Wedding scrapbook etiquette question

So I was talking to a friend (who doesn't scrapbook) about gifts for my and future husband's parents to give to them at the rehearsal dinner and I said I was thinking about giving them cards that say I'll be making them scrapbooks after the wedding. Basically, the scrapbooks will be their gifts.

My friend, however, said that the parents get scrapbooks period and the gift has to be something else. However, from what I've read and seen, the books the parents are traditionally given are books that the photographer designed and had made, which I feel is different from me hand making them their own individual books. But my friend continued to disagree.

So would it be rude if I gave our parents scrapbooks for their present instead of buying them something in addition to the scrapbooks?

I don't think it would be rude at all, but the only caution I have is if you put alot of work into them make sure they appreciate it. Some people don't get the amount of work that goes into scrapbooks so they wouldn't appreciate the gift. If you know they will like it then go for it. Parents can be hard because they usually don't need more stuff, but something like this is usually appreciated. You know them better than any us would so if you think they would like it then go for it.

btw I never gave my in laws a gift at the rehershal or otherwise and I don't think they thought it was rude, I didn't realize it was expected.

Thanks, Corrie!

My parents and the FILs all like my scrapbooking. I think they'll really appreciate how much time and effort it takes to create a big scrapbook like these are bound to be.

And yeah, I've read about 4 different wedding etiquette books and I can't believe how many wedding customs and traditions there are that I had no idea about. I just read about making welcome bags for the out of town guests. Am thinking I might have to skip that one. ^^;;;;

Just take what you read with a grain of salt...a lot of "rules" dictate brides wearing white, bridesmaids dresses all be the same, certain colors for certain seasons, etc...go with what you're comfortable with, and the 'rules' be dammed! Just include your special wishes and think of your families and I'm sure you'll be fine! Lots of "nosy biddies" will offer advice on this one---be careful!

snort,,,I never gave my inlaws anything at the rehearsal,,,,they did get a small photo book with about a dozen photos that they chose, but that was part of the photographer's package then,,,

gift bags for our of town guests?? I've only ever seen that at very ritzy high end weddings.

I'm sure your scrapbooks will be wonderfully welcome!

Oh I so dislike when I hear about people being told what is "traditional" and what the "proper" wedding etiquette is.
In this day & age of DIY and one size does not fit all lifestyles, tell them to step off.

Its nice when they give a suggestion to say, "Well, in the past..." but there are no rules anymore.

Its your wedding, do what is about you.
Give your attendants & family members the gifts you want to give.

My in-laws hosted our rehearsal dinner and we didn't have gifts for them.
We took out time during the meal to stand up and thank them during our thanks to our attendants.
When we got home from the honeymoon we cooked a delicious meal for them and we looked at wedding pictures afterward.

The most surprising thing to me was that my Mom; who isn't very sentimental and hasn't saved a single piece of artwork I've EVER made her, asked me for a scrapbook of the wedding. I didn't expect that at all! So you just never know.

Okay... babbling, sorry...

I think its an adorable and touching thought to make them a scrapbook that is made by you, and if they are familiar and enjoy your art then I say, go for it.

I think its a wonderful gesture.

Holy Cow, I was supposed to give my in-laws a gift? Who knew! I'd say it was ok because we've been married 17 years & I'm their fav!! lol

I made a heritage scrapbook last year for my mil for Christmas, she LOVED it! It was 95% black/white photos from her childhood until she got married with a few colored picture of just her family after she got married. My fil wanted to know where HIS album was!

Etiquette is a bunch of hooey!

Maybe THAT is why my ILs don't like me. Never gave them a gift.

Oh wait. But they didn't give DH and I a gift either. My parents did -- went way above and beyond. DH's parrnts. Nope.

/end tirade

Anyways...do what YOU want to do. Whenever I make wedding scrapbooks, I always give the recipients a card at the wedding indicating the gift would be forthcoming afterwards (if I'm doing it with pictures included).

I've heard about the bags for out of town guests. I didn't do that, but I did send in their wedding invites info about hotels (across many price ranges) and a list of local attractions so there was a starting point for them for their time here.

I'm pretty sure DH and I didn't give our parents any type of wedding gift after we got married. Honestly, this is the first time I've heard anything of the sort.

With that said, I would say that scrapbooks would be a wonderful gift. Clearly your friend doesn't know the cost and time that goes in to handcrafting an entire album if she thinks you need to get them something else on top of that.

It's funny to see how the "etiquette" rules change and expand over the years! When my baby brother got married a couple of years ago he asked my sisters and I what we got for the parents as a "thank you" gift...needless to say that lead to a fun and entertaining trip down memory lane as we all rehashed our wedding stories beginning with the same thing "what thank you gift? This must be an Iowa thing..." (his fiancee is from IA) I figured out that my TU gift turned out to be the smallest wedding so far among all of the girls!!!

My brother also did the Gift Bags, and while we thought that was a little crazy we weren't going to complain too much because each bag had two bottles of his home-brewed beer...

And as for a parents album, I'm pretty sure they all bought their own from the photographer. But if you want to make them scrapbooks (and it sounds like they appreciate them) I'd do it.

Since when has a "gift" become a requirement? If it is required then it is no longer a "gift" but a payment. Just my 2 cents...

Me, I'd go ahead with my plans.

Ignore your friend. I would have been thrilled if my dil or sil gifted me a scrapbook; even if it was a mini one.

If you feel you want to give them more than the card with statement....buy an album and put a note inside "future home of your scrapbook from me"... or whatever.

