Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year, everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

We're all in this alone.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been willing to settle for less.

If you can't be direct, why be?

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

Author: Lily Tomlin