Dear Zack (CADA day 13)

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Dear Zack (CADA day 13)

Sunday was the one year anniversary of my cousin passing away suddenly and unexpectedly. We were very close our whole lives and we are just under a year apart. I think 11 months and 2 weeks. This November I will officially be older than him and that is so foreign to me. I wrote this letter to him on my journal on Sunday night, I had no plans to scrapbook it really so its certainly not the most eloquent letter that it could have been. it was more a process of me of remembering zack on that day. When I read the challenge for today I thought this would be perfect. This was an already B& W photo of zack courtesy of photo booth. journaling reads :Dear Zack,I cannot believe it's been a year. All week leading up to Sunday I kept saying to myself a year ago at this time Zack was still alive. On Sunday I remembered exactly how long that day was. August 11, 2012. I woke up early for a Saturday because a friend was in town, and I remember, as I was finishing up Smokey eye with that new guerlain palette that I loved. My dad called me and told me Zack is dead. I will never forget just how Hard my stomach dropped at that moment. I have lost people very close to me before, but they were old and sick. I had time to prepare myself time to say goodbye. Even the friends that we both had in High School; they were sick. We knew it was coming. But you. It was a shock to my system. I couldn't fully recover my breathing and even still I don't think I can.I don't really remember how long it was before my dad had picked me up and we were meeting my mom at your parent?s house. My Grandpa and your Grandma were sitting at the counter in the kitchen. Your dad was outside somewhere looking for Wyatt, my mom was in your parent?s room with your Mom. I don't know where Hillary was. Your Aunt Gaylon and your Uncle Bobby were both around also. Slowly more people started to gather, more aunts and uncles, friends of your family from our mom?s church. I really don?t know how any of us got through that day. Or that week. That day is so vivid in my mind, that week is a blur. Your visitation was on a Friday. We arrived the hour before for the family visitation, the moment we walked in that room is my next most vivid memory. It was real. You were gone. You know its funny, for the longest time I would always insist on calling you my step cousin, it didn?t matter that we?ve known each other since I was born and you were 1, our that it was our mothers that set up our widowed grandparents. I always had to make it clear you weren't quite family, I was that way with all of my new 11 step cousins. The thing is though out of all my cousins, real and step, you were/ are my closest one. We are only a year apart in age, which is the shortest gap of me and ANY of my cousins. We went to the same school. We had a lot of the same friends. We were in French class together. And after you went to college we had even more in common; we both loved in depth literature, and cool music, and discussing politics. Anyhow the point I am trying to make from all this is, I never refer to you as my “step cousin” anymore you are just my cousin. I so wish you were here so I could introduce you to someone as that.Over the entire day of the visitation and the next day at the funeral, I watched hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds come to pay their respect. People we went to HS with, people our parents went to HS with, your sister went HS with; your brother goes to HS with. That funeral at the church was so full it was standing room only in the back behind the 400 chairs that were set up and up in balcony standing room several rows deep. It did such a good job of illustrating just how many people care for you. And the thing is everyone in that room has their own Zack. Whether it's Zack Attack, or Zack the Football star, or Zack the scholar, or Zack the debater, or Zack the dreamer, Zack the son, the brother, the nephew, grandson, cousin, friend, and even frienemy. I miss you so much. I have such a spot missing in my heart, with you not being here. Just please know I love you and I miss you.Love,Christal Lee