you in the orchestra.
11-May-06
|
|
|
For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
I always wanted to be somebody, bu...
10-Jan-06
|
|
|
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellen...
20-Apr-10
|
|
|
Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
30-Sep-06
|
|
|
Friends will pick you up when you fall...but BEST friends will push you back dow...
01-Feb-09
|
|
|
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a wee...
14-Aug-06
|
|
|
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
God created liquor to keep the Irish from conquering the world
23-Jan-09
|
|
|
God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.
02-Jun-09
|
|
|
God made dirt and dirt don't hurt
06-Feb-11
|
|
|
God must love stupid people. He made so many.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
God save the Queen...(and we'll take care of her breath)
30-Dec-05
|
|
|
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Growing Old Is Mandatory...
Growing Up Is Optional!
27-May-06
|
|
|
Happy people are the fizz in the soda of life.
23-Jul-06
|
|
|
He that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.
06-Oct-05
|
|
|
He that rideth the fence, ripeth his pants!
10-Jan-06
|
|
|
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
26-Jun-05
|
|
|
He who lives in the fast lane, gets to the toll booth first.
31-May-09
|
|
|
Here I Am! Now what are your other two wishes?
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest ...
28-Dec-06
|
|
|
Humor is a universal language.
28-Dec-06
|
|
|
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
07-Jan-04
|
|
|
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
I am a Heightened Listener and Expedient Communicator.
(aka Town Gossip)
10-Aug-06
|
|
|
I am not young enough to know everything.
12-Jan-07
|
|
|
I am not young enough to know everything.
27-May-07
|
|
|
I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer
19-Sep-06
|
|
|
I can't dance and I'm too fat to fly!
11-Jun-06
|
|
|
I child-proofed my house, but they still get in.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen ...
07-Mar-07
|
|
|
I do know all the answers, but I've been sworn to secrecy.
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
06-Jan-09
|
|
|
I don't give a fig!
30-Dec-05
|
|
|
I don't have a short attention span,I just....
Oh look,a kitty!!
31-Aug-06
|
|
|
I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!
21-Jan-06
|
|
|
I don't try to be a sex bomb, I am one.
10-Jan-07
|
|
|
I find you pompous, judgemental and completely self absorbed. Would you be my f...
31-Jul-10
|
|
|
I had a dream about reality. It was such a relief to wake up.
01-Jul-06
|
|
|
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I w...
26-Feb-06
|
|
|
I have a fine sense of ridiculous, but no sense of humor.
06-May-06
|
|
|
I have learned that a pretty large chunk of adult life (at least the
office par...
18-Jun-08
|
|
|
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that ne...
01-Sep-07
|
|
|
I haven't committed a crime. What i did was fail to comply with the law.
26-Jun-05
|
|
|
I intend to live forever-so far so good.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I know God only gives us as much as we can handle. I just wish he did not have s...
19-Feb-06
|
|
|
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
06-May-06
|
|
|
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
09-Jan-06
|
|
|
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
07-Jan-04
|
|
|
I love giving homemade gifts. Which one of my children would you like?
05-Feb-07
|
|
|
i love those moments i like to wave at them as they pass by
05-Oct-06
|
|
|
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I may not be much to look at, but I'm fun to watch!
19-Jan-08
|
|
|
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying,...
30-Jan-07
|
|
|
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If y...
09-Feb-06
|
|
|
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon!
04-Apr-06
|
|
|
i scrap so i do not snap
28-Sep-06
|
|
|
I scrapbook therefore, I am.
Author: Hopefully just me
06-May-06
|
|
|
I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
I thought he was a knight in shining armor...but he ended up being my dork in al...
18-Aug-07
|
|
|
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted a paycheck.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I try not to argue with my wife, I might win, and then I’d really be in trouble!...
12-Feb-07
|
|
|
I TRY TO TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME,BUT SOMETIMES SEVERAL DAYS ATTACK ME AT ONCE.
06-May-06
|
|
|
I use to have an open mind...but my brains kept falling out.
01-Jan-06
|
|
|
I used to be normal, until I met these stupids I call my BFF
10-Apr-09
|
|
|
I used to have a handle on life - then it broke off.
07-Jul-06
|
|
|
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't...
17-May-06
|
|
|
I was going to use that sticker...but they don't know the Hello Kitty side of me...