Thanks, ladies! Am really getting thrown through a loop with all of this wedding planning. Everyone acts like if you don't follow every tiny rule of etiquette that you'll be deemed hideously rude and everyone will hate you forever and always.

The other day I was telling a bridesmaid that I was going to hire people to do hair and make up for myself and all of the bridesmaids and she told me that that was a little "Bridezilla". Really? If someone tells me that they're going to pay professionals to do my hair and make up I'd think that they were being very gracious and I would be super excited. The last thing I would think would be that they were being a Bridezilla.

Anyway, I like the idea of getting them the actual albums as the future home of their scrapbooks. Thankfully, I have plenty of time to find albums. So there will be some Michaels 40% off coupons involved.

Pffft, that bridesmaid should be thankful. Many brides don't have that in their budgets and expect each bridesmaid to pay for it themselves, get thier own dresses and shoes and hostess a shower for the bride too. Sorry you are being put through the ringer. Relax, enjoy, and do what YOU think is best.

Good grief! Starting to understand why people elope? Just smile sweetly and ignore the know-it-alls, suit yourself & your fiance. Have a wonderful wedding your way!

My father always joked that he would pay for a ladder so I could elope and he'd give me money afterwards.

There are so many different customs and so much different etiquette... just do what is comfortable for you. It's YOUR day, after all! (But I've never heard of giving the parents/IL's a gift -- I thought it was the reverse!)

Also never heard of gifts for parents. If you're doing it, scrapbooks sound fine.

Good grief, there's enough for a bride to plan, do, and worry about for the wedding. We did small gifts for our attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen), but that's it.


As far as the makeup and hair... depends.... As a bridesmaid, I *may* think that's a little much. "What's wrong with the way I do my makeup? Is it not good enough for you? Do we all need to look identical?" But, I'd probably go along with it without complaint.

Seriously, my father offered me 10 grand to elope,,,,,,

should have taken it but I wanted the big white wedding

and that bridesmaid is nuts! I've been in SEVERAL weddings where I was REQUIRED to PAY for my own professional hair and makeup OR just expected to do it myself,,,,,,

if someone was PAYING for it, I'd have been in heaven!!!!!

It's not bridezilla AT ALL.

DEFINITION

Bridezilla (a portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake. ...



um, sounds like the bridesMAID is being a bit BRIDESMAIDZILLAish, IMHO,,,,,,

she's being difficult, unpleasant, trying to take over YOUR decisions for YOUR day,,,,,,,AND she is being a perfectionist about what SHOULD and should NOT be done!

• TheHappyCat Said:

Will it be difficult for you to get the books back to work on them?

I didn't get my In-laws a gift and I was definitely the favored DIL. At least in my FIL's eyes! I'm not married to my MIL's favored son so I'm not the favorite. His current flame is always favored over me, the one who's been part of the family for 18 years now! But considering that dh and I were 23 yrs old and paid for the bulk of our over 200 guests wedding that dh's parents HAD to have there (my entire family was less than 20, friends and neighbors included was under 40-the rest was all dh's side!), I don't feel bad at all that I wasn't aware of that custom/tradition!! lol

As for the scrapbook, if you think your parents and inlaws will appreciate it, I say go for it!

I'm with everyone else on the hair & makeup. I'd LOVE to be in a wedding where I didn't have to worry about that. My sister's wedding last year was a bit of fun in that regard, actually. She had said months before that she'd schedule appointments for my mom & I to get our hair done for the wedding. Didn't find out she hadn't done it until the night before... I was a little annoyed! And I'd say whatever you choose to give people should be accepted with love and gratitude. Don't worry about any "proper" ways of doing things EXCEPT I think Thank You notes are still a must.

Yes thank yous are a must. I think its nice to give a little gift to the attendants, especially if they are paying for their own outfits, ect.

Honestly, wedding ettiqutte is sooo different in different places and families. I was just discussing this with a coworker, whose family is originally from Pakistan. In her culture, you give cash at a wedding. No gifts- cash only. Anything else is considered rude. My mom, on the other hand, would NEVER give cash as a gift. One of my friends asked for cash as a wedding gift and my mom FREAKED!!! She wouldn't even let me include where I was registered in the invites, as she thought it was too greedy. People now put "Cash gratefully accepted" on their invites. I am not sure I am down with that, but it just goes to show that customs change.

I HATE HATE HATE having any gift SUGGESTED to me!!!!! If I want suggestions (and I do, often), I will CALL AND ASK,,,,,but to put CASH as an acceptable gift (and I've heard of people saying CASH ONLY ) is just rude, rude, RUDE IMHO,,,

maybe I am just old.

Now if I call and ASK, and cash is suggested as one possibility, I am totally open to it! In fact, I often give cash! It's just the suggestion that cash will be more appreciated than a lovingly chosen gift that bugs me,,,,

However, if it was cultural,,,,,such as Pakistan's culture,,,,,,that wouldn't bother me nearly as much,,,,,IDK why,,,,,

BF & I have discussed this a lot. Whenever we get around to getting married, we won't need to register to furnish our house. And from what I got at wedding #1 from those who didn't know we had a registry, there is NO way I am ok with letting everyone loose. So I have to admit, Holly, we have discussed requesting cash if people want to give us gifts. Especially since we will wait until we have the disposable income to pay for a wedding, there won't be much we need at that point. Depending on where we are in life, it'd be used to buy a house or something else big like that. I think it's just as worthy as blenders and waffle irons. :)Maybe it's just culture changing with more people not getting married and needing to furnish a house for the first time?

Admittedly, I have NO idea how we're going to phrase that tactfully! But the last thing I want is to deal with disposing of glass fish decor and 3 sets of pots & pans! Lol.