1st page of lo. This is a lift of Dear Loser by KittyF. Gift to my DD for her Wedding/Anniversary album.
*Based on the book 8 Simple Rules for dating my daughter. I made my own revisions.
That's right I'm talking to you. You are the moron that is interested in my daughter. I'm sure you come from a fine family and you are a nice boy, however, what you need to realize is that no one is good enough for her. Not you or anyone else for that matter. So please do not get your feelings all hurt when I lovingly address you or any other boy interested in her as an idiot or a moron.
Most boys are taught in life to have a little fear for a girl's father, but I must tell you that in this house, you need to fear ME!
If and when she decides to date you, I assure you, I will be watching you and any other idiot that looks her way with laser piercing eyes of protection. When I give her my blessing and she decides to give some moron a chance, I have a few rules in place that you need to be aware of.
1. If you have any tattoos or body piercings, you can stop reading now. There's the door. 2. Everything that is important to her is to be kept as is. Keep her happy. If you make her cry, I WILL MAKE YOU CRY. 3. If she keeps you waiting at my residence, do something constructive with your time like cleaning my kitchen or mopping the floor. 4. I do not wish to chit chat with you about sports, your job, or your car. I just want to know where you are taking my daughter and that you will have her home on time if not early. You are to give me complete honest answers to these questions all while looking me straight in the eye. 5. I don't care how you cut your hair, but I need to see your eyes when you are looking at mine. 6. I don't care about what you think about fashion, but when you come to MY home to take out MY daughter, you will be dressed appropriately. You will not wear clothes that are too snug and never under any conditions even begin to try this new “Hip-Hop/Punk” thing. You will be doomed for failure. 7. You may only take her to places that I have approved of such as: funerals, church or church events, her grandparent's, cold places that would require her to wear several layers of clothing, the nursing home, places that are fully lit or during day light hours, anywhere there is law enforcement, ministers or monks. 8. My daughter has been taught that abstinence is the only way and I'm sure you learned in Sex-Ed that sex kills. I assure you that this is true. If you try anything with my daughter, I will kill you. It’s really very simple. 9. You will knock on the door and greet me properly when you pick her up. You will not stay in your car and honk unless your name is UPS; this is only time such behavior is acceptable. 10. You will open her doors and pay her way to any of the approved places and give her all the respect that she deserves. Chivalry is not dead, but you will be if you do not show it.