06-Jun-06
|
|
|
I will conquer my procrastination problem...Just you wait!
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
I will stop putting things off. I start tomorrow!
20-Apr-06
|
|
|
I wish I was a glow worm,
A glow worm's never glum.
'Cus how can you be grumpy...
01-Sep-08
|
|
|
I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network exe...
16-Feb-11
|
|
|
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
I'm a beautician, not a magician!
13-Jul-06
|
|
|
I'm Lost. I've Gone to look for myself.
If I should return before I get back, ...
16-Apr-06
|
|
|
I'm not a complete idiot--Some parts are missing!
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
I'm not aging, I just need repotting!
26-Jun-06
|
|
|
I'm not bossy! I just have better ideas.
08-Feb-07
|
|
|
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
22-Mar-04
|
|
|
I'm not in denial, I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept.
27-Nov-05
|
|
|
I'm Not Speeding, I'm Qualifying
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
I'm not tense. Just terribly, terribly alert.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
I'm sick of being my wife's arm candy.
08-Feb-07
|
|
|
I'm sick of being my wife's arm candy.
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
I'm so far behind that I think I'm ahead!
11-Jun-06
|
|
|
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep en...
17-May-08
|
|
|
I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone n...
17-Dec-03
|
|
|
Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and prett...
17-May-08
|
|
|
If (Messy Baby) is equal to (Happy Baby), is (Messy Scrap room) equal to (Happy ...
28-May-09
|
|
|
If a bird can fly, why can't a fly bird?
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
If a man speaks in a desert, and no women are around to hear him, is he still wr...
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
IF AM NOT SCRAPPING AM WORKING SO SAD
18-Nov-07
|
|
|
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving definitely isn't for you.
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
If at first you don't succeed... destroy all evidence that you tried!
20-Apr-07
|
|
|
If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too lo...
05-Oct-07
|
|
|
if mamma is not happy then the whole house is not happy ......
28-Sep-06
|
|
|
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the c...
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
If people were expected to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.
29-Nov-06
|
|
|
If the #2 pencil is so great, why is it still #2?
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.
03-Jan-08
|
|
|
If you can't convince em'...confuse em'.
06-Sep-06
|
|
|
If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've alway...
17-Feb-07
|
|
|
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
26-Jul-06
|
|
|
If you obey all the rules, you'll miss out on all the fun!
29-Dec-05
|
|
|
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; tha...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
If you see a nurse smiling when things go wrong, she is probably going off duty.
03-Mar-06
|
|
|
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with ...
10-Jul-06
|
|
|
If you think you have lost people, pets, uncashed paychecks or gift cards in you...
20-Jul-11
|
|
|
If you wanna hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.
14-Jul-05
|
|
|
If you want to be seen stand up if you want to be heard speak up if you want to ...
14-Oct-08
|
|
|
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill yo...
12-Jan-07
|
|
|
Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor ...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
In Pig Years I'd be a football
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
In times like these it helps to recall that there have always been times like th...
28-Aug-06
|
|
|
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Ingenious humans are rarely tidy and tidy humans are rarely ingenious.
17-Feb-08
|
|
|
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the heck happened...
29-Dec-06
|
|
|
Instant gratification takes too long.
08-Jun-07
|
|
|
Integrity is not something you can buy. If you could, then you don't have it!
02-Jul-07
|
|
|
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
It is a small world, but I would not want to paint it!
Submitted by Manasseh ...
18-Feb-05
|
|
|
It is often as sacred to laugh as it is to pray.
25-Apr-06
|
|
|
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with ...
06-Jul-04
|
|
|
It's a phrase that the kids used and my daughter used on me.
"This is an A an...
13-Mar-06
|
|
|
It's hard to raise a family especially in the morning.
24-Feb-08
|
|
|
It's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we have to buy really sp...
01-May-06
|
|
|
It's not the winning, it's the tearing apart that counts.
Said to my son afte...
23-Oct-07
|
|
|
It's what on the inside that counts, not the outside
23-Jul-09
|
|
|
Just because you moved to the South and had kids don't expect us to consider the...
04-Oct-04
|
|
|
Just becouse I have a short intension span,doesnt mean you....Hi there
24-May-06
|
|
|
Just keep scrapping, scrapping, scrapping!
27-Sep-07
|
|
|
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
along came tomorrow.
13-Aug-07
|
|
|
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
22-Mar-04
|
|
|
Laugh at yourself before anyone else can.
