Grieving an invisible person

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January 21, 2013

WOW! This is both beautiful and touching. Perhaps I should have passed by this LO without blowing it up and reading it. But I did. Today is January 19th...tomorrow is my 34th birthday. I should be happy...but my birthdays are bitter sweet. Tomorrow will mark the 18th anniversary of me learning I lost my first baby...I don't call it her (long story why I say "her") birthday because the remains were delivered later...and she died a bit before I began to "miscarry", exactly how long be for I'm not sure. I remember that birthday...it was supposed to be my "Sweet 16". It was anything but. First, I woke up bleeding that morning...spent 1/2 the morning at the ER, the other half of the day at an OB/GYN, the night on bed rest. At the OB's office, first they could find no heartbeat. Then, what the ultrasound showed still haunts me...there was part of a baby, only a skull with eye sockets, a nose indention, the form of closed lips......where did the rest of her go I wondered. I found out the answer to that question on January 24th. Gestational Trophoblastic Tumor...my oncologist told me, "Your baby saved your life. The cancer killed her before it began killing you. Had the baby not been forming you would not have the chance of survival that you do." They disected her "remains" and ran MANY tests. Only my OB and onco refered to the baby as "her", everyone else just called her "it". But, I named her anyways, my own coping mechanism..November Nicole...my precious angel.

January 19, 2013

WOW! This is sooooo beautiful and sad at the same time. It touched my heart. I know the feeling. On March 1989 I lost a baby on my 13 week of pregnancy. He had an extra chromosome on the 13th pair. I got to know it was a boy so I named him Alan. I had another boy a year later, I have 3 kids but my youngest is not the third, he will always be the fourth. Alan is my third kid. It never goes away. I will always remember him sucking his thumb in the sonogram. Thanks for sharing this, you did a great job.

January 19, 2013

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Grieving an invisible person

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