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Peasy
June 27, 2010

Silent Lucidity

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I was at my parents house one day and came across these amazing pictures of my Grandmother. I asked my Mom if I could scan them and I am so happy to be able to scrapbook them!

My Grandmother on my Dad's side took her life when I was 9 years old. Having only one set of living grandparents, it was hard for me to lose her. Especially under the circumstances. She was an amazing woman. She taught me so many things. I am working on another layout about her many gifts, etc but this layout is focused on the the many questions left behind after her death. I struggled with even doing this layout, considering the subject.

Journaling:
I will never forget the day that I answered the phone. Uncle Frank was on the line and asked for Mom. Even though I was only 9 years old, the uneasy tone in his voice let me know that something was terribly wrong. Time seemed to stand still at first. I remember where I was standing and the look on Mom's face. She hung up and asked Dad to go into the other room with her. She was telling him something. Something bad. Suddenly, time seemed to spiral into a whirlwind. I saw Dad run past me and through the front door with his hands over his face. I chased him to the side of the house to see if there was something, anything I could do. I had never seen my Dad cry before. I watched him fall to his knees in agony. The mental image still brings tear to my eyes, to this day.

Why did you take your own life? You raised 7 children, tended to a farm and put food on the table, while your husband was at war over seas. I saw you read your bible but never heard you lay judgment on anything or anyone. You lived to see your family grow with the births of over 15 grandchildren. On the surface you were sassy, smart and beautiful. You had this quiet strength about you that I admired so much.

So the question remains, why? Did something happen? An act you could not accept or could not forgive? Why didn't you reach out to anyone? Talk to someone? Was it medical? What kind of inner demon was so strong that you could not rise above it?

I don't know if anyone will ever know the answer. All I can do is pray that you were blessed with the peace that you were looking for.

I love and miss you Grandma.


layouts scrapbooking Vintage Lace Doily Heirloom
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