25-Apr-06
|
|
|
Laughing 100 times a day is a good, healthful goal.
01-Jun-04
|
|
|
Laughter is an instant vacation.
04-Apr-06
|
|
|
Laughter is an instant vacation.
23-Apr-06
|
|
|
Laughter is the best medicine.
28-May-04
|
|
|
laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for yo...
28-Dec-06
|
|
|
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
24-Jul-06
|
|
|
learn from the past,look forward to the future,live for the PRESENTS
14-Oct-08
|
|
|
Life is hard;it's harder if you're stupid!
09-Mar-07
|
|
|
Life is just one damn thing after another.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Life is too important to take seriously.
22-Feb-06
|
|
|
Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
11-Jul-06
|
|
|
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely ...
29-May-06
|
|
|
Life's short, play naked!
07-Mar-07
|
|
|
Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body; bu...
29-Nov-06
|
|
|
Live so you wouldn't be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
09-Jul-07
|
|
|
Look where it is and if it isn't there, it's lost.
14-Sep-07
|
|
|
LOVE AT THE LIPS WAS TOUCH AS SWEET AS I COULD BEAR;AND ONCE THAT SEEMED TOO MUC...
30-Apr-06
|
|
|
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
26-Feb-06
|
|
|
Love is like a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips ov...
05-Dec-06
|
|
|
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after...
20-Jan-06
|
|
|
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other f...
15-Oct-06
|
|
|
Make Dirt Your Friend
09-Nov-07
|
|
|
Make sure you got clean underwear, she always said, in case you get in an accide...
22-Dec-03
|
|
|
mama said there would be days like this
30-Apr-09
|
|
|
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Ninety eight pe...
10-Jan-06
|
|
|
man who run in front of the car gets tired;
man who run behind the car gets exh...
24-Jun-05
|
|
|
Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.
03-Jan-06
|
|
|
Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.
01-Nov-06
|
|
|
Maybe if God had said, "I have ten suggestions for you to live by," we could und...
03-Jul-07
|
|
|
Men are like cheese and fine wine, so much better when mature.
24-Nov-07
|
|
|
Men are like fish...They get in trouble when they open their mouths!
01-Jan-06
|
|
|
Men, Coffee and chocolate are all better rich!
08-Aug-08
|
|
|
Money’s a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to meet.
05-Dec-08
|
|
|
Most women are not so young as they are painted.
28-Feb-04
|
|
|
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up $3.00 a can. That's almo...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
My Husband, the "not-so-handy" handyman
03-May-06
|
|
|
My mind not only wanders,
it sometimes leaves completely.
13-Aug-07
|
|
|
My mother always said if you want something done right, do it yourself.
06-May-06
|
|
|
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head o...
22-Mar-04
|
|
|
My wife comes with instructions. Lots of instructions.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!
31-Aug-06
|
|
|
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the...
17-May-08
|
|
|
never eat more than you can lift
15-Mar-08
|
|
|
Never eat more then you can lift
12-Feb-06
|
|
|
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
03-Feb-08
|
|
|
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
01-Mar-08
|
|
|
Never knock on deaths door,ring the door bell than run away.He hates that.
25-May-06
|
|
|
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
01-Sep-07
|
|
|
Never play leap-frog with a unicorn.
27-Jul-06
|
|
|
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have ...
10-Jul-06
|
|
|
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Never say you don't know - nod wisely, leave calmly, then run like hell to find ...
27-Apr-06
|
|
|
No clock is more regular than the belly
11-Feb-06
|
|
|
No room in my life for stupid
19-Apr-08
|
|
|
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing wi...
26-Feb-06
|
|
|
Normal-Define Normal. Who is normal? Everyone has their own interpretation of ...
30-Dec-05
|
|
|
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
16-Nov-06
|
|
|
Nothing says I love you like clean underware.
12-Sep-06
|
|
|
Now this is even more messed up than a football bat
03-May-06
|
|
|
Now this is even more messed up than a soup sandwich
03-May-06
|
|
|
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...
I DID IT RIGHT
THE FIRST TIME
08-Dec-05
|
|
|
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
22-Mar-04
|
|
|
On pregnancy:
"I cough, therefore I pee..."
25-Jan-07
|
|
|
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is someth...
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.
31-Jul-10
|
|
|
Only a TRUE PRINCESS could get away with as much as I do!
23-Jul-07
|
|
|
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. . .
27-Nov-06
|
|
|
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
07-May-07
|
|
|
Papercrafters never make mistakes. They just find an opportunity for embellishm...
01-Feb-11
|
|
|
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and ch...
29-Apr-07
|
|
|
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that...
23-Jun-06
|
|
|
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
14-Jul-06
|
|
|
people who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
09-Aug-06
|
|
|
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely... but it rocks absolutely to...
06-Sep-06
|
|
|
PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
29-Jun-06
|
|
|
Quick! Hide all the chocolate in my mouth.
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Regardless of what others say, my tendency to overreact and lose all perspective...
01-Nov-07
|
|
|
Relationships are like restaurants,
you don't stop eating out just because you ...
03-Jul-07
|
|
|
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
10-Oct-07
|
|
|
Research tells us that fourteen out of any ten individuals like chocolate.
25-Mar-07
|
|
|
Sabbath is a time for rest, and my husband does that best!
03-May-06
|
|
|
Savor the moments that are warm and special and giggly
08-Feb-06
|
|
|
Scrapbooking is cheaper than a therapist.
11-Jun-07
|
|
|
Scrapbooking isn't just my hobby...It's an Obsession!!
27-Jun-08
|
|
|
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the de...
20-Jul-07
|
|
|
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
So many hats and only one head!
09-Jun-08
|
|
|
so many moods - so little time
17-Mar-07
|
|
|
So much to do and so many things to distract me
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts
12-Mar-06
|
|
|
Somebody's boring me; I think it's me.
25-Dec-05
|
|
|
Sometimes I think I understand everything...
then I regain consciousness.
13-Aug-07
|
|
|
Sometimes I Wonder..."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me...
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Almond Joy has nuts, I won't...
23-Jul-08
|
|
|
Sometimes your the dog, sometimes your the hydrant!
17-Dec-06
|
|
|
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bar...
16-Jul-06
|
|
|
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bar...
13-Jan-06
|
|
|
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bar...
01-Apr-06
|
|
|
SWEATER, n: Garment worn by a child when it's mother is feeling chilly.
29-Apr-07
|
|
|
Sweater,n.: garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly.
24-Feb-08
|
|
|
Take time every day to do something ridiculous.
09-Jan-07
|
|
|
Take time everyday to do something silly.
16-Dec-06
|
|
|
Ten Lashes with a Wet Noodle!
09-Nov-07
|
|
|
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
The best man for the job is a woman.
18-May-06
|
|
|
The buck stops here!
06-May-06
|
|
|
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
17-May-08
|
|
|
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
07-Jan-04
|
|
|
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
14-Sep-07
|
|
|
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our...
16-Dec-06
|
|
|
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only fa...
03-Apr-06
|
|
|
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
04-Apr-06
|
|
|
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and...
02-Jan-06
|
|
|
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
22-Mar-04
|
|
|
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came...
14-Mar-06
|
|
|
The most important things in life are not things...
12-Feb-06
|
|
|
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
06-Jul-06
|
|
|
The nice part about living in a small town;
When you don't know what you're doi...
13-Aug-07
|
|
|
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
17-May-08
|
|
|
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
22-Mar-04
|
|
|
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look...
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all, you b...
01-Sep-07
|
|
|
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his ton...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
14-Sep-07
|
|
|
The trouble with the rat race is even if you win you are still a rat.
22-Jan-07
|
|
|
The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.
06-Jun-07
|
|
|
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her,
If you can bounce high; bounce ...
07-Jul-06
|
|
|
There are no nice clowns, only clowns with agendas.
01-Nov-07
|
|
|
There are really only three types of people: Those who make things happen, those...
10-Sep-04
|
|
|
there are two kinds if people: those who do the work and those who take the cred...
29-Dec-07
|
|
|
There is a fine line between hobby and mental illness.
03-Jan-06
|
|
|
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the U...
15-Feb-06
|
|
|
There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
03-Nov-07
|
|
|
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her for...
10-Jan-06
|
|
|
They say God only gives you what you can handle. Well, I must be made of steal.
27-Jul-07
|
|
|
They say I have A.D.D. but they just don't understand. Oh Look! A chicken!
04-Dec-07
|
|
|
Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.
09-Aug-06
|
|
|
This I know for sure...you'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new lo...
13-Feb-06
|
|
|
This is not a democracy, it's a monarchy and I am Queen!
12-May-07
|
|
|
Three wise men... Be serious.
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
To avoid stress at home-wear pearls and high heels-June Cleaver always looked gr...
16-Apr-06
|
|
|
To do is to be.
To be is to do.
So do be do be do be do.
19-Mar-06
|
|
|
too many of us are spending money we haven't earned to buy things we don't need ...
29-Dec-07
|
|
|
Too many pictures can spoil a layout just like to many calories spoil the ice cr...
22-Jan-07
|
|
|
URBAN COWBOY, n: One who is typically all hat and no cow.
29-Apr-07
|
|
|
Wanna see a Magic Act?
.....
........
..............
Sit me down in fron...
22-May-06
|
|
|
we are given two ends- one to sit on and the other to think with. success depend...
29-Dec-07
|
|
|
We don't skinny dip, we chunky dunk!
22-Jun-06
|
|
|
We have a strange and wonderful relationship ... he's strange, and I'm wonderful...
16-Dec-06
|
|
|
We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
02-Apr-07
|
|
|
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk a...
04-Jan-06
|
|
|
We were born crying...
we must learn to laugh.
11-Jul-07
|
|
|
WE'RE ALL HERE BECAUSE
WE'RE NOT ALL THERE.
25-May-07
|
|
|
Wear cute pajamas, you'll never know who you'll meet in your dreams.
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. CALL (ANY NAME HERE)
20-Apr-10
|
|
|
Wedding presents always come in pairs: two toasters, two blenders, two umbrella ...
12-Jun-06
|
|
|
What is committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the u...
26-Jun-05
|
|
|
What you see here, my friends, is the result of a lifetime of Chocolate"
11-Mar-11
|
|
|
When all else fails, blame Teddy
28-Nov-06
|
|
|
When all else fails, blame the dog.
20-Apr-07
|
|
|
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
07-Jan-04
|
|
|
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
17-May-08
|
|
|
When in doubt, take a bath.
02-Jan-07
|
|
|
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!!
08-Jun-06
|
|
|
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're f...
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
When my memory goes....
Please help me find my
Scrapbook.
18-Feb-07
|
|
|
When the center of the universe is discovered, many people will be surprised to ...
02-Jun-09
|
|
|
When we ask for advice we are usually looking for an accomplice
28-Nov-05
|
|
|
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another cou...
15-Mar-06
|
|
|
When you die, if you get a choice between regular heaven or pie heaven, choose p...
22-Nov-09
|
|
|
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
17-May-08
|
|
|
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
13-Feb-08
|
|
|
Who needs clothes when you can scrap in your underwear!
18-May-08
|
|
|
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
Why isn't there MOUSE flavored cat food?
11-Jan-06
|
|
|
Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?
02-Jan-06
|
|
|
Wisdom has two parts: having a lot to say, and not saying it.
07-May-07
|
|
|
Women are meant to be loved, not understood.
01-Jan-06
|
|
|
Work is the drinking man's curse.
31-Jan-06
|
|
|
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up!
25-Feb-06
|
|
|
Ya gotta be tough if your gonna be dumb!
22-Jun-07
|
|
|
Yer not much if yer not Dutch!
27-Jun-08
|
|
|
You "crack" me up. for use on a butt crack page
22-Sep-08
|
|
|
You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.
11-Feb-06
|
|
|
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side
is a shar...
02-Apr-07
|
|
|
you better check yourself-before you wreck yourself
10-Apr-06
|
|
|
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instan...
12-Mar-06
|
|
|
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that sa...
27-Feb-06
|
|
|
you can't have everything... where would you put it?
24-Apr-06
|
|
|
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laug...
27-May-04
|
|
|
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.
17-May-06
|
|
|
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields i...
09-Feb-06
|
|
|
You know what Moses told everyone after God said he was the most humble man on t...
05-Jan-10
|
|
|
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came ...
24-Apr-06
|
|
|
You laugh at me becouse Im different,I laugh at you becouse your all the same
24-May-06
|
|
|
You must suffer to be beautiful.
29-Jun-06
|
|
|
You're just jealous because the voices talk to ME!
01-Jul-10
|
|
|
You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.
31-Jul-10
|
|
|
“Tis no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
14-Jan-06
|
|
|
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer ...
02-Nov-06
|
